Rain, Summer,and Ice Cream: Chapter Three

5 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 5578
Reviews 57
"Darren, status report." I said, turning my head sideways.

"Almost there.... and... done. Playing Student's Choice playlist now."


I smiled. Darren had figured out a way to hook up the school's speaker system to his iPod. It was ingenious, really. In exactly half a second, the opening of Imma Be started to blare, causing the entire student body to break out in "YEAAAH!!!" 's. As had actually not been planned, David ran to the center of the hall and starting dancing with skill we didn't know he had. In a matter of seconds, every person in the hall, teachers included, formed a oval-ish ring around him, swaying back and forth to the beat as if we were all one person.

The advisory bell rang, but no one cared. For the entire extended period, we watched volunteers dance to the music that no one seemed to be able to stop. From time to time, Darren would sneak in old Beatles songs, or rock songs that I very much appreciated. People danced to them just as well as they would any other song, which I appreciated even more. I was stunned to spot Ms. Nicolls on the opposite side cheering- the strictest, meanest AP in Bern. I was even more shocked when I spotted out every other AP, and even Mr. Fitch, the principal. I guess teachers had a greater respect for hip hop dancing than I had thought.

We would have stayed for third period too, but the bell messed up Kahla's (the current dancer's) timing, and therefore everyone else's. Believe me, it did. At this school, everyone depends on someone else, and dancing is no exception. So, with many thanks, smiles, "Whoa, dude!" 's, and laughs, we all departed for third period.

"Well, that went well," I said to Rose, who was accompanying me to third period, as well as Nero.

"Well? That was AWESOME!" Rose exclaimed, startling Nero. He fixed himself quickly though, adding, "Yeah, that was pretty sweet." I shrugged. On my other side, Seth fell in step with me. I had tilt my head slightly to see his face. He caught my glance and smiled. To everyone's apparent surprise (again, I felt the urge to kill), I didn't blush. Shocker.


"What do you think Mrs. Brown's going to have us do?" he asked, trying to blow his black locks out of his eyes.

"No clue. But I think I heard someone say something about the s'mores lab..." I said, my fingers twitching in anticipation.

Turns out, I was right. When we entered the room, all tables had been cleared out, the empty space speckled with large candles and unbent paperclips. I gave my friends Lori and Taylor half hugs, as well as the ones who had drifted in from other classes. As Mrs. Brown casually instructed, we stashed our books on the side desks and then dispersed in clusters to the candles.

The bell rang, and Mrs. Brown came in, but left the door open, even when she let Nestle, the class's massive brown rabbit, prance about- or, rather, hide under the desk. Mrs. Brown came around and lit the wicks and dropped a bag of large marshmallows and about three king sized Hershey's bars around each candle. I half faked temptation at the sight of chocolate, making us all laugh. After Mrs. Brown dropped off the graham crackers, the fun began.

Somehow, Seth managed to carve a few spears out of a spare cracker, and released his wrath onto us with a shower of graham cracker doom. Nero, in turn, pelted him with marshmallows. While their little snack war raged, Rose and I jammed marshmallows on our wires and held them a millimeter above the flame.

After I had transferred mine to the cracker, I held one finger to my lips, letting a barely audible stream of air escape them. Rose nodded, biting into her s'more; the marshmallow squished out almost comically. I scraped off most of the marshmallow residue, and cautiously prodded Seth with the still hot end of the wire. He yelped, jerking backwards, his head twisted over his shoulder like a dog trying to lick his back. I quickly flipped the wire around in my hand to hide the evidence, and bit my lip at the sudden heat.

"Did you just-"

"No!" I quickly cut Seth off. He sighed.

"I was going to say 'did you just finish your s'more', but now you've gone and made me suspicious." I giggled nervously and stuffed a s'more into my mouth.

"Cod, did y-"

"Eat my sticky melted crunchy concoction!" I yelled, shoving another in his face, my voice muffled by marshmallow goo. Seth, being Seth, began trying to lick the crumbled mess off his face. I laughed, but was cut short by a cry of:

"No! My marshmallows!" from Nero, of course.

Rose, in turn, snatched them back from him and snarled: "Give them back!" Seeing as Rose and Nero were occupied with their possession battle, I snuck the Hershey's bars away from them, sliding one to Seth.

