Through the Darkness

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I wrote this last year, hah, guess I should mention.. I wrote this for nanowrimo in school. Everything is thick and uneeded because I was trying to bump up the word count/ :)


The glossy sweat covered curls on Jenna May's head bounced as her legs pounded the wet mossy earth below her feet, her breathing quick and deep as she paced herself forward. She could see the dimly lit arched window in the distance, and she knew by the way the light flickered that it was the glow of friendly tall, tapered candles lit by someone she had waited years to see. The distance to the light, she couldn't tell. The look on her face made her easy to read, like a book opened on the perfect page that described her emotions with such clarity it was hard to not know what she was worried about. The only thing that could prevent you from reading her emotions that played so easily across her delicate yet sharp features was the blanket of darkness that enveloped the world with such a ominous feel. As she moved through the thick forest of overgrowing undergrowth, she could feel the energy of the trees, the plants, the animals, all of it coursing through her veins, like hot blood pulsing through her. The way the balls of her feet kept her balanced evenly as she ran over thick bushes, tree roots, plants and brush, you could tell she'd been running for years, though from what it was hard to tell.
A grin broke across her lips, making her dimples simply evident on her cheeks, as she neared the seemingly small log cabin from which the friendly light of candles broke the surface of the darkness, and warmed the very marrow in her bones. She felt so close, so painstakingly close to the house, but she knows it was still about an hour away if she continued at the pace she'd been running for the past two weeks. Most would wonder why she's run so far, how she sees so well. But then again, most don't know the true DNA hidden deep inside the making, the birth of her. She grimaced and raised her light green, brown flecked eyes to the full moon hanging in the sky above her, and held back a shiver. She knew she wouldn't be able to resist it, and she didn't want to. Her spine cracked inside of her, reformed into a new shape. Her bones broke painfully, and her legs and arms lengthened into powerful paws. Her nose and jaw snapped and crunched, and protruded outward, forming a muzzle covered in thick, dirty white fur, the same of which soon stretches over her entire form, covering her from head to toe. Her ears popped and she felt like someone was poking multiple needles into her ears, and she couldn't hear anything for about three to four minutes, which through her pain felt like years.
A long, deep agonizing howl escaped her throat as the pain spread through her, taking her in its hot cocoon of darkness. Her running slowed and stopped as she curled into a motionless ball on the forest floor, long dreadful sounds ripping from her throat. Her spine wracked with painful sobs of a tortured wolf, and she continued her next twenty minutes on the floor, pawing helplessly her sharp claws on the nearest branch, cutting deep into the wood. She took her time absorbing the pain, and when she felt she could walk she stood. On all fours she stretched her legs out, shook herself, and took in the new perspective of the world she saw. She could smell the pine on the trees, she could see the bristles on the pine cones themselves. She could hear the high pitched chirps of the crickets below her, like clear bells ringing in her ears. And when she thought she was ready, she coiled herself and sprung forward, hitting the ground at a run. Her power-filled bounds threw her though the forest without any obstacles to slow her down. The lighted, arched window played closer and closer as she ran, exciting and encouraging her faster still towards the log cabin. And soon, as if no time had gone by, she was there, standing in front of the window looking inside. The room appeared to be empty save for a woman who looked to be in her mid-twenties with medium length auburn hair. Her features were as sharp as her expression, and her body had a sort of athletic shape to it. Her blue-grey eyes strayed from the book that had been sitting in her lap to the window where Jenna May stood in her most natural form.
The slightest hint of a smile touched her lips as she set the book on the deep burgundy table in front of her. Her hands reached down and grabbed the seat she was sitting on as she pushed herself back, standing from the chair. Her hair fell over her shoulders in a cascade of silk as she walked out of Jenna's view. There was a click, and the door to the right of Jenna creaked open as the woman peered outside as if checking for strangers, her eyes wandering over Jenna so smoothly as if she weren't even there, and then she waved her hand and motioned for Jenna to come inside. Jenna brought herself to walk into the log cabin without quivering or letting onto any hints of her anxiousness. And that's when the woman hugged her large, fur-covered body, burying her face in Jenna's neck.
