The End

What sort of person would choose, not to stand at the most convenient spots along the track, but instead at the very ends, far from the exits, far from the more densely populated center?
Shy people, lonely people, one would expect. People planning to meet friends? For the end was a definite as compared to the vague "center". Couples who wanted some privacy? People from all walks of life, gathered at a point.
A red shirt with bright yellow design, bearing the legend "Mr. Happy", but owned by a man with a face far from that. Resting a cell and book on a black leather guitar case, occasionally glancing down at the phone--waiting? White on top and below--spectacles and shoes. Alone for now, till the time music could sound from his beautiful instrument again.
A man in a slightly less than formal black shirt,

Hello! I’m going to be reviewing your piece today because I noticed it doesn’t have a review yet and everyone deserves a review! First off, let me say that I love the choice of words in some of these sentences. It certainly begins to build a picture in a person’s mind.

The length of the story so far is pretty short, which doesn’t make there a lot to review on but that’s ok. Were you just looking for a response to see if this is a good start to your story? If so, then I would say this would make for a good preface, a good introduction into the main story.

Ok so grammar: You don’t need to put a comma at this point in the sentence “What sort of person would choose,” A comma is a way of telling the reader to pause during the sentence, to give it a dramatic feel, or to just let the reader understand what is going on so far. I would take out this comma and continue the sentence as you have it.

“For the end was a definite as compared to the vague "centre". This sentence confused me I must say. Did you mean to say “as definite” instead of “a definite.” And why is the centre vague? To what are you referring? It helps the reader understand if you have more detail and explanation because if you leave questions like that and don’t give some explanation then it takes the reader out of the story.

“The legend "Mr. Happy", but owned by a man with a face far from that” This was a sentence I particularly enjoyed because it made me picture the man.

“Resting a cell and book on a black leather guitar case...” I think you should say “cell phone” because I know in other countries people aren’t familiar with the term “cell” and you wouldn’t want to risk confusing the reader. More detail and explanation is always good because it helps build the picture in the reader’s mind. Here’s a tip, try imagining that you are friends with a blind person, and your trying to explain a sunset to them? How would you explain the colours? The way the sun falls over the horizon? If you can imagine not knowing what something looks like and trying to describe it, then you will find that you describe things more accurately. You can always go back later and take out things when you feel that you have described too much.

Overall I think this is a very good beginning to something. I really don’t think you should stop here because you have some good ideas going. If it is a short story your going for i suggest lengthening a bit more, short stories aren’t usually quite as short as what you have now.

Hello,
I enjoyed this piece. It has a nice opening and, as Lindabelle does, I enjoyed the line, "the legend "Mr. Happy", but owned by a man with a face far from that." it helped me figure out what he looks like in my mind.
I was quite upset when the piece abruptly ended. I do believe that you need to lengthen it, and fill it out more. Give us some back-ground story, develop the character, why is he waiting? Is he a famous musician? (it seems like he is) Why is he alone? Why the end of the tracks?
I'm interested. : )
Yes, I do like this as a beginning. Please continue. I'd be happy to help if you need it.
Happy Writing,
~Chryssa