Two Souls - Chapter 1

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Hiya everybody!

After a long time I'm going to finally post a chapter 1 to the prologue of Two Souls. This is a collaborative work, so do not be surprised , that chapter 1 is kind of long ^^

Just a reminder about the work, it's a collaborative work =) James Valentine is my writing, Diana Archer is a writing of LezaleanWitch.

Chapter 1


James Valentine

I can hear birds singing… Wait… That means it’s already morning! I literally jumped out of the bed, tagging bed cover with me. As I tried to stand up, the bed cover was in the way - I fell on all my four. “Bloody hell…” I couldn’t leave the bed cover lying around on the floor, you know! I somehow stood up and made the bed.... I sighed of course, is this how I should wake up in the morning? No!

Out of a blue I heard a movement in the room, I immediately turned around and guess what… There’s somebody sleeping on the bed! Roommate? I walked closer to take a look, filled with overwhelming interest. Fail, I couldn’t see him through the sheet, his head was under a pillow and he was kind of coiled up. Is he having some sort of a terrible dream? I’ll ask him later, I guess.

As I had no chance to talk with my roommate yet, unfortunately, I looked on my sport Swiss watches. They shew thirteen to six am… That’s darn early, it’s been some time when I stood up that early – well you know, I tend to lie in the bed fighting my laziness to stand up, shamefuly. There was no point in going back to the bed after such a morning shock, so I obediently went to wardrobe and grabbed a small box for fresh food – I had sandwiches with cheese and pesto in it prepared beforehand, hunger definitely makes you move. As I opened the box a smell of still fresh sandwiches tickled my nose, making me even more hungry… Breakfast time!

I walked in the room thinking while I was eating the sandwich. Umm, If I remember right, first lesson is at eight am… That means I’ve got plenty of time and that means… Oh right, scouting the forest! How could I forget? I stuffed one sandwich in my mouth, closed the box and put it in my bag. I was about to leave when I realized that I haven’t dressed the uniform and forgot hygiene rules… Shoot it! I turned around, grabbed school uniform, which thankfully was black – I like this color, and dressed it… Tie too of course. Once I was done I cleaned my teeth and washed my face. Now I can finally leave! I hope so…

I grabbed my bag again and rushed outside the dormitory. A pleasant smell of grass and flowers flew through the air, it was quiet and peaceful outside, nobody around. Not to waste any time admiring the feeling, I rushed to the forest and later ran even in the forest itself - I’m rather good in moving in nature after all the mountain hiking I’ve done *wide smile*.

Although, even that the forest in august looks seriously awesome, it somehow lacks the feeling of freedom… Yea of course, because of the school! Oh geez! What’s the time? My watches shew ten past seven am… Ehm, School opens at half past seven am and lesson starts at eight o’clock am. No choice but to hurry eh… I took earphones from my pocket, plugged jack in my PDA, turned on one song and rushed to the school – thankfully I’ve got a good orientation sense. I believe I got to school in matter of few minutes, to my surprise. Before showing up in the classroom, which I still do not know where is, I walked in the WC to refresh my sweaty face with cold water. Brrrr.

Alright now I feel better, I walked out of the WC and searched for my class – 1.E . Once I got in the classroom, which hasn’t any feel of being empty, I could feel a lot of eyes ‘scanning me’, which is pretty uncomfortable, really… I tried to focus on finding a desk. As usual, the front benches were the ones the least favorite, I firmly walked to the desk at windows in front. I could notice that class equipment isn’t actually new, but it’s been kept in good shape, means students didn’t damage it much… Strict? Oh well, let’s not think about that now.