"Oh Jenna, it's been so long, I wasn't sure you'd come." the woman murmured into Jenna's coat of dirty white. Jenna couldn't help but smile a toothy grin as she nuzzled the woman fondly and replied, "It takes some time to get here Marie. You shouldn't have worried." Marie pulled her face and arms from Jenna and straightened herself, her face returning to the stern composition it usually held. And then, as if on cue, two smaller dull brown wolves leaped from a large doorway and towards Jenna. They hit her with a force she couldn't control, and forced her to the floor with playful bites and yips. Jenna squealed and rolled over, the two wolves below her stomach, obviously giving up the fight. They pushed their muzzles to her cheek and let out low whimpers of what most would think despair, but was actually joy. Jenna returned the affection and with a quick glance at Marie went to change back into her human skin in the other room.
"Both of you, go change. This is a formal meeting. We shall not have you acting like pups in the pack." Marie's cold and stern tone brought the two younger wolves to attention, and they obeyed her as if she were their mother. They too bounded into yet another arched door, which seemed to be strangely popping in and out of existence in the room. After a good half of an hour all three came back into the room, fully clothed and human. Jenna May was wearing a scarlet robe that dragged across the floor as she walked. It was decorated ornately by threaded golden stitches in the form of patterns of wolves, moons, and stars. The other two that joined in were a boy and a girl, looking to be about the age of ten each, obviously twins. The girl wore a robe much like Jenna's, but shorter and royal blue. The boy wore a robe and pants made of white silk, also decorated in golden threaded designs. Phoebe and Ryan were a strange couple. They had come to Marie and Gage when they were about eight, Phoebe without her memory and Ryan strangely cold to them at first. But this hadn't mattered to Marie nor to Gage. They had taken them in none the less, and that was what mattered. Marie too had changed into a robe of violet, with the same repeating designs and length of Jenna's. The formal wear seemed to be a sort of uniform to the human eye. But to them, it was the cloth that had represented their entire lives.
"Ah, Jenna." A man looking to be about twenty slid through the door outside into the cabin. He looked at Jenna with a funny sort of smile as he walked towards her and embraced her in a hug that left her gasping for her air. Jenna smiled up at him and tried to remember what he had last looked like. He had been short then, with scruffy black hair on top of his head. He had been scrawny and about as strong as he could be just sitting at home reading comic books. But now he was different. He was taller, about six foot one, and his scruffy black hair had been combed and slicked into neat spikes on top of his head. He was tan, his eyes were green like Jenna's, and his arms with wiry with thriving muscles. He's changed a lot in six years, Jenna thought. But then again, so has Jenna. He was wearing a black sweater that covered his arms and kept the heat in. His jeans were dirty and ripped slightly at the knees, possibly from running as far as Jenna had, if not farther.
"Gage, you big hunk of emotions." Jenna said with a smirk as she playfully punched Gage in the shoulder. "Phoebe, Ryan, you don't have to be so quiet." The young boy and girl brought their eyes from their hands that sat on their laps. They jumped up simultaneously and ran over to Gage, both of them hugging him in a sort of ambush. Gage smiled and gave them short bear hugs each, before setting them down to let them run back to their seats.
"Ahem. Are we ready now?" Marie's blue-grey eyes shone lightly at Jenna and Gage as they took their seats at the table and nodded their heads, both of them curious as to what was so important that they had to be called back to the den. "Last night a stranger came here," Marie started, and Jenna couldn't help but notice the looks of fright on Phoebe and Ryan's faces as they bent their heads down at the mention of this stranger. "He asked me something. He let onto knowing of us. And he was a human." Jenna's eyes widened slightly when Marie said this. What could a human want with them? How could a human know? "He told me his name was General Harte, and that he was a general in the national US Army. He asked me if I had seen any unusually large dogs running around lately. I think he meant us, wolves." Gage's fingers tightened into a fist at the insult, and his face burned slightly red.
"What would an army official want with our pack?" Jenna asked, to no one in particular. She grimaced at the thought of the things they might use her pack for.
