Second, I liked the naturalness of it all, some of it did come off as kind of clunky, like you phrased it that way because in your head it sounded just right, but other than those few stumbles, it was a great peice.
I loved the flow of everything, very, very human. Everything had a kind of melancholy feel to it, like the characters were being weighed down by everything besides the previous events.
I'd expect morose voices or forced inflection in spoken narrative, if this were read aloud.
Anyways, this was good, content wise, and I have no expertise to go on about grammar so I'll leave it at that.
I need to read your other installments, lovin them so far!
Exe's and Oh's, Era.
A story's not a story till you've made it up you see.
Look Mexico.
No, it's not that you didn't succeed. You accomplished a lot, but, if you want to touch people, don't concentrate so much on rhyme and metre. Think more about what you want to say instead of how you're saying it. — LCDR Geordi La Forge
