Untilted -- Suggestions Welcome!

Okay, so this is my first story in probably over a year. So I see how terrible the writing is and I know I need a lot of improvement here, but hey, at least I started writing again. So far I can't really think of a title besides Drysks, which probably wouldn't fit the main focus of the story anyways. Suggestions are very welcome. Review away, tear it up!

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I placed my hand at my side, brushing the hilt of my sword. Turning around, I saw the newcomer who had just spoken to me.

“You choose to betray me, Brother?” I asked, slowly pulling my sword out from the hilt and in front of me.

“Wasn’t it you who betrayed our family by attempting to take such a task on when it wasn’t rightfully yours?” He replied, tilting his head while he brought his sword upward. Without giving me a chance to respond, he leaped at me, waving his sword wildly. I stumbled backwards, using my sword to block his attacks until a loud call made us both freeze.

“Stop that immediately!” The brisk voice of our mother called from the nearby barn. She walked across the freshly-cut wheat field, her shoulders tensed as she made her way to us. Taking the wooden swords from our hands, she spoke again.

“You could hurt each other doing this, and you should be doing stuff that actually benefits the farm or learning something useful. Come to the barn.” A small breeze came across the field, ruffling my hair and sending bits of wheat flying.

“Come on.” Our mother repeated before speaking again. “Or do you want Drysks to get attracted by the wheat and show up at the house?” We both gave a quick nod before following her. A Drysk? I only knew of such creatures from the tales we were told, but those were enough to get my brother and me to help her. Mother had previously told us how dangerous they were, and how they ate people. But she never did mention that they liked wheat of all things. Bringing myself back to what was going on, I grabbed a pile of the wheat, and began helping my brother with it. What if we were learning something useful? We would never have to worry about Drysks if we were sword masters, or we could buy our own food if we were soldiers or swords trainers. I had previously suggested the idea to our mother before, but she never seemed interested in such talk. When she did respond, she acted as if my suggestions were outrageous and said we could just be farmers.

Could we really just live as farmers though?

Overall I really enjoyed it!It's really good - especially for someone who hasn't written a stor for over a year. I am intrigued by Drysks, but there were a couple of things I wanted to point out.I know it's only the very beginning, but the characterisation doesn't feel that strong between the brothers, but the mother is very strong.

I placed my hand at my side, brushing the hilt of my sword. Turning around, I saw the newcomer who had just spoken to me.

(I think this would work better if you said what the person had just said, and then he turned around - it would read better and make the beginning more 'grabby')

“You choose to betray me, Brother?” I asked, slowly pulling my sword out from the hilt and

(holding it?)

in front of me.

“Wasn’t it you who betrayed our family by attempting to take such a task on when it wasn’t rightfully yours?” He replied, tilting his head while he brought his sword upward. Without giving me a chance to respond, he leaped at me, waving his sword wildly

(this makes it sound like he is just sort of waving his sword about, and doesn't really know what he is doing - unless that's the point you're trying to make?).

I stumbled backwards, using my sword to block his attacks until a loud call made us both freeze.

(Again, I think it would be better if you had the call, and then 'we froze')

“Stop that immediately!” The brisk voice of our mother called from the nearby barn. She walked across the freshly-cut wheat field, her shoulders tensed as she made her way to us. Taking the wooden swords from our hands, she spoke again.

(Very nice - I like the some of the details, like 'her shoulders tensed' and the way you introduce the surroundings)

“You could hurt each other doing this, and you should be doing stuff that actually benefits the farm or learning something useful. Come to the barn.” A small breeze came across the field, ruffling my hair and sending bits of wheat flying.

(I love this last sentence)

“Come on.” Our mother repeated before speaking again. “Or do you want Drysks to get attracted by the wheat and show up at the house?” We both gave a quick nod before following her. A Drysk? I only knew of such creatures from the tales we were told, but those were enough to get my brother and me to help her. Mother had previously told us how dangerous they were, and how they ate people. But she never did mention that they liked wheat of all things. Bringing myself back to what was going on, I grabbed a pile of the wheat, and began helping my brother with it. What if we were learning something useful? We would never have to worry about Drysks if we were sword masters, or we could buy our own food if we were soldiers or swords trainers. I had previously suggested the idea to our mother before, but she never seemed interested in such talk. When she did respond, she acted as if my suggestions were outrageous and said we could just be farmers.



Could we really just live as farmers though?

I love the final paragraph. It's very effective and intriguing.
Well done - congratulations on starting writing again! Seeing this I can't believe you stopped!
I don't really think I know enough about the story to make suggestions for the title yet - but I'd like to read it if you posted more.

I thought that this was good, it's a good start and the last paragraph is really good. However you might want to consider switching it to third-person, you didn't really display how the main character was feeling as the opening sequence was unfolding. But overall it seems as if you've got a good storyline going here. *Hint* if you want more views you should come up with a good title that will attract more people.

Thanks!

Actually, the main reason I'm writing it in first person is because I'm still debating on if the main character should be male or female.

I don't usually read this genre of writing but yours i enjoy. It drew me in much like a story should. I very much enjoyed reading what you have posted and i do hope that you post more.

Hello Arris! I couldn't help but notice you had a couple of errors to do with the characters' swords.

pulling my sword out from the hilt and in front of me.

The place where you keep a sword is called a sheath or scabbard. I think
"scabbard" is specifically for swords though; "sheath" works for knives too.

I stumbled backwards, using my sword to block his attacks until a loud call made us both freeze.

"Parry" is probably the technical name here, but "block" works.
This is great writing overall.