"I wish I knew Jenna. We need to keep a low profile. Very low. So low that you only changed when impossible to resist the urge. You understand?" Gage and Phoebe nodded. Ryan frowned when he heard this but knew he'd have to listen. And Jenna could understand the frown on Ryan's face because she too loved the rush and feel of her other form. But if Marie demanded it, it was to be done.
"I've called you two, Jenna, Gage, here to ask a favor. I've gotten word of other packs around the states. Some have been contacted by generals of the army, too. They've sent for me to discuss this strange dilemma. And so I've agreed.
"You see, Phoebe and Ryan are too young to accompany me on this journey," and here Ryan and Phoebe wrinkled their noses in obvious disagreement, "and they need someone to watch over and protect them. I was hoping that the two of you would be able to do this for me, considering the problem at hand." Marie raised her eyebrows at Gage and Jenna, knowing they wouldn't deny her request, but still giving them a questioning look.
"I wouldn't mind." Jenna smiled at Phoebe and Ryan, who smiled back at her, looking relieved to be rid of Marie for a bit.
"And I have the time too," Gage responded, winking at Phoebe, Ryan, and Jenna. The small wrinkles around Marie's eyes seemed to fade a bit when she heard the news. She looked less stressed, and that thought was soon proven by the way she relaxed in her chair.
"I've got to leave soon as I can go. I'll be gone by the time you all wake up." She gave a half hearted smile and continued, "Phoebe, Ryan. It's late, and about time you two scuttled off to bed. Gage, Jenna, feel free to explore the cabin. It's been quite some time since you've seen it." And with this she stood, kissing Phoebe and Ryan on top of their heads. Then she moved to Jenna and Gage, who also stood to give Marie a hug before she started towards her door that opened in the wall and swallowed itself up into the log as she disappeared.
"Well, kids. Off to bed." Jenna smirked, shooing Phoebe and Ryan off to a door painted half purple and half blue. They stuck their tongues out at Jenna and Gage before entering their room, which seemed to disappear too. "So, where to?" Jenna turned to Gage, who was snoring quietly on the leather arm chair in front of the large burning fire. Jenna scowled to herself and wheeled around, her silk robes spinning on the wood as she thought of a library and entered the next archway that appeared in the wood walls.
She was spit out into a room that was covered in floral wallpaper and a matching ornate rug on the ground. The room itself was large and spacious, with high arched beams that held the ceiling up. There were rows and rows of cherry wood bookshelves that held books of a very strange variety. All around the room there couches and arm chairs, some of them matching and some of them looking as if they had been picked randomly from a magazine cover. The room was well lit by lamps and sconces that covered the walls, and few floor lamps that were set by the couches and coffee tables.
Her smile was large and warm as she pulled a book off the shelf with the title, "The Moon Pack, a history. By Rachelle Marianne." She cocked her head at the name, and thought it looked familiar as she sat down on a particularly over fluffed couch jammed full of pillows that weren't necessary. Her fingers roamed over the delicate yet strong leather binding that held the book together before she gently flipped to the first page of the book, where she could see the paper was parchment and that the whole book had been written in black ink and in scrawling cursive letters. And then she began to read,
The history of the Moon Pack is one that is dirtied by lies and secrets held within the members of the pack. What we can say is that it was formed in seventeen eighteen, by the great black wolf Henry Gideon. His goal was to bring together as many wolves as he could from all over the world so that we might live in peace and with our own kind.
Jenna's eyes started to droop as she continued reading, interested in the pack and the curious findings of Henry Gideon. The darkness outside seemed to lift slowly as night turned to day, and animals woke from their sleep. The chirping of birds warned Jenna that she had been up far too late, and that she had better be getting in as much sleep as she could before she had to wake up and watch over Ryan and Phoebe for who knows how long.
Too tired to get up, Jenna placed a pre-made bookmark in between pages one thirty and one thirty one and set it on the coffee table on the right to the couch before grabbing the home-knit blanket from over the arm of the couch and curling up with one of the pillows to sleep.
Last edited by NikkiLow on Sat Mar 06, 2010 2:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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This is really just holding the place for a real review, okay? I don't have enough time for the rest of it now but I'll get onto it!!

