Misunderstood

This is the first poem I have written since I was about 9 so if it's not to good tell me. I wrote this for a competition they are doing at my school. It had to be on being a teenager.
Please tell me what you think.



Misunderstood

Teenagers


When you hear that word what do you think?
Hoodies in the street,
Or kids out for a drink?


Have you ever thought of what it’s like for us?
School work and exams,
Siblings and neighbours making such a fuss.

Teachers have a go at you,
And parents do too,
For something you did not do.

But people don’t realise,
That as we grow old,
Our teenage time never truly dies.

Being young is fun,
But we are misunderstood,
So next time you see us,
Remember,
You were one of us.

I hope you liked it. All comments welcome.

Nice poem, I think the rhyme scheme was just a little off though...also just a little grammar correction that I have to bug you about

Teachers have a go at you,
And parents do to,
For something you did not do.

"And parents do too" with two o's not one. Sorry, I don't mean to be a grammar snob.

Anyway, my advice is tweak some words here and there to improve the flow of the poem, I think it's a really good message though.

Hey

The topic of the poem is a good topic. I think the poem itself is a little awkward to read. I read it four times to make sure it wasn't the way I was reading it. In poetry when you make a phrase you really want to say each phrase has a number of silibles obviously but the tricky part is making the silibles for each line work. Poetry has to have fluidity. Out of the four time I read it I stumbled on reading the poem because the fluidity wasn't there. No worries though, the poem has potential.

I really like the lines, "Our teenage times never truly die," and, "Remember/You were one of us." I look forward to reading more of your work and I can't wait to read the revision, if there is one.

Much Love,
Chris

Hiya Midnight!

I'm going to be blunt; this was dry and unconvincing. You're showing us that the intended audience is the adult, and in order to fully appreciate a poem like this, your reader is going to need to have to both understand the adult and sympathize with the teenager. It can be difficult to pull this off, but here are a few tips.

1. You could try a comparison poem. To do this, you would narrate the same story, through different points of view, switching off every line. It'd be a clean way to share all the thoughts you want to from opposing points of view. For instance, here is an example of what a poem like this would be like:

Girl:
I just wish that he'd talk to me
Boy:
I just wish that she'd leave me alone
Girl:
Can't he see I like him?
Boy:
Can't she stop following me around?

Okay, that was terrible, but you get the basic idea for formatting and style, and remember, if you do decide to take this route, you have too still make it sound like a poem with rhythm, imagery, and word choice.

2. Make your persuasive arguments stronger. Even though I'm a teenager and I understand it perfectly, I'm playing devil's advocate here.You're not really showing us how teenagers feel. To do this, dive into emotions a bit more. What about constant school work is boring? Maybe describe the pain of getting up in the morning. Talk about how they are misunderstood. If I was an adult reading this, I'd just kind of skim it over and say, "poor you" sarcastically.

3. Don't make adults seem like such heartless bullies! Most do care for you, and to understand something better we need to hear both sides to a story. Maybe you could talk to your parents and see what goes through their minds when they yell at you. If you aren't comfortable doing that, you could try to get in touch with a psychologist or any other doctor that studies human behavior. I'm sure they'd be more then happy to help you out.

-
Anyway, that's all I have for now, so if you have any questions, shoot me a PM!

-Elinor