I threw my school bag on the chair and I myself sat on the corner of the bench – because this way it feels more comfortable than to sit on the wooden chair. I looked at the rest of class.
I could notice that many of them already knew each other, so you get the picture, classroom divided into groups. Great… Well, never mind that. I’ll find out about everybody in a short matter of time. I was so busy thinking that one guy stopped near me, trying to catch his breathe without me noticing beforehand.
“You know, you could have woken me up. Why you left without me?”
… Ehm, I guess this is my roommate? He’s got light brown hair, brown eyes and sleepy face, he looked funny heh.
“I woke up way too early,” I shrugged my arms “Didn’t feel like waking you up.”
“Well thanks, but now we won’t be able to talk that much… Anyway, saw any pretty girls?” he turned around.
“There are a few. Just take a look and hear them out in the first lesson.” I laughed a bit. This guy didn’t seem like a bad person. As I was about to enjoy watching my roommate, a professor shew up… He looks kind of strict, that definitely means trouble… I sighed, I honestly hope we’ll have some good professors at other subjects, I don’t want to bore myself to death in school, you know. I had enough of it already.

A bell rang, I heard a loud sound at the doors, somebody was running. I looked behind myself and saw a girl with middle long auburn hair, messed up. A tough sleeper eh? Heh, she better wake up earlier next time, our professor would like it more, wouldn’t he?. I looked back at the professor to see his expression, as expected, it wasn’t one of the good ones. Nevermind that, back to bussiness. Now’s the time to find out a little bit about everybody in the class! I tried to sit comfortably on my chair and looked at the rest of a class, always looking carefully at a classmate, who had to stand up and tell something. I found out about my roommate that he’s called Joseph Tegan, he likes sports, more accurately sports including ball, then he mentioned hunting… Hunting… I’ve got that bad feeling he meant girls hunting, but oh well. I found out that in the class we’ve got some selfish people as well, I think I noticed two or three kind people and there were those energetic types, including my roommate and we’ve got somebody pretty hot-tempered, I wonder how class will get along with her, as long as the class won’t blow up with nuclear charge. At the end of the lesson, professor gave us our schedule and finished the lesson by saying to stand up. What follows is of course a horrible noise of people talking loudly and leaving the classroom, my ears…

“I’ll go check some things, catch you later!” said Joseph as he rushed out of the classroom. Well I guess I better leave too and do what I think I should do. I grabbed my bag and moved fast to the doors. As I passed the doors, I heard somebody saying something. Something about ‘ana’ and in a question voice something about ‘new here’… Man I really hear bad in all the noise. I turned around and saw two girls behind me… Who said that? “I do not know who said that” I shrugged my arms. I noticed that the girl to left got angry and said aloud : "It was me, dork-face. Do you have cloth-covered ears or what?".

Oh my, that’s the hot tempered girl, what should I do? I’ve got not mood to argue with her…I put on a smile. „Maybe I do. If I heard right, the answer will be that we're all new in this class, don't you think?" . I hope I got it right, I didn’t hear well the question and used my intuition. To hear her better anyway, I stepped closer. As a counter-reaction the girl stepped back and put on a pretty deadly look, thankfully I’m usualed enough for that look. It’s still creepy though. "Get the hell away from me, Valentine! Don't you bloody well dare to get any closer to me, or I'll - I'll..."
Oh my, she must have just snapped now, my ears hurt. I unconsciously shrugged my arms and said "I can't hear well in all the noise, but if that's what you want." I turned around a bit, laughed a bit to myself, because I finaly have the chance to leave, waved and hoped to finish this with „Bye!“.

"Why you little - !!!Someone needs to teach you a lesson, you spoiled little brat!" I could notice her trying to slap me… Gosh, what IS her problem? She ruins my mood, greatly. I hit her wrist with my palm, preventing her from slapping me. „I’m not the aggressive one here, Diana.“ I justified myself.
"No, but you're a spoiled little brat, Valentine! I tried to be nice, but you just have to throw it into the air, don't you?!".
I think she needs some lesson to cool down, now , really. "You wanted me to get the hell out of here, so I did."
"You really are an imbecile, Valen - ". I noticed one girl coming closer.
"That's enough!" that girl stood between us, shoving me away and gripping Diana's wrist in a dead-lock. "That's enough...from both of you.". I swear her voice is rather creepy… "Don't ever, ever do this again."
And who’s fault do you think it is?!?

