Suffocating

"Look at me when I'm talking to you!" The blow hit me from behind, knocking me onto the sidewalk. Tears rolled down my face as I looked at my scraped up hands and felt his heels digging into my thighs.

"I have to go," I whisper, my brown hair falling in front of my face. My eyeliner begins to coat my cheeks as he kicks my legs covered by my skinny jeans.

"You're not leaving Becca," he says. "You're not going to leave me."

"Yes I am Dan! I am going to leave you, and you can't stop me." I slowly rise from the sidewalk, only to be pushed down again, my face stopping centimeters above the concrete. But it slams into the sidewalk as his hand forces my face down.

Blood flows freely from my nose and I can't breathe. I can only breathe in the stench of my only red blood. "Will you come back tomorrow?" he growls. I slowly nod and he lets me stand up.

But he doesn't kiss me, or comfort me, or wipe away the blood. He just kicks me one last time before I stagger home. As I enter my house I realize I'm alone, my mom probably isn't home from work yet. I know I have to hurry and clean myself up or else she would start asking question.

*~*~*~*~*~

"Hey babe," his voice sends chills up and down my back. I just want to run away and hide, hide from him. His arm snakes around my waist and he kisses my neck gently. I let out a sigh of pleasure, and it reminds me why I am dating him. He loves me, he loves me.

But on the way home from school it changes, just like the day before, I can't breathe, I'm drowning in my own blood, I'm suffocating. I can't breathe. I can't call through the liquid surrounding me, I can't tell anyone. I can't let him get hurt, I have to protect him, because he loves me.

*~*~*~*~*~*~

The dream is terrifying. I have had it for the past four months, ever since Dan started abusing me. But in the dream, I can't breathe. He's always there, loving me, then shoving me down and breaking me. I love him, and he's the only one in the world who loves me. I want love, and he can give it to me. But inside, I'm suffocating.

*Dedicated to all those girls who have been abused, don't suffocate, breathe the air, and tell.

I know how a lot of girls feel in this kind of situtation. And it breaks something inside. It's not a pretty picture and abuse is never funny. Take it seriously and don't joke about it because it happens and it's not a surprise-it's unwanted.

Thank you for writing this, Forest. By the way, I don't see any mistakes or anything else. Though the subject is a touchy one, sometimes you need to write about it. *clicks 'like' *

Hey Forest!

Nice story here! I have a friend who was almost like a sister to me, and I haven't really talked to her in years, but from what I've heard, she's dealing with a situation almost like your character, Becca. Many girls in this situation are manipulated by the guy, or feel that they can't leave him unless they want to get hurt further or possibly killed by him.

Now, when it comes to the story itself, I don't really see anything much that needs to be corrected. One thing that I would like though is if you would add more imagery to it and try to show the readers where they are and tell them if the air is moist (while she isn't suffocating, that is) or if it's dry, or similar stuff to get a feel for the condition and almost feel and see what Becca does.

*~*~*~*~*~



"Hey babe," his voice sends chills up and down my back. I just want to run away and hide, hide from him. His arm snakes around my waist and he kisses my neck gently. I let out a sigh of pleasure, and it reminds me why I am dating him. He loves me, he loves me.



But on the way home from school it changes, just like the day before, I can't breathe, I'm drowning in my own blood, I'm suffocating. I can't breathe. I can't call through the liquid surrounding me, I can't tell anyone. I can't let him get hurt, I have to protect him, because he loves me.



*~*~*~*~*~*~



The dream is terrifying. I have had it for the past four months, ever since Dan started abusing me. But in the dream, I can't breathe. He's always there, loving me, then shoving me down and breaking me. I love him, and he's the only one in the world who loves me. I want love, and he can give it to me. But inside, I'm suffocating.

It's probably just me, but it feels a little too soon to make another page break and go on to a new section. Maybe you can think of a way to add a little more to the area in bold?

That's all I can really think of. I like this piece and I think it could go in the romance section. I'm glad to see someone wrote about this, and I wish cases like these wouldn't happen so much.

Good luck and happy writing,

~Heather

Heavens to Besty! I'm hear to review your works and a pice of mind! I like this story!! People need to be shown what happens inside a girl's head! They need to know to help. Everyone thinks girls are seductive–– and some are–– but guys pressure us!! (I'm not talking from experience, I don't have a boyfriend) This scared me, giving reality to something that seems so far away like a light at the end of a long tunnel. Have you perchance read Lolita or A Tree Grows In Brooklyn? Also To Kill A Mokingbird is a great pick for this type of writing!
Chow!
~sionarama

Hi Forest . I shall review today.

Blood flows freely from my nose and I can't breathe. I can only breathe in the stench of my only red blood. "Will you come back tomorrow?" he growls. I slowly nod and he lets me stand up.

When you say "only" in "my only red blood" do you mean "own". It sounds better (to me) when it's "my own red blood" or "my red blood".

Your writing was really powerful. It seemed very real. It's definitely a good story to help people be more aware of abuse and get the female aspect of it.

-Cressy

It's such a good story although, I am unable to relate to it, I felt like i was living in it.