consistently inconsistent

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When the bell rings for a new week,
you'll take your finger and pick a number,
pull the name out of a hat, down a vodka and coke
and remember pain only hurts if you're the recipient.

People say you're complex, but I know the pattern is simple,
you pick a barrel to place the bullet and spin it playfully round,
and wait till my forehead is lit up. You could kill everyone
in the room without reloading or taking another breath.

You smell like the perfume Impulsion and Caprice should
be your middle name, because you're so predictably

unpredictable.

If I tried to write about you, the ink would smudge and the
pen would dry up with the effort, the paper would tear
too easily and cut my fingers, the keyboard would break
and the computer freeze;

because nobody wants to be an accomplice in the crime
of cracking the unfathomable EnigMa.
Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.




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You smell like the perfume Impulsion and Caprice should
be your middle name, because you're so predictably


I think you should put a comma or some kind of indication at the end of "Impulsion" because it seems like you're saying "You smell like the perfume Impulsion and Caprice" as though "Impulsion and Caprice" were the name of the perfume (though, maybe just out of my ignorance I'm not familiar with 'Impulsion'). Needless to say, I had to read it several times to get it. And,

unpredictable.

Agh!! Why the period!?

The last stanza was really good, though and the only thing that messed it up a little was the stanza I mentioned previously. Overall, great work as always.
when there's nowhere to go, it's time to grow up.




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Once again, you take something so cliche and make it unique. I like it, again. lol
Love and Light




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Agh!! Why the period!?


Because you didn't predict it was gonna be there...hehehe.
Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.




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I don't know... it seems like your trying to force in all these big sounding words when some smaller ones would do just fine. Especially thE word "recipient." I don't know... you're trying too hard. You want a jagged sharp effect, yet your word choice seems so clumsy that the poem seems to bumble along.

I don't know...
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D




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I agree with Chevy about the comma (or semicolon) in "You smell like the perfume Impulsion and Caprice should" I realize you probably kept Impulsion and Caprice close together for visual and auditory effect (I like that), but I too thought the perfume was so titled.

My nitpick: You wrote a whole stanza about being incapable of writing about this person. Obviously, you did it with out the computer keeling over. It feels like you stuck this in for it's imagery rather than meaning.

Overall, I liked it. I like that you addressed the unpredictable as the audience. I like your novel approach. I'd like to see it reworked with some editing.



Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.
— Søren Kierkegaard