"I'm not the aggressor here, don't tell me that." I lowered my hands, it seems the row will end, finally and unbelievably. That girl put on a cold smile, I can say it was really cold, ice…
"I don't really care. As far as I'm concerned, both of you, yes, even you, Diana. Are involved in this."
That’s enough for me, I do not want to be in this trouble anymore. "Do as you please."
I started walking away. I dislike complete silence and boredom, but it’s better than facing this, honestly. I mean it!

Now that I’m away from the classroom, I better should think what I should do now. Let’s see… I didn’t bring any food supplies for cooking, some sweets as snacks and… Hm, I could actually check out what they have in the department store anyway! I rushed to my room to change my clothes, this hell uniform will take me a hell long time to get usualed to, it’s so freaking annoying!

Once I changed my clothes to green shirt with dark blue loose jeans, I rushed out of the dormitory and to the closest bus station. I know there are maps of an area on every bus station, so I immeditately took a look when I arrived. Judging by the map, not that far away there should be a department store, two stations by underground train. Thankfully underground station was next to the bus station, so I used the advantage and got to the department store a few minutes later after pushing through all the crowd…

As I always did before, I visited first the shops like f.e. shops with adventurer equipment. Once I checked all the stuff they had on sale in the shop, I headed to the grocery – I need to get some stuff for cooking… There I picked some spaghetti, cheese, ham, salad and sweets of course! Can’t forget about them. However, when I was about to go to pay and leave the department store, I noticed a familiar person… Is it Diana? … Yes, looks like her, that color of hair is hard to miss. Should I try and see how she behaves out of the school? I wonder… I’m afraid of her temperament, but well, let’s give it a try! I walked closer.

"Cheers. Didn't expect to see you here to be honest." .
Diana furiously turned around… "Oh. You.".
I sighed, it looks that the result is obvious. "Same attitude eh?".
Her eyebrows were already twitching, uh oh, temperature increase critical.
"What do you mean, blowfish-head?".
"Are you this aggressive all the time?".
I was a little surprised though, judging by her clenching and unclenching hands, she was fighting her temper eh, so it seems she’s a litle litle bit calmer outside the school.
"You're annoying, Valentine."
"Then I do not know how not to be." Oh crap, I told it right away without thinking…
"Why don't you just pucker off and dunk yourself in some salty river, you stupid fish-head!"
SNAP!!!
„What was that sound?“. I realized it a bit later…Yeah, my intuition told me that she lost her temper, Warning! Boiling temperature maximum.Warning! As I was imagining her boiling, her hand, clenched into a fist, was meant to hit me for sure as she tried to punch me…

It’s obvious I do not want to be hit, so I redirected her punch with my left hand by pushing her punch to the side, then I pulled her and pushed right away… Oh my… That means she’s going to be extra boiling now, darn the reflexes!! Should’ve just dodged…. Anyway, I need some ice to cool her boiling.
"We're in a public place. Don't you feel ashamed?"
"Don't touch me!" she shrieked in an almost deafening tone, I could imagine right away just how many people turned to look at her.
"You filthy, little..."
That’s enough, this will become too troublesome if this goes on. I stepped to her and hit the back of her neck at the right point, she collapsed on the floor unconscious.
I could hear people talking with each other about what the hell I’ve done… Give me a break! A security guy came rushing to me.

„What’s happened? Is this your fault?!“
„This girl here boiled too much, her nerves snapped her unconscious.“ I shrugged my arms. „I know where she lives, but I can’t carry her all the way out of the grocery and to the taxi. Could you carry her to the exit? I’ll give you a money reward once I pay for the food.“
We ‚argued‘ a bit, in the end the security guy agreed and took her to the exit. I meanwhile payed for the food I picked. Then I walked to the exit too. The security guy was already waiting, probably trying to get back to his post as fast as possible. I called a taxi, which came in a matter of a minute and something. Security guy helped me to get her on the back seat, so I gave him enough money to buy ten bottles of milk and asked the taxi guy to take us to the dormitory… This girl is real trouble, having her in the same class is double trouble, especially when she wakes up… Well, if she remembers something, heh, I hope she doesn’t, I do not feel like fighting with her next day.

