I Never Knew

I never knew
this road was so long,
until I walked it.
I never knew
these shoes were so big,
until I stepped into them.
I thought it would be easy.
I thought it would be fine.

I never knew
the weight of this burden,
I thought it was light.
I never knew the height
of this mountain,
I thought it was scalable.

So here I stand.
my curiosity taking the better of me,
As I embark on this celestial task.

I really like this poem for the meaning it has. Especially this part which I found inspirational:

" I never knew
this road was so long,
until I walked it.
I never knew
these shoes were so big,
until I stepped into them."

The second stanza is also beautifully written.
I found this poem short , which is a good thing! I was left with the want of reading more. Congrats on getting my attention...

The only thing I would tell you to change is the ending; keep the same wording but rephrase it so it doesn't seem so rushed.

I can't wait to read more of your work! Keep it up!

Hi praisejoe,

So what's the celestial task? All you do is ramble on about a vague feeling and leave it at that. And don't get me wrong - it can work sometimes, but not in this case. You don't ascend nor descend with the flow and magic of the poetic word. It's always something about you not knowing something and then... knowing it. Lather, rinse, repeat.

The last paragraph is bland. Celestial task was the only rather solid image that formed, and even that was a haze. Where do you stand? On the brink of Saturn? On the meadow, rooted to the ground while your arms stick to your sides like crossed by the fury of the wanderlust? Spool it out for the reader. Paint a tapestry, not a few blotches of paint here and there held together by glue.

Throw this away and try again. You have the ability to create something decent, so do it.

Hope that helped,
Galerius

OMG! *Noms*

This is good. I like the concept. good job.

praisejoe wrote:until I stepped into them.

This doesn't sound right. I would say something more like, "until I marched in them," or something to make me picture you in the big shoes. Not just "oh look. big shoes."

Other than that, it's a good poem.

Love,
Fixed

Just want to thank every one who has commented on this poem. I really found your comments helpful!