All the Dogs Are Dying

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Mary whimpered.

She nosed the ground, feeble whine slowly edging out of her throat. She scrabbled at the floor in desperation, unable to think, mind blank with the pain. It was eating her, ripping her apart from the inside. Her stomach heaved and flipped, savaged by spasms. Her tongue lolled. Fat and pink, it flopped through the air, as though trying to coax some oxygen in, some form of life. But life wanted nothing to do with her.

It wanted nothing to do with any of them anymore.

She remembered Tim making breakfast for her every morning, always her favourite, and never asking anything of her for it. She remembered loving him for that. They’d had their moments, no doubt – when he left for days on end and didn’t return, when he had company over and had to lock her away. She put his guests ‘off’ he said, they didn’t like her always staring. But that wasn’t often. Come what may, he would make her breakfast in the morning and she would rise to that delicious smell wafting on the air, mingling with his sharp aftershave.

It was the memory of that scent warming her now. He wasn’t far away, she could tell. Just beyond this door, even. He couldn’t bear to look at her, not like this. Mary understood. It wouldn’t be all that hard to deal with, if she weren’t so alone. Harsh breaths shook her thin body. She hacked and coughed and tried her best to stay calm, to no avail. How had it come to this, so quickly? Just the other day she was strolling through the park while Tim was at work, basking in the bright sun. Her friends were there – old Bob by his usual tree, eyes rheumy with age, great hulking body sunken in repose but no less intimidating for all that; Jenna was by the same patch of flowers she liked to tend, chatting to Gale in airy tones. It felt like it was just yesterday.

Bob was the first to go.

He didn’t turn up the next day. His absence left them all a little unsettled, but hearing about his death left them shattered. Some young pup had witnessed it that morning. He spoke with casual nonchalance about the ‘old bastard’ being found ‘stiff as a board’ with froth lining his mouth. It was awful. One by one the pups began to vanish as well and with each loss, the silence grew; the uncertainty. No one knew for sure, no one could actually say what they all thought was happening, but the fear began to consume them all. That they would be next, that it was contagious. Mary tried to keep talking to her friends, but after a while no one returned her calls and she was left with her own mournful echoes for company.

It didn’t take long for Tim to catch on. He knew the moment she didn’t get up for breakfast that something was wrong. His strong features creased in worry, he held her head in his hands, crooning soft strings of nonsense. He took her for a drive after that, for only the second time she could remember. She didn’t like cars. Wherever they were going, it didn’t take long. Tim’s frustration was obvious from the outset – slamming the door, staring at the queue in disbelief. There were lots of raised voices and banging on closed doors.

After a moment, Tim got back in the car. His body was tense. She nuzzled him in concern. He laid an arm on her absentmindedly but she could tell his mind was elsewhere. They went home. He had to carry her from the car, so great had the weakness become. The cramps followed soon after and her yelps became shrill. He was trembling as he held her. That was still clear to her, the frantic pumping of his heart against her heard, an opera in morse code. Darkness edged around her eyes, closing in on the grey world. Erasing it. Her limbs thrashed as the pain crested within. Her head bent back, her spine curled – the last thing Mary felt were Tim’s arms enfolding her.
Mah name is jiggleh. And I like to jiggle.

"Indecision and terror, thy name is novel." - Chiko




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it was a nice story, though i didn't get it much...
you should make it more clear.

so Mary was the dog, right? and Tim was her owner? why does Mary die in the end? and the other dogs?

was Mary physically injured, or she fell into the hands of some disease like her fellow dogs or did she just grow old?
why does Tim leave?

Just make your story more concise, and believe me, it will become a great deal better...
Enjoy every moment of your life; you never know when it might come to an end...




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The flashbacks confused me a little in this story, because they led me to not be sure just exactly when things were happening. In the beginning, Mary talks about how she is alone and waiting for the morning, then there is a flashback, then there is the morning, I guess. But it took me three rereads to figure out just where the flashback ended and the present began again. It just sort of felt like it all ran together.

Did all the dogs die? You imply (I'm guessing) that the vet's office is closed, so there must be something big going down. I feel bad for Mary and Tim, but at the same time, I want to know a bit more about what is going on in the story.

Also, why are all your dogs named people names? I know that there are dogs out there with people names, but most of them are named... dog names. Are you looking to personify your dogs? Sort of keep it ambiguous that they are dogs? It's not a big deal. I just noticed it.

I did like the POV in this story. Mary seems a bit thoughtful for a dog, but hey, most dogs don't tell stories in their POV, so I'll give you a bit of leeway there. I did like how at the onset of the story, you couldn't quite be sure that Mary wasn't a person just from the prose and you're a little weirded out that Tim would do some things like "lock her up".

~GryphonFledgling
I am reminded of the babe by you.




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Well, yes they all die. The title should clear up any ambiguities in the text, I'd imagine, enough to say, clear any notion of each dog in question dying by coincidence or through varied means. It's rather absurd.

The prose and perspectives were meant to be ambiguous yes, but also to personify humans as you thought. As for the flashbacks I was a little unsure about a canines memory but Im reasonably certain their memory works differently to ours specifically in regards to separation of time which is why its a little all over the place.

I just wanted to do a short little piece exploring the concept of a world without dogs - I mean can you imagine it? But I didnt want to go into all the boring details. Anyways thanks very much for the review! :)
Mah name is jiggleh. And I like to jiggle.

"Indecision and terror, thy name is novel." - Chiko




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I hate you, Omar! You killed all the puppies!

:(

Seriously, though, this was very well done. I appreciated that you didn't drag on infinitely. It was short and creepy. Continuing on ad infinitum would have destroyed some of that creep factor; by keeping it short and tense, you played it up instead.

I agree with Gryphon about the names, though. I've never met anybody who named their dog Tim or Mary. I think the human personification is enough to up the freak-out factor without giving the dogs human names. I'm not saying you have to call them Spot, Rex, Rusty, and Ginger, but maybe a bit more ambiguity would be nice.

Good work! <3
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