Different world

Don't you ever wish for a different world? One, that is different from the one you know? One where things are of a different circumstance than what you know? Where things are different, in some ways better,or more manageable? Where relationship's with people are better, or where the sting of humanity is non-existent? Where the ache of cruelness is covered by the light of kindness and the warmth of love? One where caring for people is as second hand as adoring natures simplicity? Where the world isn't demolished by the greedy hand of money? Where people don't see black, white, or brown as different colors but as the same color just different shades? Where hate does not exist, just misunderstandment? A world where the loin can lay down with the lamb without fear of being judged? One where money, race, or social standing doesn't matter just the feelings toward each other do? One where violence and war do not exist? A world like that is not known to people yet, but hopefully in time things will change for the better,then and only then will the difference between heaven and earth not be so substantial,and the difference between hell and earth a greater gap.

Hi Cyn, here as promised.

First things first, dividing this into stanza would really help rather then writing in a prose format. First of all easier to read, secondly more appealing to the eye. I'll do it for you just so you get the idea for how to divide it up (as well as point out any mistakes or problems):

Don't you ever wish for a different world?
One, that is different from the one you know?
One where things are of a different circumstance than what you know?
Where things are different, in some ways better,(space)or more manageable?
Where relationship(no apostrophe)s with people are better, or where the sting of humanity is non-existent?

Where the ache of cruelness is covered by the light of kindness and the warmth of love? One where caring for people is as second hand as adoring nature(apostrophe)s simplicity?
Where the world isn't demolished by the greedy hand of money?
Where people don't see black, white, or brown as different colors but as the same color just different shades?

Where hate does not exist, just misunderstandment(not a word)?
A world where the (lion) can lay down with the lamb without fear of being judged?
One where money, race, or social standing doesn't matter just the feelings toward each other do? One where violence and war do not exist?

A world like that is not known to people yet, but hopefully in time things will change for the better,(space) and only then will the difference between heaven and earth not be so substantial,(space)and the difference between hell and earth a greater gap.

So, the mistakes that appeared the most in here are ones that come from not going over your work at least once before you post. Reviewing your own work is really appreciated before you post if you expect the reviewer to make an effort to help you improve.

The biggest problem with this is that it's all questions and written in such a prose-like manner, I'm not sure it counts as a poem. All you are really doing is asking questions that are quite typical. My suggestion is, rather then turning your writing it a bunch of questions, take one of the those questions are give us the answer with interesting words and in particular ways.

Another quick tip, a thesaurus is any writer's best grammar friend. It spices up language and can take blunt cliche to being a little bit more interesting until you can create things that aren't generic.

I wish you all the best in your future writing endeavors, and welcome to YWS.

Kamas

okay thank you ill keep that in mind