NikkiLow wrote:I wrote this last year, not sure how good it is. :P




The glossy sweat covered curls on Jenna May's head bounced as her legs pounded the wet mossy earth below her feet, her breathing quick and deep as she paced herself forward. #FF0000 ">< (paced probably isn't a good word here. Change it?) She could see the dimly lit arched window in the distance, #FF0000 ">< (you enjoy describing things, I see. Though it's well written, it slows down the story to use so many adjectives) and she knew by the way the light flickered that it was the glow of friendly tall, tapered candles lit by someone she had waited years to see. #FF0000 ">< (how would she know this?) The distance to the light, she couldn't tell. The look on her face made her easy to read, like a book opened on #FF0000 ">< (to may be better) the perfect page that described her emotions with such clarity it was hard to not know what she was worried about. #FF0000 ">< (all marked in green is unneeded) The only thing that could prevent you from reading her emotions that played so easily across her delicate yet sharp features was the blanket of darkness that enveloped the world with such a ominous feel. #FF0000 ">< (right now I have no idea what you're talking about, you've layered it so thick with words and phrases that are, quite frankly, UNNEEDED.) As she moved through the thick forest of overgrowing undergrowth, she could feel the energy of the trees, the plants, the animals, all of it coursing through her veins, like hot blood pulsing through her. The way the balls of her feet kept her balanced evenly as she ran over thick bushes, tree roots, plants and brush, you could tell she'd been running for years, though from what it was hard to tell. #FF0000 ">< (better, but meaning?)
A grin broke across her lips, making her dimples simply evident on her cheeks, as she neared the seemingly small log cabin from which the friendly light of candles broke the surface of the darkness, and warmed the very marrow in her bones. She felt so close, so painstakingly close to the house, but she knows it was still about an hour away if she continued at the pace she'd been running for the past two weeks. Most would wonder why she's run so far, how she sees so well. But then again, most don't know the true DNA hidden deep inside the making, the birth of her. She grimaced and raised her light green, brown flecked eyes to the full moon hanging in the sky above her, and held back a shiver. She knew she wouldn't be able to resist it, and she didn't want to. Her spine cracked inside of her, reformed into a new shape. Her bones broke painfully, and her legs and arms lengthened into powerful paws. Her nose and jaw snapped and crunched, and protruded outward, forming a muzzle covered in thick, dirty white fur, the same of which soon stretches over her entire form, covering her from head to toe. Her ears popped and she felt like someone was poking multiple needles into her ears, and she couldn't hear anything for about three to four minutes, which through her pain felt like years.
A long, deep agonizing howl escaped her throat as the pain spread through her, taking her in its hot cocoon of darkness. Her running slowed and stopped as she curled into a motionless ball on the forest floor, long dreadful sounds ripping from her throat. Her spine wracked with painful sobs of a tortured wolf, and she continued her next twenty minutes on the floor, pawing helplessly her sharp claws on the nearest branch, cutting deep into the wood. She took her time absorbing the pain, and when she felt she could walk she stood. On all fours she stretched her legs out, shook herself, and took in the new perspective of the world she saw. She could smell the pine on the trees, she could see the bristles on the pine cones themselves. She could hear the high pitched chirps of the crickets below her, like clear bells ringing in her ears. And when she thought she was ready, she coiled herself and sprung forward, hitting the ground at a run. Her power-filled bounds threw her though the forest without any obstacles to slow her down. The lighted, arched window played closer and closer as she ran, exciting and encouraging her faster still towards the log cabin. And soon, as if no time had gone by, she was there, standing in front of the window looking inside. The room appeared to be empty save for a woman who looked to be in her mid-twenties with medium length auburn hair. Her features were as sharp as her expression, and her body had a sort of athletic shape to it. Her blue-grey eyes strayed from the book that had been sitting in her lap to the window where Jenna May stood in her most natural form.
