Ignorance

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Ignorance
by: Doug Gibboney

“Go, Alan. Go and explore the life of mortal humans.”
“Yes, Master Juan.”

Listen to my story. My story of my ignorant friend.
The first day of school was always the free day for everyone. It was so easy, that Alan thought this new life would be a breeze. Many people confronted Alan. Some were friendly, including several chicks that had interest in him. And other guys would just jabber on about how much of an idiot Alan was, or how much of a douche.
You know, Jr High.
But Alan only favored one, one girl who went by the name of Andi. He would look at her and promise himself he would do anything to be with her, even if she was human.
Alan was with his friends one morning, still keeping a grenade in his pocket just incase the humans did something dangerous.
“Hey what's in your pocket, Alan?” Payton said all bitchy.
“It's a DS” Alan said with a nice smooth voice. “You're such an idiot Alan.” Taylor smirked. Alan just shook his head. Taylor had been like a best friend to him. Was she just joking? “Can I play on it?” Payton begged.
Taylor shook her blonde hair and smiled. “Alan's just a dumb ass,” she ranted.
Alan stood up now. “What's gotten into you, Taylor?” he grumbled. This part, is not the shit.
Before she could answer he turned away. “I'm out of here, I hope your happy, because you'll never see me again.”
“Whatever!” she kicked at him.
Alan stomped off to the bathroom. “I don't want to be around these dumb idiot humans any more.” Alan fumed. Alan was so freaking furious that anyone that was there would swear that they saw his ears blowing steam. Alan raised his hand to where his chest was, and he waved it.
Soon a hole flashed against the wall.
Alan stepped forward. But as he did he heard Andi's voice in his head. Alan had a soft touch to his heart, as he stepped in.
Alan saw his home world, and he raced to his house. What he didn't notice was two things. One: Right behind him was Andi, and the voice was really hers, and now she was following him home. Two: No one shut the portal.
Ignorance.
Once Alan found Andi his heart raced, and he picked her up and laid with her on the ground by the house.
Alan spent several years just sitting around with Andi (Who seamed okay with the fact that everything was different on this planet) and did nothing.
But today was different. There was a call. People here had a lot of technology similar to humans because of how they always spied on them.
Alan picked up the phone, and was completely startled. Any normal kid would take this as a prank or something. But this was serious.
The world was being infested by aliens, from Alan's planet.
Alan told Andi to wait there. He through on his jacket and sped out the door.
Finally he noticed the portal he never closed. This is how, this is why. Alan found that now where the portal was, was in some kind of underground tunnel.
Alan climbed to the surface of Earth, and fell to his knees. This is his fault.
It was a dead planet. Everything was either burnt or destroyed completely. All over. Alan looked to the west, and saw a giant bird that flew across the sky. Alan was horrified, and he traced down the bird, only to find Taylor sprawled across the coal colored ground. “Taylor!” he cried.
She looked up at his face, and she spoke sorrily.
“I'm sorry, Alan. Forgive....... m... me....” and she fell dead. Alan stood up once more, this time confidently. “AAHHHHHHHHH” he screeched. And he grabbed the grenade from his pocket and pulled the switch. He pushed all his might into a leap toward the bird and....
boom.
This is my story.
My story of my ignorant friend.
Today my planet, Earth, is refilled with life. Today I can stand alive as ever, and will never forget the love of my life.

“Yo, Payton, time for supper. Try not to get here after midnight this time, you're too old!!”
“Coming, my lovely daughter!” I whispered.




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Hello :)

He through on his jacket and sped out the door.

I think you were going for 'threw'.

Well, the story line is really nothing special; I have to be honest. As I was reading I could see that you had a lot of ideas up your sleeve but instead of developing one idea at a time, you threw them all at once in the story and so, sometimes it was hard to follow your story. But is shows potential, it is readable. My advice to you is to keep on writing to practice and also revise it. Other than that you show great potential as a future writer.
The best is what you make it!

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I agree with ziggie.. whilst it seemed pretty good at the beginning (ignoring some proofing issues), it got really rushed and confusing near the end.

I think something like this would work better as a novel so that the reader has more time to connect with the characters and so there is more time to develop the (pretty good!) ideas :smt003

So far the idea is pretty awesome, but I think it deserves more time so you can show off your creative juices more :D
Elizabeth: "There will come a moment when you will have a chance to show it. To do the right thing."
Jack: "I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by."



The highlighted children are not mine.
— AresFig