Known but not known - Chapter 1

Your story is pretty good, except it doesn't really pull me in and make me want to read more. I think you should continue working on it, though. There are some grammatical errors, also, and the dialogue doesn't always sound to realistic. Unless you are trying to make Daniel sound like teenage boy with really bad grammar, and Mr. How sound like someone who is just learning the language and has just moved into the country, I would fix a few things (by the way, how long has Mr. How lived in wherever your story takes place?).

No matter if Mr. How just learned English last month, or if he had known it all his life, you need to change the highlighted comma to a question mark because he is asking a question.

“Daniel, where’s your book#FF4000 ">,” Mr. How asked in his high pitched Chinese accent.

Similies are comparing to things of different kinds using like or as. I think that a guy trying to sleep wouldn't be bored. You could say he was trying to sleep, or create a new simile like "bored as a American football player sitting through a lecture on collage-level quantum physics and it's application to cooking."

Daniel Herman sat in maths class#BF4040 "> bored as a guy trying to sleep.

I'm sure you could find the other things if you edited, because they are mostly grammatical.

Hey there. I read this and I think that there's a lot you can still improve here.

Like Ranne pointed out, there are a lot of grammatical mistakes that can be fixed as well as a few spelling. I recommend reading up on language resources, especially for the rules regarding the comma and clauses.

The dialogue can also use fixing up. You're using a lot of adverbs to describe how the characters are saying things, but we really don't get a good idea of how they're acting and who they are. How about trying to add body language? How do you envision the characters when something impacts them? Do they stand up straight? Bite their lip? Give a death glare? Things like that can add a lot to your story and make the characters seem more real, and you can be creative with these descriptions. You can also apply this to the narration, describing a character's personality through their actions instead of through the narrator. This is especially important if it's in omniscient point of view, because having an omniscient narrator telling the readers a character's personality is like having a new person come in and ramble about how they perceive said character.

For a word on description, repetition definitely needs to be taken care of. Sometimes the same word or idea comes up multiple times, and not necessarily in an organized or smooth fashion. We're given the setting, the character, then the setting again as if it's to remind the readers where they are. If you want to maintain a setting, instead of forgetting about it and having it come up later you can try having it interact with the character. Old floorboards creaking, lights flickering, someone counting how many tiles go across the room, things like that. It's a good way to make a scene more interesting while establishing the fact that the characters are not in a static environment.

Another thing I think you could do to improve your writing is figuring out what ideas you're trying to get across and what order you think that would be best in. The story will feel more focused that way and will have something linear to follow. Figuring out which details are the most important will also help, because you will get the essentials down first and can add any details you want later.

All in all, you should keep trying. I think that experimenting with a lot of different ways to write this would really help you because it seems like you haven't found a comfortable writing style yet. If it helps, write from the viewpoints of different characters and see what comes out. PM me if you have any questions.