Mother of Abominations

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I wrote this about the whore of Babylon ....because the only part of the bible that I like is the book of Revelations. :twisted:


Burning Flesh,
Dripping absinthe oil,
Consuming them all,
She is like the paralyzing snake,
Charming and enchanting
is She, the Babylon Whore.

Leading to other worlds,
She guides all of us, the lost girls.
She stole our skins to seduce the beast,
The Harlot is merely a mannequin
belonging to the Underworld,
Where she fornicates with unclean demons.

I cannot remember
how it was when we first met.
She has the curve of the moon
And haunts the shores of Midian,
Where the stars are Hell-bound and sent
to come together whilst she dwells among filthy beasts.

I dreamt a midnight castle,
And the eerie songs of wolves
danced alongside Her in the flames.
As I watched, Her eyes darted through the fire
and stole my trapped soul.
No longer does the forest whisper puce laments for Her.

Her rites of sin
took Her purity within,
So that the filthy slut spends her time
Burdening Him, the highest one adored.
She dresses in our skins
to flaunt and flirt with nasty spirits.

Always poised on winter,
But never will She break,
for She hides inside our lost and darkened souls,
And fills our minds with blackened witch spells
that pound and thrive in her wake.
We have been made into empty faded ghouls.

Flagrant in the past,
Our names were deeply carved
on the tree of long-dead and vast languages,
Where She mutilated our futures
using long and wasted nails
made of diluted mutated faith.

Lead us to other worlds,
Oh, You vehement snake,
You have stolen our skins and souls,
May You rot in Hell, disgusting harlequin woman.
Mother of all abominations,

Be our Mannequin.
You've never had to crawl, you've never had to see,
what it feels like to be so trapped underneath

the weight of someone's world, comes crashing down on me

I was longing to be free, I put the bullet in you and me

This is my farewell to you and I,
this will all end in tragedy




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Hi, Cof!

So, I'm not really sure if I liked this or not. It was really cool what you were trying to do, and some of your imagery was nice, but the execution wasn't that great.

For starters, you never tell us who exactly the woman is. We're not all Christians here, and even if we are, we don't study the bible *cough*. Explain why she's so hated. You mention her "disgusting habits" but I think you need to expand a little bit upon that. Besides, was she really called a whore? That just doesn't seem right to me. :?

This just needs more substance, period. All of your mistakes fall back to the basic writing rule-show, don't tell. Maybe you can recount a specific event. Describe to us what she looks like.

You've got a good start. This just needs a little revision.

My Rating:
5/10

PM me if you have questions!

-Elinor xo
Last edited by Elinor on Mon Apr 19, 2010 8:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

All our dreams can come true — if we have the courage to pursue them.

-- Walt Disney




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Gender Female
Points 5705
Reviews 32
Yes she really was called a whore... specifically a 'harlot'.
And it pretty much tells you everything in the poem, you just need to read in between the lines. I'm not christian either, but I have to go to church every week -__-

Thanks for reading this though. :)
You've never had to crawl, you've never had to see,
what it feels like to be so trapped underneath

the weight of someone's world, comes crashing down on me

I was longing to be free, I put the bullet in you and me

This is my farewell to you and I,
this will all end in tragedy



life is so much better with tater tots
— AilahEvelynMae