Wounded

Wounded

A soldier stands with a gun in his hand,
In a place they call no man’s land.

The rain has created a sea of mud,
The war created an ocean of blood.

Beside him lays a young man dead,
With a painful grin on his final bed.

Across the field stands a man alone,
with a horn in his hand he send a final tone.

The soldier is pointing the gun against his heart,
next second this man has been shot apart.

The soldier stands on an empty field, with no men left,
alone in the world, he claims himself as a life-theft.

Thousand families has lost their husbands, sons and lovers,
The soldier is alive, but what will be left to hover.

He might have bleeding scars and a broken bone,
but he is alive, why would he have to moan?

The fact is this; that he lost his soul,
by shooting and killing he lost control.

In their dead faces, he see what horror he can create,
By now he knew who he wanted to be, but it was too late.

Thousand of men was sent in to war, one could come back,
but he wouldn’t, his soul was broken and his world was black.

The things that used to matter, was useless at this time,
At home, he would be honored, even if his actions was a crime.

He couldn’t go back there, he didn’t feel alive no more,
He didn’t want to be honored for beating the killing score.

Not a smile would ever shine on his face,
his life had years ago stopped to pace.

One more enemy was left to shoot,
he pointed his gun and shouted salute.

On the ground lay his worst enemy dead,
his body shivered as he bled.

A few minutes later everything was gone,
left living on the field was none.

The soldiers body was shot to death,
he had taken his last murdering breath.

So is the fact that by killing you kill,
not only other lives but also your soul.
You also families with mourn and sorrows fill,
and in your heart you create a black hole.

Wounded my friend, you are wounded.

I like the ending of this piece; the penultimate stanza is a little preachy but there is some flourish in the last line. To be honest, though, the rest of the poem didn't really hold my attention. A few things you might want to remember for future work:

1. Watch your grammar! There are several places here where you switch tenses, which makes it hard for the reader to follow the flow of the poem (e.g. "beside him lays a young man who have died" should read "beside him lies a young man who has died").

2. Punctuation. It's just as necessary in poems as it is in prose; perhaps more so. It tells the reader where and how long to pause for breath, and gives a piece structure. You might want to think about employing some

3. When you have a piece like this, with a strong message, it's very important not to make it too obvious for your audience. Let's face it, we've all heard the idea that killing is harmful to the soul of the killer (see the Harry Potter series for example!). Perhaps you could try experimenting with some images and analogies to get your idea across in a less straightforward fashion.

4. And, finally, you have stretched a bit for a rhyme in several places, which is quite off-putting for the reader. If you're going to go with a rhyme scheme, try to fit it to the poem rather than vice versa. I would recommend reading aloud to establish the rhythm; at the moment, you have some very long lines and some short ones, resulting in a choppy piece. Lines don't necessarily all have to be the same length, but it helps to have some balance.

I hope you find that helpful. And welcome to YWS!

Cheers,
~bubbles

Very intense, I loved it.