Who Am I?

***Well, a year or so back I was on this site called writing.com (until I found YWS which I like a lot better ) and I went back on again and found my old pieces. This was one of 'em, and I thought I may as well post it on since I'm sort of suffering writer's block. Feel free to tear it apart! (P.S., the *s are there because it always takes away my spacing).
*
*
*
*
Why do I cry
When I don't want to?
Why can't I smile
When I should?
Where will I lead
Tomorrow to?
What will I see?
What will I do?
*
I know all
Except myself
Their hopes,
Their dreams,
Spread on a shelf.
But who am I?
Who will I be?
Do I not have
A destiny?
*
I feel so lost
And confused still.
My head is spinning
It doesn't seem real.
Who am I?
Who must I be?
I feel I know everyone,
Everyone, but me.

I love this so much.

Hi!

So, I'm not quite sure why you posted this if it's a few years old. Do you want to recycle the idea? Are you just comparing what you wrote then and what you wrote now?

In any case, I didn't like the poem. It reeked of clichés; "why" is probably one of the most commonly asked questions in literature. And the emotion isn't played at well either; you establish that your narrator is going through a rough time but you never specifically acknowledge what exactly that it is. Therefore, how to you expect us to relate?

I'm not sure what to tell you in specific regards as to how to improve. There isn't really much redeeming factor in this poem; I'm sure you've gotten much better. Apply your talent to more interesting ideas, but for now I'm going to give it a 4 out of 10.

PM me if you have questions!

-Elinor xo

different, sounds like one of mine when i first started writing poetry.

would i be right in guessing that this poem took you a short space of time to write.

the poem wasn't actually that bad, considering you thought everyone was going to pick holes in it. well i don't think it's that bad anyway.

the last two lines made quite a good summery of what the poem was about. and they had a good rhyme scheme.

Overall: a good write, i'll have to read some of your later work.

At first, just by looking at your title I remembered the song called "Who Am I?".

Anyways... Hello there!

Your starting point was good but I was lost at the ending. Remember, every poem, there's always a message to it and it has somewhat a conclusion. Anyway, I like you poem.

Keep it up

Peace out!

Wow. This was amazing. It was very repetitive, though. Change it around, add imagery or metaphors. Make it a more interesting read, something that will completely hook someone. Its sometimes hard to add depth to a poem, but keep writing, you have a talent.
~Cassi