Chess Love

So I made this up yesterday while I was staring out my window. I know its unclear, but I would love reviews so I could clean it up a bit.

From the back of this forbidden area I watch your every movement.
From your pawns to your brave knights, as you watch me from my rooks to my bishops.You take my kind hostage until my love is yours.
I kidnap your courageous soldiers, until I receive your love and cradle you in my arms.
Slowly like voracious creatures we hurt and eat each other away.
Until I am left with your Queen trying to target me.
Her eyes penetrate in the deepest parts of my soul,that are yours.
Until she realizes only one can win this game.
I make my last move, hurting the one you truly love, and you become mine.
Yet, nothing great last forever.
Separation comes between us, and all love disappears until we repeat out
sick,habitual, routine until we tire of each others wicked games.

I hopes you liked it,thanks for your tips.

Hi. This was an interesting subject. It's very unique. This poem confused me a little though. I've played chess before, but I couldn't really figure out who "I" is. I thought it was the king at first, but then when it says "cradle you in my arms", it wouldn't make sense. So it's the queen right?

I put your writing in a different formatting.

From the back of this forbidden area,
I watch your every movement.
From your pawns to your brave knights,
as you watch me from my rooks to my bishops.
You take my kind hostage until my love is yours.
I kidnap your courageous soldiers,
until I receive your love and cradle you in my arms.
Slowly like voracious creatures
we hurt and eat each other away.
Until I am left with your Queen trying to target me.
Her eyes penetrate in the deepest parts of my soul,
that are yours.
Until she realizes only one can win this game.
I make my last move,
hurting the one you truly love,
and you become mine.
Yet, nothing great lasts forever.
Separation comes between us,
and all love disappears until we repeat out Do you mean our?sick,habitual, routine until we tire of each others wicked games.

I hopes you liked it,thanks for your tips.

Should be "I hope you liked it; thanks for your tips."

Please don't bash your own writing at the top. It tends to shy some people away.

Sorry if I was mean or anything. I didn't mean to be.
-Crescent

No it wasn't mean it actually helped a lot. Thanks for taking time, I greatly appreciate it.

Hey Nativecatcher!

I would like more of a play-by-play of the game and less adjectives used when describing the chessmen. It's pretty clear at the start that you are talking about chessman and chess, so don't worry about making it clear that that's the case. Just talk about the game, and from the game, make the metaphor. Right now, you're describing two stories, so the metaphor isn't coming out as clearly or as nicely as it could.

Good luck!

Hey Native Well done. GMTA (Great Minds Think Alike)
topic58366.html
It's called, Chess/Love Game