The Life And Times Of Scarlet Adamson Mer-Witch Princess

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Warning Bad Language- Tiny Bit-

Chapter One: Chillin’ Like a Villain

Bliss Scarlet thought, as she stretched in her pool. Her red hair shone in the river and her green eyes twinkled in delight. She loved swimming; it was her favourite thing to do after reading so getting to do both was rather satisfying.

*That evening in the restaurant, Ashling attempted to address the situation. She so didn’t want to, but she suspected she had to. To give her courage, she lit a cigarette Jack watched her smoke as if she was doing something remarkable.

“Scarlet, have you done your homework” Her mother asked, with her hands akimbo.

“Yes, ma’am I have” She said, glaring at her mother as if looking for a fight.

“Good.” Her mum replied, she started to walk back into the house but stopped abruptly. “Scarlet, have you unpacked.” She asked.

“Yes.” Scarlet lied,

Her mum walked back into the house and was back out in minutes. Her face was reddened with anger,

“Scarlet, get into that room and unpack.” She said derisively.

Scarlet looked up from her novel and gauged her mum’s anger, before deciding to drag herself out of the pool.

“I’m guessing that, I can’t beg for five more minutes’ right?”

“You would have guessed right,” Her mum answered.

Scarlet stomped into the house, up the stairs, into her room and then slammed the door. That was also deeply satisfying but all of her euphoria died down the moment she saw the luggage she had to unpack. Dammit she thought as she surveyed the boxes upon boxes of stuff that she soon would be opening.

She knew that she should be used to it by now but she wasn’t. She hated moving all the time, her mum always said the exact same words all the time ‘It’s the last time, ever’ but it never was. She was dragged across the world studying, water or fish or whatever marine biologist studied.

“Scarlet, Rogue tried to eat me again.” Goldie her goldfish complained.

“Rogue, don’t try to eat Goldie.” She scolded tiredly.

“He called me fat!” Rogue said defensively, turning around as she checked herself once again. “Scarlet, do you think I’m fat?” she asked.

“Goldie, apologise to Rogue right now. Rogue apologise too.” Scarlet said to both her fish and cat.

“Sorry.” They both said begrudgingly.

“Scarlet, why am I hearing voices and not unpacking” Her mother bellowed from the kitchen.

Scarlet frowned at her pets for a mille-second and then began to unpack her stuff.

“Seeing as neither of you have opposable thumbs, I’m going to have to pack, my shit and your shit by my self.” Scarlet grumbled.

“Well, do you think I’m fat? Quit trying to change the subject.” Rogue said, ignoring Scarlet latter comment.

“No!” Scarlet objected. “You’re not fat, now can I get some quiet.”

“I think it’s the food you keep getting me, those gourmet cat foods have too much calories in them. Get me a low fat one next time.”

“Rogue,” Scarlet growled. “Shut up!”

“My fur’s getting a bit dull. I think you should get me to one of those dermatologists for cats.” Rogue suggested but Scarlet was past listening.

“Goldie, do you think my fur is getting a bit dull.” She asked the goldfish.

“Yes, I think you’re getting something. Ooh, it looks nasty.” He teased.

“Are you sure?” Rogue questioned, as she scanned her pure black fur. “You’re not just pulling my tail.”

“Y-”

“Goldie, stop messing with Rogue.” Scarlet said tuning back into the conversation.

“Why? She’s the one who asked me a question, I’m entitled to answer it.”

“I’ve got two words for you, ‘Flushing toilet’.” She said, as she laid her bed.

“I don’t get it.” Goldie said.

“Neither do I” Rogue said in agreement but Scarlet was once again, was in not-really-caring land.

“Why do we even bother with her?” Goldie said to no one in particular.

“Because she feeds us, cleans us, takes us to the vet-”

“Shut up Rogue.” Goldie said.

Scarlet was finished with the second box and she descended on the third box. She had been able to talk to fish since forever but had only been able to talk to a cat at the age of twelve. She hadn’t had any luck with any other animals.

Rogue was a bit superficial and Goldie was a bully but they were her only friends. Her mother had no clue that she could talk to fish because it sounded crazy. Scarlet had debated on the subject and had come to an agreement not to mention that she talked to fish, unless she felt the need to enrol in a mental home.

Scarlet picked up her Box Of Memories, yes that happened to be the name of the box. It was a box where she put all the things that she cared about, that she had accumulated from her travels. Most of them were either pictures of beaches, pools or aquariums and one picture of a guitar- a Gibson to be exact.