The slightest hint of a smile touched her lips as she set the book on the deep burgundy table in front of her. Her hands reached down and grabbed the seat she was sitting on as she pushed herself back, standing from the chair. Her hair fell over her shoulders in a cascade of silk as she walked out of Jenna's view. There was a click, and the door to the right of Jenna creaked open as the woman peered outside as if checking for strangers, her eyes wandering over Jenna so smoothly as if she weren't even there, and then she waved her hand and motioned for Jenna to come inside. Jenna brought herself to walk into the log cabin without quivering or letting onto any hints of her anxiousness. And that's when the woman hugged her large, fur-covered body, burying her face in Jenna's neck.
"Oh Jenna, it's been so long, I wasn't sure you'd come." the woman murmured into Jenna's coat of dirty white. Jenna couldn't help but smile a toothy grin as she nuzzled the woman fondly and replied, "It takes some time to get here Marie. You shouldn't have worried." Marie pulled her face and arms from Jenna and straightened herself, her face returning to the stern composition it usually held. And then, as if on cue, two smaller dull brown wolves leaped from a large doorway and towards Jenna. They hit her with a force she couldn't control, and forced her to the floor with playful bites and yips. Jenna squealed and rolled over, the two wolves below her stomach, obviously giving up the fight. They pushed their muzzles to her cheek and let out low whimpers of what most would think despair, but was actually joy. Jenna returned the affection and with a quick glance at Marie went to change back into her human skin in the other room.
"Both of you, go change. This is a formal meeting. We shall not have you acting like pups in the pack." Marie's cold and stern tone brought the two younger wolves to attention, and they obeyed her as if she were their mother. They too bounded into yet another arched door, which seemed to be strangely popping in and out of existence in the room. After a good half of an hour all three came back into the room, fully clothed and human. Jenna May was wearing a scarlet robe that dragged across the floor as she walked. It was decorated ornately by threaded golden stitches in the form of patterns of wolves, moons, and stars. The other two that joined in were a boy and a girl, looking to be about the age of ten each, obviously twins. The girl wore a robe much like Jenna's, but shorter and royal blue. The boy wore a robe and pants made of white silk, also decorated in golden threaded designs. Phoebe and Ryan were a strange couple. They had come to Marie and Gage when they were about eight, Phoebe without her memory and Ryan strangely cold to them at first. But this hadn't mattered to Marie nor to Gage. They had taken them in none the less, and that was what mattered. Marie too had changed into a robe of violet, with the same repeating designs and length of Jenna's. The formal wear seemed to be a sort of uniform to the human eye. But to them, it was the cloth that had represented their entire lives.
"Ah, Jenna." A man looking to be about twenty slid through the door outside into the cabin. He looked at Jenna with a funny sort of smile as he walked towards her and embraced her in a hug that left her gasping for her air. Jenna smiled up at him and tried to remember what he had last looked like. He had been short then, with scruffy black hair on top of his head. He had been scrawny and about as strong as he could be just sitting at home reading comic books. But now he was different. He was taller, about six foot one, and his scruffy black hair had been combed and slicked into neat spikes on top of his head. He was tan, his eyes were green like Jenna's, and his arms with wiry with thriving muscles. He's changed a lot in six years, Jenna thought. But then again, so has Jenna. He was wearing a black sweater that covered his arms and kept the heat in. His jeans were dirty and ripped slightly at the knees, possibly from running as far as Jenna had, if not farther.
"Gage, you big hunk of emotions." Jenna said with a smirk as she playfully punched Gage in the shoulder. "Phoebe, Ryan, you don't have to be so quiet." The young boy and girl brought their eyes from their hands that sat on their laps. They jumped up simultaneously and ran over to Gage, both of them hugging him in a sort of ambush. Gage smiled and gave them short bear hugs each, before setting them down to let them run back to their seats.
"Ahem. Are we ready now?" Marie's blue-grey eyes shone lightly at Jenna and Gage as they took their seats at the table and nodded their heads, both of them curious as to what was so important that they had to be called back to the den. "Last night a stranger came here," Marie started, and Jenna couldn't help but notice the looks of fright on Phoebe and Ryan's faces as they bent their heads down at the mention of this stranger. "He asked me something. He let onto knowing of us. And he was a human." Jenna's eyes widened slightly when Marie said this. What could a human want with them? How could a human know? "He told me his name was General Harte, and that he was a general in the national US Army. He asked me if I had seen any unusually large dogs running around lately. I think he meant us, wolves." Gage's fingers tightened into a fist at the insult, and his face burned slightly red.
