The Great Vegetable Revolution

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This is a story I wrote for a school assignment and really liked, the puctuation and even some spelling might not be great, I'm no wiz at that. Hahaha. Suggestions are appreciated! :)


The Great Vegetable Revolution

There once was a perfect world where children never talked back to their

parents and always ate their vegetables. One little boy changed all that with one

silly argument that started a huge war. Later to be known as “The Great

Vegetable Revolution”.

“Mom, I am done eating, may I go play with my train set now?” asked

Timothy politely.

“Why Timothy, you have not even touched your vegetables, after you

finish you may go play,” replied his mother.

“But mom,” whined Timothy, “brussel sprouts are gross! I would rather go

play with my toy train.”

“Darling, I know you would, but growing boys need their vegetables so

they can get big and strong,” explained his mother.

“How does something so gross make you healthy? It is slimy, green and tastes

terrible,” cringed Timothy, “how can you be sure it isn’t poisonous?”

Timothy’s mother was so stunned. He had never argued before! Finally she

stated “I do not care if you don’t like them you can still eat them.”

“Mom,” moaned Timothy, “Benjamin’s mom never makes him eat brussel

sprouts, she never even makes him eat vegetables at all.”

Timothy’s mother sighed “Fine go and play, but if you get hungry later

guess what you’ll be eating.”

“Thanks mom, you’re the best!” exclaimed Timothy.

Timothy’s mother let out a long sigh and wondered to herself, “Am I? Am I

really the best? Who lets their child out of eating vegetables? Nobody I know.”

Maybe Timothy’s mother should not have done that. Though how was she

to know how big this little thing would become? The thing is, she didn’t.

“Timothy, be sure to eat those scrumptious looking carrots your mother

packed you, don’t just eat your sweets,” chided Miss Stinson, during the lunch

period of her Kindergarten class.

Timothy scowled and grouched, “My mom doesn’t make me eat my

vegetables! I even got out of brussel sprouts last night.”

“Oh Timothy,” chuckled Miss Stinson, “I am sure you didn’t. Everyone

always eats their vegetables. They are what make you grow!”

“Miss Stinson, I am not lying! My mom let me go and play with my train set

instead of eating my brussel sprouts!” hollered Timothy.

“Timothy if you would care to lower your voice! There are other people in

this room that do not care to hear your yelling,” She voiced sternly, and then

added, “Who here does not like a good helping of peas, carrots, broccoli, or even

eggplant?” Miss Stinson watched as slowly every hand in the room went up.

Realizing she was losing the argument, she whispered to Timothy “Fine do not

eat your carrots. I do not wish to continue this little fit over vegetables, if you do

you may do so in the principal’s office.”

If only she new this “little fit” would not be little for long.

A girl named Bernice overheard Miss Stinson lowered tone and

announced loudly to the whole class, “Did you hear, Timothy does not have to

eat his carrots!”

Every child in the class then didn’t want to eat their vegetables. It finally

became crazy and noisy that the principal was called down but even he could not

settle it down. It got to be so out of control that parents were called and the

Kindergarten class was sent home early, but it still didn’t stop there. The children

carried it home with them and refused to eat vegetables. It quickly spread from

child to child like a highly contagious cold. Even the sweetest of children were

rebelling against vegetables. Children of all ages were boycotting vegetables all

around the world. This was known as “The Great Vegetable Revolution” and was

the headline of newspapers and topic of television news for weeks before

someone put an end to it. This person believed they started it and would also

finish it. This person was Timothy’s mother.

“Please, Mr. Gilbert! If I could just have a moment of your time to explain

my idea! It could end this war!” begged Timothy’s mother.

“Alright fine, you have 5 minutes.” huffed Henry Gilbert.

Just like that she was in. She spent those 5 minutes explaining to him her

simple idea to end “The Great Vegetable Revolution”. He thought it was brilliant!

It would be on tomorrow’s 12 o’clock news! It would be shown in schools and

public places all over the world.

The next day millions of people tuned in to the 7X7 World News to hear,

“Hello, I am Henry Gilbert from the 7X7 World News. I have just got some new

information that will blow you away! I have received proof that these veggie

hating children will not like. Vegetables ARE what make you grow. Without them

you never will,” spoke this brilliant man.

Of course every newspaper and television news channels caught on to

this story. They soon had every child in the world believing them. Grocery stores

had an overflow of parents rushing in to finally buy vegetables again. Even little

Timothy, the boy who started it all, requested vegetables.

Mom, mom, mom! Did you see the news today?” yelled Timothy

excitedly.

“Yes, I sure did. There was the most interesting story about vegetables,”

his mother answered.

“You need to get out there and buy some vegetables,” ordered Timothy,

“or I might even start shrinking!”

“I had a feeling you were going to say that,” laughed his mother, “there

already are some in the refrigerator.”

“Thanks mom you are the best!” exclaimed Timothy.

With that his mother smiled to herself, “I am. I really am.”




THE END
Last edited by jemjive on Sat Apr 24, 2010 5:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Your motor's unstable,
Your like an
Undwinding
Cable
Car
.




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This was really, really cute! Childish, I admit, but cute nonetheless. Since this is a short story, I won't be assuming the normal way I review. However, I will be giving you a quick analysis.

First off, the way that this story is typed out is kind of off. I would have preferred if you had actual paragraphs instead of lines that don't even finish before jumping down a space and continuing the line. Maybe that would work with poetry but not with this.

Also, your grammar was very good! Give yourself a pat on the back for that. I would recommend dropping some of the flashy dialogue tags and just saying "he said", rather than, "he boomed excitedly", although you should keep some of them because you use them well.

In the end, very good job! The ending was absolutely adorable. When did you write this, however? Write more,

Esther Sylvester
It's writing prompt week on my blog a very random pickle!:
http://veryrandompickle.blogspot.com/




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I admit, yes childish, haha. It was an assignment, we had to write a childrens story with quotations. As for the flashy words, we had to. We were not allowed to use "said" or the same word for it twice. Also we had to use atleast 5 adverbs after the said words. I just really liked how it turned out and decided to post it. But thank you for the tips :)
Your motor's unstable,
Your like an
Undwinding
Cable
Car
.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 3406
Reviews 35
Oh and also, you are supposed to write it lines. Its grammatically correct. New paragraph every speaker. It is also double spaced.
Your motor's unstable,
Your like an
Undwinding
Cable
Car
.



so many languages have fallen / off of the edge of the world / into the dragon's mouth.
— Lucille Clifton