Aberrant Romance - 2

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CHAPTER TWO

"Wow, so you actually got in huh?" James said while we were at our lockers.
"Yeah, guess so. It's uh, going to be different. That's for sure." I slammed my locker shut and leaned against it. "Do you think I'll survive?" I said looking up at the ceiling. James laughed and shuffled his backpack around.
"Not a chance," he stated. The bell rang signaling fifth period, my last class of the day. I entered my English class and took a seat next to Cecelia. She was obviously anticipating my arrival due to her large grin. I began piling out my supplies from my backpack onto my desk, acting as if it was any other day. The fact of the matter was it wasn't going to be an ordinary school day, but my last day attending school in the United States.
"So, tell me! Are you ready to take on Britain?" Cecilia squealed.
"I don't think I'm ever going to be ready." Cecilia has been my best friend for 5 years now. Her family actually suggested private school for me. She has been a huge, yet annoying part of my life. Cecilia was the social butterfly, and I was that girl who hid in the bathroom at dances whenever a slow song would come on to escape the humility of standing there alone. Nevertheless Cecilia was the only one I could really talk to since I had no siblings. Then there was James.
I had a huge crush on James throughout my freshmen year of high school. I'm now a junior, and I can't look at him the way I used to. His brotherly actions towards me have made me look at him for friendship and support, and not a date to the prom.
"So, you're not going to forget about us right?" Cecilia's tone became more serious.
"Of course how could I forget you guys? I'm going to need someone to gossip about all the hot English boys." I gave her a meaningful smile and averted my attention to the teacher.



The moment I stepped in the door was the same exact moment I wanted to run back out. My mother had BBC on the the television and she was surrounded by shopping bags full of stuff, probably for me. "Uh, what are you doing?" I said in an accusing tone.
"Helping to get you ready for your big trip!" She claimed. I was almost positive she just felt like shopping. "Look! I got you suitcases, new clothes, and just look at these shoes!" My mother held up a pair of black pumps with a four inch heel. "A packet came for you today, it listed all the things you would be needing. I hope you don't mind I opened it." It was hard to get mad at my mother. Her exuberant personality makes it seem like she doesn't know any better.
"No um, not at all. So you bought me all new clothes?" I observed.
"Yes, and I went ahead and put in an order for your uniform, which required shoes like these." She held up the pumps again.
"Uniform?!"
"I'm sure it won't be that bad." My mother went about her business watching t.v. and organizing her purchases.
I had been accepted to a school in Britain. I would be leaving my friends behind. My mother was more excited than I was. I haven't seen my father since last night at dinner, and he was just about as thrilled as my mother.I would be living with a man I've never met with other boarders in a large house. Did I really want to do this? Boy, I needed a smoke.
"I won't quit to become someone's old lady."
-Janis Joplin




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Hi there,

Here for another review!

"So, you're not going to forget about us right?" Cecilia's tone became more serious.
"Of course how could I forget you guys? I'm going to need someone to gossip about all the hot English boys." I gave her a meaningful smile and averted my attention to the teacher.
Ok, question: Do you have a best friend? Is this how you would react if you found out she was leaving and you might never see her/him again? Think about how crushed, hurt, disappointed, appalled or whatever you would feel if suddenly you lost him/her. This doesn't seem very real to me.

My mother had BBC on the the television and she
one 'the' too many

Her exuberant personality makes it seem like she doesn't know any better.
Made and didn't

I had been accepted to a school in Britain. I would be leaving my friends behind. My mother was more excited than I was. I haven't seen my father since last night at dinner, and he was just about as thrilled as my mother.I would be living with a man I've never met with other boarders in a large house. Did I really want to do this? Boy, I needed a smoke.
I like the tone of this sentence; good flow, good writing.

Ok, now a few things I need to point out:

1)Your characters need work. They seem almost lifeless to me except for the mother who is excited and exhuberant. But why is she? Maybe your character (what is her name?) could feel hurt that her mother appears so happy to be rid of her. OR is she this happy because it's a great oppurtunitY?

2)I really am enjoying this story, I just think that you need to work on your characters. I can't wait to see how'll she'll react to arriving in Britain, how the change will affect her, how she'll maybe new friends and so. I'd love for you to pm me for the next chapter

3) A word of advice? Don't post too often. I know you're allowed every two days but it sort of throws off many potential reviewers when you start a story and it's already 10 chapters in. Give people time to read your story, to review it. Review for other people first and they'll come to you like bees to honey.

Hope my review helped, keep writing!!!

Tanya




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Borntobeawriter pointed out all the grammer for yah. So I'm just going to tell you what I think...
I really really love how you write. I know I already asked you to PM me for the next part. Haha I'd appreciate it.
Thank you.
<3:
Layla
I hope someday that someone will walk into my life and help me realize why it never worked out with him or anyone else.




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I decided "If I read the 1st chapter, why don't I go on to the next?!" And this is a good peice. But I ,again, agree with Tanya. MC: What is her name, how old is she? What's her personality? It seems like you through in the characters, even the MC, and didn't even care who they were! (not trying to be mean there, sorry). Just follow Tanya's help. It will make your Book POP!
Nike :D
"If I look like a monster,' he says roughly, 'then no one will be surprised when I do monstrous things." - A.B. Poranek



If I feel physically as if the top of my head were taken off, I know that is poetry.
— Emily Dickinson