While we bit off chunks of the creamy delight (while observing Rose and Nero's war), I asked, "What do you think we're doing in theater?"

Seth shrugged. "Probably improv. If we have to do duet, will you be my partner?" I nodded. "Cool." An honest smile flickered across his face, one of the ones he used when he was truly happy. It made my mood brighten even more.

My moment of bliss was interrupted by Nero's hollers. I glanced over and saw him standing straight up, one hand thrust high in the air, clutching the bag of marshmallows. Rose made little hops for it, but every time, Nero raised the bag just out of reach. Rose pouted and crossed her arms. After a bit, Nero relented and tossed her the bag. I rolled my eyes.

"If he's in the position he's in, he needs to develop an immunity towards that." I said. Seth rolled his eyes, a smile playing on his lips. I furrowed my eyebrows.

"What?"

"That's so you, Codz. No one else would say that." I playfully punched his shoulder, making sure to shrink away in case of a retaliation. Seth laughed and ruffled my hair gently, holding his chocolate bar over the candle to soften it. I nudged his away with mine, trying to take up all of the candle. He nudged mine back, I poked his, and so on.

Eventually, he went as far as to bump not only my bar, but me. I feigned shock and bumped him right back. Somehow, we ended up in a playful wrestling match, the chocolate bars long since forgotten.

Rose, who was sharing the marshmallows with Nero, said, "Aw! How adorable!' We both whipped around to face her, growls forming in our throats. We started to lunge just as the fourth period bell rang. Rose giggled and dashed away. Seth got up first, then hauled me to my feet.

"Off we go," he said taking his place on my left on our way to theater arts, where anything- literally, anything- could and would happen.

Now, the theater classroom is the biggest of all classes, save gym. Thus, there is twice the space available for chases and very physical performances, the former of which was starting to form when we walked over the threshold, between Robbie and Kahla.

"Robbie! Give me back my freaking binder!" Kahla screamed before letting loose a fast paced stream of expletives. She climbed over one of the tables and clawed at Robbie's back. Robbie's back, however, was nowhere near his outstretched hand, which was clenching the tattered white binder. Robbie kept running, knocking over a few chairs, smearing the whiteboard, wobbling the miniature stage, and displacing several papers.

Finally, out of pure annoyance, Monty snatched the binder from Robbie and handed it to Kahla, who exhaled softly, placed her binder on the table, and straightened her t-shirt. She tucked a lock of dyed strawberry blonde hair behind her ear, and sat, one fur lined dark brown boot crossing over the other. I glanced over at the scene, unimpressed.

I sat at my own table tucked away in the center back, directly in back of Nero's table. Chrissa sat to my left, Rose my right, my friend Fay in front of me. Taylor swung by for all of thirty seconds, releasing rapid fire dialogue that no one really understood. She left quickly to avoid Kahla's abnormally loud cries of, "Be my buddy, Taylor!!!" I shuddered. Seth nudged in beside me, not minding that his chair was directly in front of the table leg.
Mrs. Hedder walked in with much grandeur, announcing, "And now... we improvise!" Everyone cheered as the room was automatically set up for performing. I saw Mrs. Hedder make a list of names, each written in sets of two. My name was scrawled next to Seth's, of course. I caught his eye and nodded with a smirk. He promptly performed his self titled "Karate Kick of Pure and Absolute Joy".

Things were about to get real interesting, real fast.
Last edited by NinjaCookieMonster on Fri Jul 09, 2010 8:50 pm, edited 2 times in total.
hey, Jude, don't make it bad
take a sad song and make it better
remember to let it into your heart
then you can start
to make it better.

~make books, not war~

"Not vampires, fish from space."




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 15914
Reviews 204
Hey NinjaCookieMonster. I haven't read the first two chapters so I don't really understand what's going on besides the fact that their school is awesome and the main character has a crush on Seth. There doesn't seem to be much of a conflict at the moment. They're just partying and everything's good and awesome. Do you mind posting links to the previous chapters on here so people who haven't read the first two can go glance at it first and not be confuzzled? Thanks.

-Crescent
Please take care to use good grammar when making a post!