She slid the Box Of Memories underneath her bed, and started to arrange her clothes and shoes neatly. After doing that she turned around to see Rogue poised in attack mode and Goldie trying to hide, in the little underwater paradise that Scarlet’s mum had constructed for him.

“Rogue, I swear if you take that jump no matter what Goldie said, you are sleeping outside.” She threatened.

“B…But” Rogue started.

“But nothing, tomorrow you can have your shot at Goldie.”

“Promise,”

“Yes, I promise. Now get out of here, go get a little exercise”

“So, you do think that I’m fat!” Rogue said as she stormed out angrily.

“No…I don’t-” Scarlet started but Rogue had already left.

“Goldie.”

“Don’t call my name. I didn’t make her storm out of the house.”

“Sure turn it all on me.”

“Ok.”

“Argh, there is no reasoning with you, is there?”

“No. Not really.”

“Scarlet. Dinner time,” Her mother called.

“I’m coming.” She replied. “We are not done.” She said in a slightly lowered voice, to Goldie.

“Um….Whatever,” Goldie said offhandedly.

“Argh, and not a word to Rogue about her weight or I promise you, I will serve you to her for dinner.” Scarlet threatened, and she stormed out of the room plotting Goldie’s demise although knowing that she was never going to go through with it.

She walked down the stairs to her new house with unfamiliarity, it was weird. It always was and when she got used to it, she moved. Her head pounded and she hummed an ominous theme as she opened the kitchen door.

“Mum, it’s freakishly quiet in this house.” She said. “I mean seriously, I keep expecting the weird guy from Saw to pop in.” She turned to her mum to complain some more, but stopped suddenly. Her mum was sitting on the dining table, her eyes widened and her right hand holding on to the phone.

“Y…you can’t come here.” She choked into the receiver.

“It’s because I said so dammit! Why can’t you try not to screw up everything for me, for just once in your existence?”

“M…mum?” Scarlet stuttered.

“What the f-hell do you want?” She screamed then stopped. “No. Not you, I know exactly what you want. I’m talking about Scarlet.”

“Is this a bad time?” Scarlet asked. “Yes, I’m gonna go now. Have fun!” Scarlet said and hurried out of the kitchen her dinner in hand.

“Scarlet! Get in here.” Her mum screamed.

Scarlet tiptoed back into the room, if I had known it was pissy mood day, I would have taken my chances with Goldie she thought.

“What is it?” Scarlet asked angrily-well tried to be angry.

“Someone from work wants to talk to you.” Her mum explained thrusting the phone towards Scarlet, with her eyes glazed over.

“O-Kay,” She said nervously.

“Hello,”

“Hi, Scarlet how are you doing?”

“Um…good, who are you again?”

“I’m Christopher…”

“You know what? You sound amazingly familiar.”

“I know why. I have met you once, a long time ago.”

“Really, I don’t remember ever meeting a Christopher but the voice seems familiar.”

“Well you were a baby. I didn’t even think you would have remembered anything about me.”

“Yeah, you know me. Remembrance Girl,” She said giggling at her sad attempt at a joke.

“You see that’s the problem…I don’t know yo-” He started but he never finished because her mum grabbed it off her hands. She was shaking with anger, fear and the glazed look was gone.

“Get out of here.” She ordered.

“Out where?” Scarlet asked.

“Out of my house, I don’t care where.” She yelled.

“O-Kay, I’m about to go out of the house. Where I might get mugged, killed, or worse noticed.” She complained as she headed for the door.

She shut the door but the last thing she heard was, “Chris, I’m not letting her go. What she doesn’t know won’t kill her.”

Scarlet ran her hair through her red curls and groaned in frustration. She was being thrust out to the outside world without being prepared and without her mother. At the age of Fifteen, Scarlet was what you call completely unprepared for life outside her house or an aquarium.

She headed for wherever seeing as she didn’t know the neighbourhood and cursed Christopher for making her mum mad. Ella-her mum- had a tendency to get mad when confronted about something, anything at all. She scanned the area and deduced that they (Scarlet and her mum) had moved to quite a posh neighbour hood, a first. Normally they lived in weird, nasty, dirty places that were fun but they were weird.

“Hello, my name is Greta. You must be the girl living in the Benson’s old house.” The girl sitting on the stairs grinned toothily at Scarlet.

“Hi Greta,” She said in a high pitched voice, a decibel lower than a scream. She hadn’t seen anyone and was about to scream bloody murder, when she heard Greta’s voice. “What Benson’s? I’ve never heard of them.”

