Chapter Five – Going Under
I tiptoe into the kitchen and ease the cutlery drawer open. I take a knife from the drawer slip back into my room.
Thank god nobody’s home yet.
I put the knife on my bed and press the PLAY button on my stereo. Angry metal music blares through the speakers.
I firmly grip the knife in my left hand before slashing my arm. Blood drips to the floor and the cut throbs.
Tears flood my eyes as I use the blood to write a few sentences on the wall. I couldn’t find any paper.
The blood-covered knife moves towards my neck and draws a thick line across my collar bone. I’m in so much emotional pain that it didn’t hurt much.
I make various other cuts around my body.
Suddenly, the edges of the room begin to blur. I feel dizzy for a few seconds and my eyes close.
Then I fall to the floor and everything goes black.
Beep… Beep… Beep… I break through the last of the fog that’s been sheeted around my brain. A white light is above me and all I can hear are beeping noises.
I look to my left. My mother is sitting in a chair, intently reading a paperback novel.
“Where am I…?” I squeak. My throat is dry and my eyelids feel heavy.
“Oh honey!” She drops the book and rushes over to hug me. I wince as she wraps her arms around me. I look down at myself. I’m covered in white bandages.
“You are at the hospital. Unlike Faye, you didn’t wake up right away so they decided to admit you. They will figure out other arrangements for you as soon as they can.”
Who saved me? Why am I still here? I think.
“How did I…?” I question. I have to ask.
“I came home from work and called for you. When you didn’t come downstairs, I panicked and raced up to your room. I saw the wall and found you lying on the floor. Your pulse was very weak, so I called the hospital right away.” She explains.
She just barely saved me from death. Wow.
A young, female doctor comes into the room. “Mrs Maher? I’m Dr. Heidi Parks and I was sent to assess your daughter.”
“Hello, Dr. Parks.” My mother replies.
“I would like to check your daughter’s mental state so that we can figure out where to go from here.” She says.
Mom nods. “Okay.”
“Now, Jenna… Do you remember what happened before you fainted?” Dr. Parks asks.
“I turned my CD player up really loud… stole a knife from the kitchen and cut myself with it before slashing my neck…” I don’t want to be talking about this.
“Baby…” Mom whispers.
“Jenna… for the benefit of those around you and yourself, I strongly encourage you to seek treatment in our facilities.” Dr. Parks cuts in.
What would she know? She doesn’t know anything about me.
“What do I get out of this?” I ask acidly.
“You get to stay alive.” My mother hisses. Her eyes catch fire and she glares at me.
“Sorry…” I whisper. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“If you want to live, then you have to work to do it!” She screeches.
“Mrs Maher… would you like to speak to one of our counsellors?” Dr. Parks asks gently.
“No. I. Am. Fine.” Mom snaps.
“Anyway… If you don’t mind, I’d like to review Jenna’s mental state. We have retrieved records from her counsellor and copies of her school reports… so we will review these and then get back to you.” Dr. Parks explains.
“Okay. How long will that take?” I ask. The white room is freaking me out already. I hate white.
“Possibly a couple of days. I will gather with our specialists and form a treatment plan for you. For now, we will monitor you from in here.” Dr. Parks replies.
I stay silent until she scurries out of the room.
I had no idea that I’d end up in a little white room from the things that people were doing around me…
But I guess I know now.
