Zoraster Immolates Himself On A Rising Star Near The Equator

There once was a caddy named Paddy;
as a laddy he adored confetti.
Once he was with his BFFL
and they both fell off a cliff(le)
and that was the end of poor Paddy.

Hi Gal.

I'm not exactly sure to critique this poem. It's certainly different, and the rhymes make it cute. Would it be a limerick, by any chance? Either way, I just had two minor, minor nitpicks.

BFFL

Don't be lazy, write it out. If it doesn't work within the rhyme scheme, you can find another word to use.

cliff(le)

I don't really know what the purpose of the (le) in parenthesis is. What does it add to the line. Why isn't there a space between? Cliffle is not a word.

Okay, that's all I had for now. I don't want to say anything more because I'm afraid I'm not sure if this was serious or not, and/or following the limerick form and I don't want to mention what won't apply to this. PM me if you have questions.

-Elinor xo

Gal,

I'll be perfectly honest with you. Not once in my life of writing have I come across with something equally stimulating as this. Every inch of this piece oozes serious writerhood, and I'm glad you decided to share it with us.

This is a perfect example of the kind of limerick where everything is in its rightful place, the rhymes are snazzy, and the story is told with talented wittiness and consistency.

Another thing I like about this piece is that even though it being a limerick, which we haven't usually seen by you, your own symbolic style comes forth as though by some magical power, if you will. The word choices are pure Gal (laddy, BFFL -- brilliant), and we as readers can truly relate to Paddy and his adventures.

You never cease to amaze me, Gal. Please write more of this kind.


Demeter
x

Hm. I'm not going to say I enjoyed it. But it was interesting.

I've been trying to figure out whether you used an anapestic or amphibrachic meter but beside that, you've followed all the rules to the letter. So there isn't much to reproach you on.

Otherwise, I think you could of stretched yourself even further. It's quite impressive how easily you can follow the rules of writing and still make something unique, but couldn't you get something more? No necessarily serious, rather, a more considerate humour or wit. Traditionally, limericks were transgressive, made to break taboos etc.

Either way. This is good.

Kamas

This is poop. I suggest you light a match and jump into a pool of gasoline.


Haha, just kidding. LOVE YA <33333333