The Reality of Love
Dear Diary,
He's really handsome! I love his clear brown eyes. I love the way he combs his hair through his fingers. I love the way he smiles making the world bright. He's really a one of a kind. Every time he's close to me, my heart jumps and beats furiously. My usually dry hands become wet and clammy. Gosh, it can never stop from shaking! I have to hide my hands in my pocket just to avoid embarrassment. Not only that, because when I'm with him, I feel happy and terrific. I think I'm in love with him.
Dina
Most teenagers are like Dina. Once you already felt the symptoms of love (e.g. When you're with him/her: wet and clammy hands, fast-paced heart beat, knees going weak, feeling like you're in cloud nine and butterflies swarming inside your stomach, etc.), you are already convinced that you're in love. But I tell you; love is not like an illness or a disease that has symptoms that will let you know what is going on. It's just an infatuation, not love. But first, let us know what we really mean when we say love and infatuation.
INFATUATION AND LOVE
According to an experience, infatuation is simply just a short-lived passion for someone. A friend named Martha once confided in me her experience when she was in her High School years. She told me about the foolish things she had done to be noticed by her crush. She would follow him to his house, stare at him in the cafeteria and go to the comfort room everyday just so she can pass by his classroom. One day, her crush had accidentally bumped into her. He uttered, “Sorry” and she suddenly fainted. (Ok. That sounds over acting. Let's just understand because she's really crazy about her crush.) And all the while she regretted having done it and she vowed then that she will never be seen by her crush.
Indeed, a foolish thing. But right now, Martha's happily married and has two beautiful daughters. She said that even though her husband's not that gorgeous like her High School crush, she is happily in love with him.
FAMILY LOVE
Have you ever wondered why your parents prevent you from driving a car at sixteen? Why your parents never give you a credit card you have been yearning for? Why your parents easily ground you whenever you did something wrong (that is really petty.)? All these things are grounded on the same thing: love.
The reason why you thought that they are “making your life miserable” and “tampering your rights as a person” is because they love you so much. Yes, you might be so irritated by this explanation but the truth remains the same that your parents really love you. Some of you might say that if your parents truly love you, they should trust you for taking care of yourselves. My dear fellow teenagers, yes, they trust you so much but the thing is, they don't trust the people around you. Your parents are afraid of what is out there for you. I tell you, just try to understand your parents. If that's hard to achieve, might as well consider the consequences if you don't want to follow your parents' decisions.
RELATIONSHIPS
An adult friend once told me: To make sure that a couple has love for each other, they have to reach 50 years of being together.
I don't know if that's true or not. But I believe that love can be seen to couples that have lasted for so many years. But since I have to talk about teenage love, might as well give some pieces of advice that would help you determine if what you're feeling is really love and the ways that could help you understand more about the opposite sex.
1. Don't misinterpret. Girls are very emotional. Sometimes, they even decide based on what they feel. Boys, on the other hand, are straight to the point and frank. The problem comes when for example:
One time, your crush asked you to help him explain about the concept of Titration in Chemistry. You might think: Oh, he's interested in me. Maybe he likes me that's why he wants to be with me. But your crush thinks: I simply cannot understand about this thing. I need to know all about this or else I will fail in this subject.
According to Evelyn Miranda-Feliciano, an author of the book called “Love and Courtship”, “women are believed to be intuitive in matters of relationships. They are able to pick up subtle tones and read facial expressions. They “feel” whether a person is angry or not. They have this intuition that something or someone is amiss. Men on the other hand, are not perceptive relationally. They need to be told. They need to hear before they can act or react.”
2. It is not love if it is merely based on sexual fulfillment. Sexual attraction towards the opposite sex is just natural. We can't help but feel it. But sometimes tolerating this feeling up to the extent will be risky. Do you feel something when you see your crush? Does your heart beat so fast that it might explode in any time? Does your spine tingle whenever you touch his hand? For boys, do you ever feel that you need to “possess” the girl you want and you might actually die with longing? Most teenagers define love as having these feelings (just like Dina) but love is not lust. And besides, teenagers are not physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually ready for it.
3. Love is not made for display. We can't deny the fact that some are desperate to have boyfriends or girlfriends so that they can show them to their friends and so that they can prove to others that they are already doing it. Love is not for display image and self-gratification and to gain popularity.
4. It is love if it is bounded by the strong faith in Christ. The reason why we feel that we love a person is because God showed us love first. Because of his unconditional love, we have learned how to love and to be loved. A relationship can never survive if the partners do not recognize Jesus as the center of their lives. Whenever a couple has problems, they have to entrust these problems to God. They should never forget that the love they have shared to each other comes from Him.
But what does it really mean to say “I Love You” to a person? Here’s my favorite excerpt from a book named, “I Loved A Girl.”
“You, you, you and you alone. You shall reign in my heart. You are the one I desire, without whom I should not be complete. I will give everything to you and I will give up everything for you, myself as well as my possessions. I will live for you alone and I will work for you alone. I am waiting to receive you. I will always be patient with you. I will never use force on you, not even by words. In your presence I will always be transparent, honest and sincere. I will guard you, protect you and keep you from all evil. I will share with you my money, my thoughts, my heart and my body. There is nothing I want to undertake without you. I want always to be at your side...”
-I Loved a Girl, Walter Trobish
As a teenager, I may not have experienced being in love. But according to the experiences of other people close to me, I have picked up lessons from them that I hope will guide you once you're already there. I hope that after reading this, you too might learn lessons.
