Silent Screams

5 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1882
Reviews 66
No one can hear the silent screams
They fill my head for you
They want me to say something
but i cant talk to you
Ive never felt this way
I want to run away
To where my silent screams
are heard

I saw you look at me
and it made my heart flutter.
I talked to you
and i could help but stutter
Your hand took mine
And my breathing stopped
Why did you let go
Now...

No one can hear the silent screams
They fill my head for you
They want me to say something
but i cant talk to you
Ive never felt this way
I want to run away
To where my silent screams
are heard

You asked me out
and my heart missed a beat
You made me feel special and unique
I felt important
in someones eye
Now when i see
you i want to cry
now...

No one can hear the silent screams
They fill my head for you
They want me to say something
but i cant talk to you
Ive never felt this way
I want to run away
To where my silent screams
are heard

You treat me like I'm just your friend
When will this ever end?
I told you i loved you
And damn i meant it
I gave you my heart
but you bent it.
I miss the way it used to be
Now...

No one can hear the silent screams
They fill my head for you
They want me to say something
but i cant talk to you
Ive never felt this way
I want to run away
To where my silent screams
are heard

I don't feel special
I don't feel unique
around you my heart feels weak
Why don't you realize
what your doing to me
Just let go
let me be free

Now....

No one can hear the silent screams
They fill my head for you
They want me to say something
but i cant talk to you
Ive never felt this way
I want to run away
To where my silent screams
are heard
Last edited by SisterItaly on Sun May 16, 2010 3:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 3406
Reviews 35
First off, I think this piece has real potential. I think it is awesome now but could be even better with a little bit of work. First there are just some mechanics issues. You really hould use apostrophes (') in your contractions (can't, don't, ect.) You might try separating and labeling it into VERSE 1, 2, 3, ect. and CHORUS. Then there are some wording problems "I could help but studder" Did you mean "I couldn't help but stutter"? The part "You asked me out, and my heart missed a beat" sounds off to me. I don't know why and I don't really have any suggestions for it but it is something you might want to think about. Overall though, they are good lyrics. There is no mistaking what you are feeling. Keep on writing.
-Jem
Your motor's unstable,
Your like an
Undwinding
Cable
Car
.




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 300
Reviews 0
I like it and if this love is really real you should show her this song.




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 28776
Reviews 446
Hello there, Allmixedup!

I liked this. The way you expressed "Silent scream" is very unique and kind of showing the dark side and slightly emotional. I'm thinking this could be accompanied with a rock guitar or anything with a hard-core music.

I gave you my heart

but you bent it.
You used "bent" (a little awkward to say it)... It's okay but maybe "break" can be better. :wink:

Aside from that, it's really nice! :mrgreen:

Keep up the good work!

Peace out!
"Life is a poem keep it in the present tense." -Sherrel Wigal




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 9692
Reviews 3900
Hey allmixedup! :D

First of all, there's a couple of typos in here that you can fix! For instance, "stutter" is spelled as "studder" and other typos. So just run this through a spell checker!

As far as lyrics go, I seem to think of this as a slow metal song. Why? I have no idea. But it seems to fit. I would like to see a verse that goes into why they split. That way, we can see whether the silent screaming is really valid. But that's just me. ;)
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D



In dreams, we enter a world that's entirely our own.
— Albus Dumbledore