jackle wrote:“I know you and Russell are lying to me about mum-”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about-”
“Oh, give it up! She’s not on holiday, I’m not stupid, Ing! Just please tell me you’re not sleeping with that asshole!” This part right here has nothing to do with her mother's death. It's just sort of placed there because it wouldn't fit somewhere else. All you need to do to fix it is change the wording and it'll fit perfectly. For instance, you can say: #FF0000 ">And, for the love of God, please tell me you're not sleeping with that asshole?Ingrid laughed. “Ew, no. That’s gross, he’s like fifty!”
“Then what on earth…”
“Russell’s cool. He’s like a father to me, or an awesome older brother. ”
“We have a father,” I reminded her.
“Yeah but he’s six feet under! Move on.”
“Where is mum? Is she six feet under?”
Ingrid whole body iced over. Her eyes were far away, recalling a memory.This part isn't very well explained and sort of rushed. You can add more questions for her, with Kasia's reaction. You can say something like: #FF0000 ">"No," I breathed, "No, Ingrid. Please, don't tell me you..." I took a deep breath and stepped away from her. She might kill me, too. Then connect that with the rest of what you've written.
My breath caught in my throat and I had to clear it before continuing. “So you just replace dad with some asshole and kill off anyone you don’t like, for example, mum. Am I next?”
She snapped back to the present, her face twisted with pain. “No, Kasia. It’s not like that. I loved mum…”
“Obviously not enough to spare her,” I spat, disgusted.
“I came home to see Russell hacking her to bits! He did it for the life insurance; he promised me some of the money.”
“He bribed you to keep quiet about murdering mum? That is the lowest you’ve ever sunk. You should be ashamed, you vile, selfish bitch! Go on then, get it over with and kill me now!”
“No! Kasia, I wouldn’t dream of it. Any way, you don’t have life insurance.”