In a short time taxi got us to the dormitory, I payed the drive, somehow grabbed Diana on my back and held her both legs. This way it’s kind of easy to carry, especially when I have a bag from grocery in one of my hands… Now I seriously should hurry before she wakes up, or I’ll experience living hell… Hm, she should live at the girl’s dormitory I suppose… I gulped and walked to it, regretting already what I’m doing. I had her chip card already prepared in my pocket –I took it while we were in the taxi, so I opened the door and walked inside… Well, that’s great, but which number is her room?!? I didn’t have much time to think anyway, somebody stood at the corner and evilly smiled. It was a woman in her forties I think… Wait, Mrs.Gladstone?!? A memory of the guy warning me flashed in my mind… Oh hell, I seriously need some shield now.

„ Oh, what are we doing here, boy?“.
I gulped as I understood my situation.
„Carrying an unconscious classmate to her dormitory, is there a problem with that?“
„And if there were?“
„… You wouldn’t leave an unconscious girl from the school lying on the floor, would you?“
„What if I would?“
Who the hell is she? She feels too cold, I need a heater.
„You’re rather heartless then, Mrs. Gladstone.“
„What did you say?“
Extra trouble, now she’s getting upset and on top of that she is about to walk to me!
„I’m sure you heard it.“ I replied as I made one step back. She is … literally scary!
„I wonder what will vice-principal say on this… Shall I tell him that you raped her? Hm?“
…Somebody, help me!

„Oh what’s going on in here?“
I saw Mrs.Gladstone whip her head around. A girl from class who stopped the first argument between me and Diana must have said that… I’m sure… I think her name is Lina. "What do you want, Ms. Lerner?" Mrs.Gladstone sounded less upset now, does Lina have some kind of power or something?? But, thanks god… I’m saved… Maybe?
"I was merely completing my rounds."
"Rounds, you say?" Lina straightened herself and walked to us, in all the quietness everybody could hear her rhythmical heels clicking on the ground, creepy.
"Well, you needn't worry. Archer here passed out a while ago - I believe a signpost hit her particularly hard on the head - I asked Valentine here to help me carry her upstairs. I don't believe...he is needed here, any further?" Lina smiled pretty creepy now, just who the hell are those people?!?

„Alright.“ You better survive this Diana. I leaned her carefully against the wall and walked out of the dormitory, I do not want anything else with those two anymore, at least not right now! Now I need a heater! I rushed to my room, once I closed the door behind me I felt more comfortable and not so cold-affected… I’m glad it’s over for now, honestly... The rest of the evening was quite peaceful and pleasant thankfuly, I cooked a dinner with what I bought, my roommate arrived a bit later after I finished.
„What’s that smell?“
„Is this the first thing you tell when you enter?“ I wondered.
„Well… But really, what’s this smell? It feels like somebody cooked something.“
„True.“ I laughed. „Look at your desk next to the bed.“
„Oh wow! A real dinner!“ his eyes were sparkling. „Is this a work of some girl?“
„Now, I wonder if it is.“ I smiled.
„So is it or not?“
„What do you think?“
„Well, for it to be this good, it must be a girl’s doing, right?“
„Wrong.“
His face shew his shock. I laughed so hard.
„Anyway, how’s your hunt? Sniper rifle loaded?“
„Yeap, ready to shoot.“
„You better not miss your target, bullets are limited and expensive.“
„Don’t worry, I’m the master!“
„Yes master.“
And so it continued. We ate the dinner, exchanged some information regarding our class and what’s happened today. He was really hunting, but shot nobody so far… Oh well, he better not shoot the girl dead. I believe tomorrow is going to be a hard day and we agreed on that, so some time later we both went to sleep. P.S. He better not shoot somebody when I’m around.


