my burden

MY BURDEN

By: Samuel Swanson

My Burden is neither easy nor is it light
You see it is the Bible that is the cause of my plight
It is not the weight of its pages; they are hardly worth mentioning at all
No, it is the words that are on them that I am bothering to recall
The Bible says “go make disciples of all men”
The problem is I am not always sure I can
What if people call me crazy or they think I’ve come unglued?
But the Bible also helps me keep those thought subdued
And when insecurities attack me and I don’t know what to do
The Bible tells me, “You can do all things through me who strengthens you.”
The Bible gave me a task
I didn’t know where to begin
But it also gave me the words of Christ that gave me the hope to win
I must carry this burden with me wherever I shall go
Because the whole world needs to know
That Jesus loves them and the Bible tells them so
So I can’t throw this task away or put it on a shelf
Because the whole world needs me now
Someone to show them a way
To spend eternity with a God who knows all their faults,
But loves them anyhow

I liked the beginning of this poem, but I liked it less as I kept reading. I'll just go line by line (I'll make my suggestions in #FF0000 ">red) :

Swanee wrote:My Burden is neither easy nor is it light
You see it is the Bible that is the cause of my plight
It is not the weight of its pages; they are hardly worth mentioning at all #FF0000 ">This and the next line kind don't match each other because the first line has too many syllables(try reading it aloud). Switch some words to make them match better.
No, it is the words that are on them that I am bothering to recall
The Bible says “go make disciples of all men” #FF0000 ">Same thing with these lines. Fix them so they have closer to the same number of syllables.
The problem is I am not always sure I can
What if people call me crazy or they think I’ve come unglued?
But the Bible also helps me keep those thought subdued #FF0000 ">Add two syllables to match the previous line.
And when insecurities attack me and I don’t know what to do
The Bible tells me, “You can do all things through me who strengthens you.” #FF0000 ">Change it to make the syllables right.
The Bible gave me a task #FF0000 ">You change the rhyming scheme here.
I didn’t know where to begin
But it also gave me the words of Christ that gave me the hope to win
I must carry this burden with me wherever I shall go
Because the whole world needs to know #FF0000 ">Way too few syllables.
That Jesus loves them and the Bible tells them so #FF0000 ">Now three rhyming lines in a row?
So I can’t throw this task away or put it on a shelf
Because the whole world needs me now
Someone to show them a way
To spend eternity with a God who knows all their faults,
But loves them anyhow #FF0000 ">These last five lines don't match the rest of the poem in syllables or rhyming scheme.

You had something good going here, but I don't know what happened to it. When writing a poem like this, you have to really focus on syllables and make sure you keep your rhyming scheme the same. Faith is a good topic to write poetry about, and I think you can get a great poem if you edit this one a little. Keep writing!

~Amylith

Thanks for the suggestions. I have never really written poetry before this was just something that came to mind one night. so any criticisms are appreciated

OK, I actually thought the the rhythm was alright. However, maybe you should have started a new paragraph with "But the Bible also helps me keep these thoughts subdued", because the mood of the poem is changing. Then again, I'm not a poet, at all, so this could be perfectly fine.