“You know the house you live in now, was the Benson’s old house before they moved to Harmony Groove. Mum says that they might be in debt.” She rapidly informed. “Mum was going to drag me and Josh over to your house, to say hello but now you’re here I might as well show her you.” She pulled onto Scarlet’s arm and dragged her into the cream mansion.

Scarlet watched goggle-eyed as Greta dragged her into her house, ignoring all complaints.

“Eh….Kid, look-”

“Greta.”

“Right, Greta my mum will be looking for me now.”

“C’mon Scarlet, I want to show you to my brother also.”

Scarlet looked a Greta with annoyance, for she wasn’t even listening to her pleas and excuses.

“Mum! Mum!” Greta called.

She waited but there was no answer.

“Scarlet wait here, I’m going to go get my mum” She said and disappeared through the door at the left.

Scarlet looked mystified, she had been ditched in some kid’s house and she couldn’t remember how to get out. She turned around only for her eyes to meet a giant aquarium.

“Wow!” She said in awe.

“Hey, how are you guys doing?” She asked the fish.

“Oh great, guys it’s yet another one of Josh’s loonies.”

“She’s loonier than a loony tune.” The yellow and blue fish joked but no one laughed.

“Look. You annoying little-”

“What the fuck are you doing to my fish?” A voice from behind the banister asked.

“Um…erm…nothing”

“Who are you?” The voice asked.

“Look, I’m going to go now, the little girl dragged me in.” She said her face getting as red as her hair.

“Oh if it’s Candace, it’s okay.” A head popped out, a half-naked guy with a towel covering the rest walked down the stair. He had shaggy strawberry-blonde hair and amazingly bright blue eyes, like a cloudless sky. His tanned abs glistened with water.

“N…No! It was a girl called Greta.” She said, correcting him.

“It’s Candace, she’s obsessed with the Grimm brother’s book Hansel And Gretel but refuses to call herself Gretel so she picked the next best thing.” He explained and sat on the chair, half-naked and all.

“S…Shouldn’t you go get changed.” She suggested.

“What, Am I too hot to handle?”

“No, but pretty conceited.” She muttered under her breath.

“What did you say?” He asked.

“N…Nothing,” She answered her face flushing once more.

She turned to the fish but his reflection was on the glass, so there was basically no escape.

“I….I’m going to go now, can you please explain to me how…um leave.” She pleaded.

“No! Don’t, leave. Candace would kill me if I sent one of her friends away.”

“I’m not her friend, she just dragged me along,” Scarlet tried to explain.

“Right,” He said completely unconvinced.

Scarlet drew in a deep breath, as hot rage went through her. “Look, I am not your baby sister’s friend she abducted me. And I need to get home without having some freaking annoying...Bast-person telling me when I can leave.”

But she didn’t notice that as she was screaming at Josh, the aquarium was shaking.

“Um….chick,” Josh called warningly.

“And don’t call me chick.” She screamed, but on the last note the aquarium broke and water & glass spilled everywhere.

She screamed as she got a cut from a piece of glass flying in the air “Fuck-shit! I mean feck.” She screamed in pain and burst into laughter from her outburst.

“Are you okay? What am I asking, of course you’re not? You’re bleeding. And what the hell did you do to my aquarium; guess the fishes are probably dead. Fuck!”

“I’m sorry, but I didn’t do that, whatever it was.” She said, picking up the fishes and running around with the room trying to find some water. She found a fountain in the courtyard and dumped them in.

“Don’t die on me.” She said as she watched the fishes gasp for air or water or whatever it is fishes like.

Josh ran out only this time in jeans, a cotton wool and different colours of band-aid.

“Do you want a pink one, or a blue one? I didn’t know so I brought all the colours I have, Greta is on her way. She got stalled by my mum.”

“It’s okay, it’s not that bad. I’ll be going home now. I think your house is haunted, you should get it checked out” She suggested.

“So you didn’t do that?” He asked in disbelieve.

“No, I didn’t. It just blew up! It’s freaky.”

“I’m Josh, you are?”

“Bye.” She said in rapid speed and ran around the compound for a while but then found the gate.

Josh watched her go with an amused look on his face. But then the look erased as quickly as it at come, he knew he hadn’t made the explosion and that the only one who could have made it was the chick. He cocked his head to the side, he hadn’t seen pure, uncontrollable magic like that among people his age before and for her to have no clue what had happened also confused him…...her aura was different, it was mixed.

“Hmm, interesting,” He said and walked in to face his angry mother. The Sotheby family were an eloquent family in the history of magic they were very close to the royal family and very powerful.