Diana Archer

When I woke up next morning, it was to the sound of the melodious cacophony of talking people and the heavenly vision of bright sunlight filtering in through half-closed curtains. I pulled the bed sheets more tightly around myself, effectively caging myself into a cocoon where nothing can get in. Unfortunately, something could.

Prod. Prod prod.

"WHAT?!"

I threw the covers aside explosively, not liking my sleep interrupted, only to face flowing black hair, dark green eyes and a cold demeanor - the girl from yesterday. She smiled slightly before retreating from in front of what was obviously my shocked expression, and started to comb her hair with a brush that suspiciously looked like mine.

"What - where - why?"

She didn't respond and turned her back to me, opening one of the solid-blue wardrobes that stood recklessly against the green walls. I simply continued to open and close my mouth like an indentured goldfish, until she threw what looked to be a uniform at my face.

"Get up. Class starts in half an hour." She informed me cooly before picking up a bag - her own, this time - and marching out stiffly, her heels clicking oddly in a rhythmic fashion. And as I continued to open and close my mouth like a fish, not quite comprehending what on earth this scary girl was doing in my room, her last words click in my head like a clock that just begun to work after its wheels were jammed. Class. Starts. In. Half. An. Hour. Class starts in half an - class starts in half an hour?

Oh. My. Gawd.

What immediately follows of course, is a chaos of organization. Which is of course, speaking strictly, an oxymoron. I hate oxymorons, but well...it applied to this case. I some how managed to brush my teeth, eat a little of the breakfast that Mams had packed for my, pull on my uniform top, wear my skirt, fix my tie and tie my shoelaces. I didn't even have the time to fix my hair! I must've looked like a mess.

RIIIIING!

I instantly rushed out the doorway, barely making it with backpack and books intact. The last of the line got into the classroom just as I reached it in time, and even so the teacher looks at me with raised eyebrows. I hate the raised eyebrows. Why does everyone have to look at me like that?!

"Ms. Archer?"

I blinked, before realizing that I was still standing outside like a blubbering idiot. I (quite appropriately) blushed, before seating myself down on one of the empty spots. Across the classroom, my roommate (for I have realized that my worst nightmare has come true by now) was glaring intensely at the blackboard, almost as if she wanted to burn it off the face of the Earth. I gulped and looked away. Wo-ow. Now there's scary for you.

"Hello and welcome, class of 2010." The teacher began, an amiable smile plastered onto his stiff face. I could tell that it was faked - somehow, it seemed too forceful. "My name is John Oldman, and you will refer to me as Mr. Oldman." He looked severely around at the room as titters began - they instantly dissolved. "Since we're all new here, I'd like each of you to come up to the board and tell us a bit about yourself."

I gulped. I always hated this part about new schools - you were supposed to tell the others about yourself, and I'd always hated attention. I shrank into my chair as much as I could, hoping the teacher would forget I'd ever existed.

"Alderman, David."

A nerdy kid appeared in front of the board. After several stutters, spectacles-slipping and ten minutes later, he finally left the spotlight of attention, leaving me to hope there was someone before me, I didn't want to go on now, I really, really, really didn't -

"Archer, Diana."

My knees are shaking quite visibly as I stand up, the bench scrapping audibly as I attempted to move towards the board. Already, a few students were beginning to titter. "I - My name's Diana, as you all probably know, and...I - I used to live in Erlett, before I came here." I can feel perspiration rolling down my forehead. "I...I love to read, and to...to..."

"Guh." That annoying little voice in my head finally decides to speak up. "A simple speech and you can't make it through that. How lame is that, Di-di?"

"Oh, shut up." I tell the voice lamely, but by now the ten minutes are already over and everyone is busy giggling behind their hands. I feel like snapping at them all. Why the heck didn't anyone tell me about this?! Why - why - why?!

