Butterfly

Verse 1

Butterfly Ill hold you tight,
Butterfly please don't cry,
Cause your beautiful in my eyes,
So

Chorus

Butterfly don't let your wings break,
Butterfly don't fly away.
Butterfly please stay ,
I love you butterfly.
(repeat)

Verse 2

Butterfly you are my whole life and
if you left me my throat would meet a knife,
Butterfly.
Most other girls should go to hell,
but when I'm with you I'm doing well.
Other people don't under stand,
but you know I don't give a damn,
Butterfly hold my hand.

verse 3

When I'm not with you I want to cry.
I feel that I will die.
I have to close my eyes and go back to this world of mine,
oh Butterfly.
If forever you left my sight,
I would go suicide and end my life,
because you're the key to my happyness,
I feel reborn every time we kiss,
I just prey to God that I don't miss,
Butterfly.

Hey Jester!

At first, I was like, "Awww, what a sweet poem!" and then I kept reading it and my eyes widened. A suicide poem made from a butterfly? It seems a little odd! Especially since butterflies are so lovely and everything, so it begs the questions why this is happening in the first place. From what it seems like, the narrator is trying to guilt the butterfly into staying... which is rather eerie and frightening because butterflies really can't make choices and so on. So it's like the narrator is looking at an arbitrary thing of nature to determine his life... not good! And if the butterfly is trying to represent something else... well, it doesn't really work that well because butterflies are primarily lovely insects that can flutter beautifully. So the fact that he's basing his life on that is rather scary!

Anyway, just a couple of thoughts.

I'd love to hear what music would go with this.

I liked how it flowed. I agree with Snoik, it was sort of odd. At first, it seemed as if the narrator was actually talking to a butterfly, but then it seemed as if "Butterfly" might be the name he has given his girlfriend. It was a little much, but the set up of the song was pretty good.

hey kory. you know me and uhm yeah theis will definitely be a ort of the demo loved the peerception of how the essence fills yoi with joy and without it you move into a dark deep romance. really good bro keep writing

TheLonleyJester wrote:Verse 1

Butterfly, Ill hold you tight
Butterfly, please don't cry
Cause you're beautiful in my eyes
So

Chorus:
Butterfly don't let your wings break
Butterfly don't fly away
Butterfly please stay
I love you butterfly
(repeat) Repeat the chorus? Why not just type it out twice?

Verse 2
Butterfly you are my whole life and
if you left me my throat would meet a knife,
Butterfly. This throws off the beat of the lyricism.
Most other girls should go to hell,
but when I'm with you I'm doing well.
Other people don't understand,
but you know I don't give a damn,
Butterfly hold my hand.

Chorus should go between each verse.

verse 3

When I'm not with you I want to cry.
I feel that I will die.
I have to close my eyes and go back to this world of mine,
oh Butterfly.
If forever you left my sight,
I would go suicide and end my life,
because you're the key to my happiness,
I feel reborn every time we kiss,
I just pray to God that I don't miss,
Butterfly.

I love the subject matter. But the beat was really, really messy and there was really no structure to it. Polish it up a lot, especially in grammar and spelling.

GRADE: D