me

ok. so really this is my first poem. i dont know about it. so spare me

And when you look at me
what do you see?
do you see the real me?
or the me you want me to be?

i dont want to be the me
you want me to be
i hate it
despise it.

And when you look into my eyes
do you see my soul?
or do you see
what you want to see

not the real me

because apperently
the real me,
isnt enough
not good enough for you.

but i'll tell you something mister
the real me is coming back
im not going to be her anymore
im going to be

me

Hi there. Welcome to YWS.
For your first poem, this is good.
Alright, I'm gonna point out the few mistakes I found.

And when you look at me
what do you see?
do you see the real me?
or the me you want me to be?

Don't forget to use capital letters for the start of a new sentence.
So.. The last two sentences should be: 'Do you see the real me?" and 'Or the me you want me to be?'

i dont want to be the me
you want me to be
i hate it
despise it.

Remember to capitalise your 'i's. And use punctuation too. Commas and full stops. Personally, I like to use commas. And the 'dont' is missing an apostrophe. So, you could've written it like this:

I don't want to be the me
you want me to be.
I hate it,
despise it.

And when you look into my eyes
do you see my soul?
or do you see
what you want to see

Capital letters. And question mark at the end?

not the real me

Capital 'n'.

because apperently
the real me,
isnt enough
not good enough for you.

Capital letters. And 'apperently' is misspelt. It's supposed to be 'apparently'.

but i'll tell you something mister
the real me is coming back
im not going to be her anymore
im going to be

me

Capital letters. 'im' is supposed to be 'I'm'. So.. I'm not going to be her anymore.
Maybe you could've ended it with a capital 'm' for 'me'? Give it a lil more impact, perhaps?

So.. (Just a suggestion.)
It could've been written like this:

But I'll tell you something mister,
the real me is coming back.
I'm not going to be her anymore.
I'm going to be,

Me.

~
I liked this poem. With a little bit of touching up, it'll be a really good one.
Keep writing!

Hello there and welcome to YWS!
So, this was aa good poem in general. The problems I had was the lack of punctuation in all of it. You left out the use of capital letters on some occasions, no comma's, full stops etc. where appropriate. This can really distort the meaning you want to convey the reader. Rubberduck has outlined some of those errors, so I wont dwell on it much.
I thought the last two stanza's kind of turned it into whining and maybe you should cut them out completely or just edit them a bit, I can't come up with anything now to try and suggest. Other than that the poem is a good start for your first poem so well done.

Keep writing and looking forward to more of your work.
Ziggie

Woo! First poem!

Right now, it looks like you keep on repeating the same thing over again... the real me vs. the perceived me. An interesting idea... but I know you can be much more creative. To put a personal spin on your poem, try describing who the real you is and contrast that with the perceived you. That way, we can have a much better idea of the difference and be able to appreciate what it means when you finally accept yourself. It's a lot more heroic!

Just a couple thoughts. Good luck with poetry!