"grammer" 1519 matches on YWS *twitches*

Rydia is the ruler of the world. :(




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 5736
Reviews 84
This is really good Ninjacookiemonster! You have to PM me when you add more. You've captivated my attention and now I'm going to go insane until you post more so hurry hurry hurry!

P.S
The character Seth is pretty awesome. And I can really tell that him and Conz have a good relationship. You're doing really well. Are you sure this is your first novel?
Live, Love, Laugh




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 5578
Reviews 57
To Crescent: just look in the possibly related thingy. I know there's no real conflict, but that's sort of the point. I really wanted to make a novel where it's just simply showing life. And Codi (main character) doesn't have a crush on Seth- well, not exactly.

To FicFan: Thanks! And technically, no, it's not, but it's the first one I've posted online.
hey, Jude, don't make it bad
take a sad song and make it better
remember to let it into your heart
then you can start
to make it better.

~make books, not war~

"Not vampires, fish from space."




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 44360
Reviews 1087
Hey ninja!
Me again :twisted:

As had actually not been planned, David ran to the center of the hall and starting dancing with skill we didn't know he had. In a matter of seconds, every person in the hall, teachers included, formed a oval-ish ring around him, swaying back and forth to the beat as if we were all one person.

Haha! This was great! Although, I'm not sure if the teachers would do that... :lol:

The advisory bell rang, but no one cared. For the entire extended period, we watched volunteers dance to the music that no one seemed to be able to stop. From time to time, Darren would sneak in old Beatles songs, or rock songs that I very much appreciated. People danced to them just as well as they would any other song, which I appreciated even more. I was stunned to spot Ms. Nicolls on the opposite side cheering- the strictest, meanest AP in Bern. I was even more shocked when I spotted out every other AP, and even Mr. Fitch, the principal. I guess teachers had a greater respect for hip hop dancing than I had thought.

This is getting a slight bit too unrealistic now. Surely, someone would have tried to stop it. I know that it's a no lesson kind of day, but still. Dancing in the school hallways for an entire period? A bit too High School Musical. :lol:

"No clue#FF0000 ">. But I think I heard someone say something about the s'mores lab..." I said, my fingers twitching in anticipation.

The first period should be a comma. :wink:

"Robbie! Give me back my freaking binder!" Kahla screamed before letting loose a fast paced stream of expletives. She climbed over one of the tables and clawed at Robbie's back. Robbie's back, however, was nowhere near his outstretched hand, which was clenching the tattered white binder. Robbie kept running, knocking over a few chairs, smearing the whiteboard, wobbling the miniature stage, and displacing several papers.

This is starting to seem like a school for kids who need 'extra attention' if you get what I mean. :wink: Either that, or the teachers are seriously crap :lol:

Things were about to get real interesting, real fast.

Once again, I really liked your finishing line.

Overall

My main problem with this is that it's beginning to see a tad bit unrealistic. I understand that it's a no lesson day, I think anyway, but it even seems a bit unrealistic for that. I doubt the teachers would let the kids jump around tables and light candles with marshmallows in their classrooms. What if the candle set fire to something? What if one of the kids got knocked out by a serious table accident? There would be at east some discipline, at least from one teacher anyway.

Other than that, I haven't really got anything else negative to say! Your grammar, especially the comma and exclamation marks, has improved loads. Well done! There are still the odd caps lock around, but it's not too bad.

As for the story itself, it's still funny and your MC is very entertaining to read about. In fact, all of your characters are really entertaining. My only critique about the story itself though is that there isn't any conflict. I know that you said that you're making this a story about everyday life, but to be honest, everyday life has conflict! For example, I read a story once similar to this and I loved it.

What I loved about it was that every character had their share of problems. The main character was gay, but he couldn't admit it to himself. This character even ended up trying to commit suicide, that was the main peak of the story. Another character was cheating on her boyfriend and she felt seriously guilty about it, while another character was having real problems with his home life. These things happen in everyday life, try getting ideas from them!

Critique and nit-picks aside, I really like the style of this and I'm glad I read it. All you need to do now is a add some kind of conflict... maybe? :smt005

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins
I didn't know what to put here so I put this.



The first draft is a trip to the amusement park. The next drafts are returning there as a safety inspector.
— SunsetTree