"What would an army official want with our pack?" Jenna asked, to no one in particular. She grimaced at the thought of the things they might use her pack for.
"I wish I knew Jenna. We need to keep a low profile. Very low. So low that you only changed when impossible to resist the urge. You understand?" Gage and Phoebe nodded. Ryan frowned when he heard this but knew he'd have to listen. And Jenna could understand the frown on Ryan's face because she too loved the rush and feel of her other form. But if Marie demanded it, it was to be done.
"I've called you two, Jenna, Gage, here to ask a favor. I've gotten word of other packs around the states. Some have been contacted by generals of the army, too. They've sent for me to discuss this strange dilemma. And so I've agreed.
"You see, Phoebe and Ryan are too young to accompany me on this journey," and here Ryan and Phoebe wrinkled their noses in obvious disagreement, "and they need someone to watch over and protect them. I was hoping that the two of you would be able to do this for me, considering the problem at hand." Marie raised her eyebrows at Gage and Jenna, knowing they wouldn't deny her request, but still giving them a questioning look.
"I wouldn't mind." Jenna smiled at Phoebe and Ryan, who smiled back at her, looking relieved to be rid of Marie for a bit.
"And I have the time too," Gage responded, winking at Phoebe, Ryan, and Jenna. The small wrinkles around Marie's eyes seemed to fade a bit when she heard the news. She looked less stressed, and that thought was soon proven by the way she relaxed in her chair.
"I've got to leave soon as I can go. I'll be gone by the time you all wake up." She gave a half hearted smile and continued, "Phoebe, Ryan. It's late, and about time you two scuttled off to bed. Gage, Jenna, feel free to explore the cabin. It's been quite some time since you've seen it." And with this she stood, kissing Phoebe and Ryan on top of their heads. Then she moved to Jenna and Gage, who also stood to give Marie a hug before she started towards her door that opened in the wall and swallowed itself up into the log as she disappeared.
"Well, kids. Off to bed." Jenna smirked, shooing Phoebe and Ryan off to a door painted half purple and half blue. They stuck their tongues out at Jenna and Gage before entering their room, which seemed to disappear too. "So, where to?" Jenna turned to Gage, who was snoring quietly on the leather arm chair in front of the large burning fire. Jenna scowled to herself and wheeled around, her silk robes spinning on the wood as she thought of a library and entered the next archway that appeared in the wood walls.
She was spit out into a room that was covered in floral wallpaper and a matching ornate rug on the ground. The room itself was large and spacious, with high arched beams that held the ceiling up. There were rows and rows of cherry wood bookshelves that held books of a very strange variety. All around the room there couches and arm chairs, some of them matching and some of them looking as if they had been picked randomly from a magazine cover. The room was well lit by lamps and sconces that covered the walls, and few floor lamps that were set by the couches and coffee tables.
Her smile was large and warm as she pulled a book off the shelf with the title, "The Moon Pack, a history. By Rachelle Marianne." She cocked her head at the name, and thought it looked familiar as she sat down on a particularly over fluffed couch jammed full of pillows that weren't necessary. Her fingers roamed over the delicate yet strong leather binding that held the book together before she gently flipped to the first page of the book, where she could see the paper was parchment and that the whole book had been written in black ink and in scrawling cursive letters. And then she began to read,
The history of the Moon Pack is one that is dirtied by lies and secrets held within the members of the pack. What we can say is that it was formed in seventeen eighteen, by the great black wolf Henry Gideon. His goal was to bring together as many wolves as he could from all over the world so that we might live in peace and with our own kind.
Jenna's eyes started to droop as she continued reading, interested in the pack and the curious findings of Henry Gideon. The darkness outside seemed to lift slowly as night turned to day, and animals woke from their sleep. The chirping of birds warned Jenna that she had been up far too late, and that she had better be getting in as much sleep as she could before she had to wake up and watch over Ryan and Phoebe for who knows how long.
Too tired to get up, Jenna placed a pre-made bookmark in between pages one thirty and one thirty one and set it on the coffee table on the right to the couch before grabbing the home-knit blanket from over the arm of the couch and curling up with one of the pillows to sleep.
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Here's the review you requested. Sorry I'm a little late.