“Joshua, what did I say about practising spells in the living room?”

“You said not to? I wasn’t really listening” He said and his mum began to lecture him and repeat the warning all over again. That chick owes me he thought.

“You are not allowed to use magic outside of un-contained areas” She lectured. Oh, that chick so owes me.

-Next Chapter, will be added soon-

Please give me your opinion.
:D

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Dont tell me the moon is shining, show me the glint of light on broken glass.

Anton Chekov




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Hey there, Anger. First off, I really like this! Now for the nitpicking. I noticed some grammar mistakes that are easily fixed. Such as "No," she said. Instead of "No" She said. You see what I mean? It's not a bad thing. I used to do the same thing, and still do sometimes. You might want to describe things more. Like when Greta, or rather Candace appears. I was a little confused at first. And maybe trying explaining the talking to animals thing after you first have the cat (or was it the fish?) talk to Scarlet.

Also, what was this:
*That evening in the restaurant, Ashling attempted to address the situation. She so didn’t want to, but she suspected she had to. To give her courage, she lit a cigarette Jack watched her smoke as if she was doing something remarkable.
about? I was a little confused about this.

Anyway. Back to the Greta thing. You might want to describe her, and Scarlet's surroundings a bit more. So far I've got what she's thinking, but not really what she's seeing or her surroundings.

As I said before. I really like this. It's really good so far and with a bit of work on the things I've suggest, it could be great. By the way, it made me smile in places.

Thanks for making me smile. Oh, and this is the longest review I've left so far. :smt003

~Scarlett.
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Hey!!! I really really like this. I'll be back later to review :)
Please take care to use good grammar when making a post!

"grammer" 1519 matches on YWS *twitches*

Rydia is the ruler of the world. :(




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Hey! Can you please please hurry and type up the 2nd chapter? Sorry if that sounds demanding but I just can't wait to read it. Plus, this was really good. I do have one question though, actually two I guess. One is a curious little idea/suggestion...

ONE: Who's Ashling? You only mentioned the name once in the whole story, and when you did mention he/she you didn't collaborate and say who he/she was.

TWO: It sort of sounds like Josh and Scarlet like each other. That's really all, if you meant it to be that way or it's not true, sorry!

Awesome job!!!

Rosie
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The three lines about Ashling are an excerpt from another book. That was meant to be in italics but isn't. I'm sorry for the confusion. And the next chapter will be on soon.....I would love to tell you when but i cant talk :xd: cause that would be telling :D
Dont tell me the moon is shining, show me the glint of light on broken glass.

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Hello :)

At first glance this looks quite daunting. It's really long and has a lot of dialogue. Variation is essential in keeping things interesting, even if it is just the way the page looks.

I like the chapter title, "Chillin' like a villain," has a very cool ring to it.

Avoid the habit of describing hair and eye-colour. An easy way to do it is to picture Scarlett clearly in your head, and mention the first three things that stand out most.

"Ma'am" is short for Madam. I think the word you meant to use is "Mam," which is an accented version of Mum.

Thoughts should be in italics, or stand out in some way.

I like Scarlett. She seems careless and rebellious against her mother, which in an odd way makes her both likable and relatable.

The characters seem very realistic too, even the talking fish and cat. They all seem to have their own distinct quirks that make them believable.

There's a slight clumsiness to the humour which makes it even more enjoyable to read.

Overall I'd say good work, this was interesting and fun to read. Your characters stand out a lot, so I think if you could nail those little descriptions this piece would be awesome.
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Please read the following articles and edit your work accordingly.
Though punctuation isn't the deciding factor as to whether a piece is good or not, it makes it a lot easier to read and to critique when the work is properly edited and clean.

On Dialogue Punctuation: Click here.
And for an introduction to the Importance of Grammar: Click here.

Furthermore, please check out this article, especially the portion about run-on sentences (pay attention to comma splices): Click here.

“Well, do you think I’m fat? Quit trying to change the subject.” Rogue said, ignoring Scarlet latter comment.



“No!” Scarlet objected. “You’re not fat, now can I get some quiet.”


This is one example of a place in this piece where you need to work on these different problems. In the first part, the period after subject should be a comment. In the second part, Scarlet's dialogue is a comma splice and incorrectly punctuated. If she's asking a question, it should end with a question mark. It should also probably be:
"You're not fat. Now, can I get some quiet?"
or if you wanted to emphasize a connection between the sentences without too much of a pause, try:
"You're not fat -- now, can I get some quiet?"

Please PM me if you have any questions.

-Hannah-
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