I am ROME

Its been a couple of months now
I wake up every morning, thanking God for the new day
I stretch, yawn, and I smile.
I have come to know happiness, joy, and satisfaction.
I don't dwell on the negative anymore, the truth has come my way
I have made plans for my life
I have goals
Plans and aspirations.
I have learned that one needs to trust inorder to be trusted
I have come to know true love, as God intended it to be.
I have faith in you and me
Knowing that the we can only make through if we carry each other
The power of forgiveness I now understand
I have learned that we need not only move on, but move up.
That family is the only place where you can go, flaws and all, without any reservations
That only a hand full of friends can become brothers and sisters
Dont make try and turn your friends into family
I am Rome
One brick as a time
I'm learning to love myself
Im starting over
The insecurities fade more and more everyday
I can answer questions about myself now
Yes means yes, and no means no
Standing up for myself is still awkward, but I do it
I'm no doormate, and I will thiink it, speak it, and live it.
This is the only me I have
The one life that I will come to lead
The only time that my name will be Keith
Or that I'll be 1.78 m tall
Where my hair and my eyes will be the same shade of ash-black
I have to love me
I have to understand myself in a way that will allow others to comprehend my very nature
I cant run from my identity
Trying to devide my inner from my outer wont work
I cant hide behind branded clothing, make up and my money
If im being someone else then who is being me.
I can run I've learned, but I cant hide

I know all this, but its a struggle.
Its a struggle to be consistent
To keep all the lessons I've learned over the years.
I need to keep pushing forward
Making sure that happiness remains my reality, my truth
Even if it means that I must cheer myself up
I must do it
cause you know what,
I am ROME.

Good day, Kevo, I'm June,


I found this piece inspiring. The entire thing came together and whispered of hope and happy things, and I think that as far as the message goes, you have done a fair job. However, to me, it feels more of a journalistic piece, which isn't quite a bad thing, but it's not as... poetic as it could be if you introduced poetic devices. I think you could meter your lines better, introduce rhythm, and balance them out, because here, we have lines that are staggered a bit, meaning that instead of having two even lines consecutively, you have a long followed by a short and so forth.

See, you have an abundance of powerful ideas in this poem, and I feel that if you rearranged some of the lines here for coherency, relativity and divided this into smaller section, it could improve this poem because it would be easier for your audience to interpret and understand without jumping back and forth from idea to idea, dear.

I am curious about the phrase I am Rome; I understand it, and how you're using it, but there's something lacking in the poem about it, though it's difficult to pinpoint what it is exactly. (I'm going to crawl out on a limb here and say that it's the fact that you have a series of things you need to do, and actions, and little about how/what you are).

I think there's a lot of room for expansion here, as well as revision. I enjoyed this, though, because it seemed genuinely self reflective and inspiring. Keep writing, dear.


June

Hey Kevo!

I found this piece... really scattered, actually! It felt like you just wrote whatever came out of your head and you didn't bother editing at all! Flow of conscious, I guess you call it? Anyway, I think that if you wanted this piece to be a bit more hard-hitting, you would focus on the main idea... whatever it is (love for God bringing you to a fuller understanding of yourself?) That way, it'll be more condensed and pack a mightier punch!

Good luck!

Hello Kevo! We’ve never met before but I’m Lily and I’m awesome!

I think this is very all over the place. The thing that would help this out would be to tie the theme of Rome in before the very end of the poem. You kind of chatter on and on for a while about life and God (which is refreshing. It’s not often that you come by something around YWS that is at all religious.) And then, very suddenly, your narrator is comparing himself to Rome. If you tie that idea in earlier and throughout, you’ll give the poem some sense of togetherness.

Hope I could help!

~lilymoore

Hey there!

At the start, this seems very narrative with a jumble of actions combined together which form more of a narrative piece of prose, than a piece of poetry, but after about the third line your wording and imagery does become a bit more poetic, I just feel that you could've perhaps done it sooner.

I have goals
Plans and aspirations.

I like these lines, they're expressing your dedication to do something to love something. In a way it could be influential and it almost inspires your reader to think of their own plans and aspirations, so you make a good connection here.

Although some reviewers may disagree, I actually thought this was quite well controlled, I mean sure at some points the imagery and emotive language is a little jumpy, but I think that's tidied up with some punctuation and not a re-wording or content change. I read it fluently, with a natural pace too, which is always a good sign.

Anyway, keep up the good work and I hope this helps,
Ben