Since you are already aware of a lot of the words being unneeded, I'm not going to comment on that. What I do suggest is that next time, if you are going to post something from NaNoWriMo, please edit it first and fix all the things you already know need fixing. This way, it make it easier for your reviewers to focus on and point out the areas that you could use improvement in.

She felt so close, so painstakingly close to the house, but she knows it was still about an hour away if she continued at the pace she'd been running for the past two weeks.

Tense shift. You have a couple of these scattered throughout the story. Reading your story out loud is a good way to catch a lot of these; if it sounds off, it probably is. Reading your story aloud will also help you catch a number of other issues, such as awkward phrasings, too many adjectives, etc.

any hints of her anxiousness

"Anxiety" is the word to use here. When in doubt, use a dictionary. When not in doubt, using a dictionary is always a good idea anyway.

But then again, so had Jenna. He was wearing a black sweater that covered his arms and kept the heat in. His jeans were dirty and ripped slightly at the knees, possibly from running as far as Jenna had, if not farther.

Jumping back and forth between Jenna and Gage is a bit jarring. Keep all of Gage's description together, and then compare the change in Gage and Jenna. It flows much more smoothly and makes more sense.

And then she began to read(colon)

The history of the Moon Pack is one that is dirtied by lies and secrets held within the members of the pack. What we can say is that it was formed in seventeen eighteen, by the great black wolf Henry Gideon. His goal was to bring together as many wolves as he could from all over the world so that we might live in peace and with our own kind.

Since this entire paragraph is an excerpt from the book itself and not part of the narrative, you need to set it apart somehow. Since it's a short excerpt, italicizing it is a good idea. For longer excerpts (3+ lines of text), indenting it works best.

For the most part, your spelling and grammar are excellent. You just have to watch out for tense shifts, an occasionally misused comma (I only caught one), and made up words. As far as the story itself, it looks to be off to a good start, and you captured and held my interest enough that I'd read the second part if you ever posted it. You really do need to edit out all the unnecessary words, though. The stacked adjectives in particular made this a bit trying to read at times, especially at the beginning. If your beginning isn't great, no matter how great the rest of your story is, you run the risk of losing your reader.

Overall, I'd say this is a solid start. It's obvious that you know your basics well, so all the things I pointed out should be easy (if a bit tedious) for you to fix. :D
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