
No Russell’s. No Ingrid’s.
She was staring straight at me. It scared the crap out of me, despite her being completely expressionless. That somehow made it scarier.
She jumped, I screamed. She was going to break her legs, or her spine, or both. She was going to die. But then she wasn’t there anymore, it was a wolf instead. That made me scream harder.Here, you try to show us how the speaker feels by saying she "screamed" and then she "scream[ed] harder" - which is good, you're not just telling - but it isn't vivid enough. You need to make it realistic. Screaming is a good start, but what else? Did she run towards the girl, shout "Don't!" try to stop her? or did she try to walk away, and fell over something? She wanted to run so she didn't have to see the girl die? Give her a more human reaction. In this situation, a person would do a lot more than only scream. So what would your character do?
“Zeda,” I gasped, seeing the caller ID on the screen. “You’re never gonna believe what just happen...”