However, the teacher ushered me aside and I had to go back to the bench. Again, I've already made a rather dishonorable reputation of myself. Guh. First the stupid bag, then the...roommate, then...then...this! Gaaah!

"Ms...Archer?"

I stop mid-mental-rant to find everyone staring at me with raised eyebrows and pursed lips. Sheesh. Give a person some space, will you? The teacher shakes his head sadly and continues with the calling. Notably, the classroom is soon filled with stuttering knock-heads and sweet-talking dollies.

"Bagman, Olsson."

"Belmont, Kalilla."

"Edwards, Cameron."

So the list continues, right up until "Valentine, James" is called.

He was...in a word, different. Instead of shuffling uneasily like many others - myself included, he merely stood up and stepped calmly towards the board. The expression on his face was not nervous, timid or anxious - it was annoyed, which made it all the more interesting. He cleared his throat, in a manner of speaking, and began to speak.

"I'll make this short. I like mountain hiking, bicycling, and trekking. I also like to do CGI and absolutely have no trouble taking care of myself. Thank you very much."

I stared at him as he returned to the bench. Frankly, I don't know exactly why he interested me. Maybe it was the bored look. Maybe it was the fact that he didn't stutter. Whatever it was, I was resolved to talk to him, for some reason or another. And perhaps, let's just say my temper was off-key that day.

When the class bell finally rang, ending Mr. Oldman's lecture on schedules, I took the schedule he handed me and stood in front of the door, shifting uneasily. He was only a few minutes behind me, and as he passed, I steeled myself and greeted him.

"Hello, I'm Diana." I held out my hand, preparing for the best. "Are you new around here?"

The guy turned around, then glanced at me and another girl who was passing by. "I don't know who said that..."

I dropped the friendly hand and growled, my eyebrows twitching and temper flaring as I took in his attitude. No doubt, he was like one of THOSE boys, the ones with a 'cool' attitude and negative behavior. How I hated those types! "It was me, dork-face. Do you have cloth-covered ears or what?"

He smiled, acting just as cool as before. "Maybe I do." He looked up and down at me - frankly, I felt a little disgust. "If I heard right, the answer is that we're all new in this class, don't you think?" He stepped closer - a little too close for my liking. I stepped back as well. "I‘m James."

If looks could kill, my glare would probably have chopped him into pieces and dumped him into the nearby sea. But unfortunately, looks COULDN'T kill, and I was reduced to hissing at him in the most venomous tone I had.

"Get the hell away from me, Valentine. Don't you bloody get any nearer to me, or I'll - I'll!"

He shrugged lazily and put his hands in his pockets, making to turn his back on me. "I can't really hear well in all this noise, but I suppose if that's what you want...Bye!"

I think the taut string that was holding my temper together finally snapped at that moment, and I lost control of my temper, obviously. I moved forwards aggressively, making to slap him. "Why, you little - ! Someone needs to teach you a lesson, you spoiled little brat!"

As my hand almost reached his cheek, he quickly hit my wrist with his palm, blocking my slap. I glared at him, massaging my wrist - it had been too sudden. He coolly put his hands back in his pockets again. "I'm not the aggressive one here, Diana."

"No, but you're a spoiled little brat all the same, Valentine!" I shot back reflexively, my temper flaring again. "I tried to be nice, but you just have to throw it in my face, don't you?!"

I felt a little bit of savage satisfaction as he began to get a little angry as well. "You wanted me to get the hell out of here, so I did."

I growled at him - he was putting all the blame on me, the stupid little - ! "You really are an imbecile, Valen - !"

"That's enough!" Suddenly, someone shoved him away and gripped my wrist in a tight deadlock, making me whimper in pain as her nails dug deeply into my skin. It was my roommate - the dark-haired girl with the green eyes and creepy attitude. I probably didn't catch her name during the calling. "That's enough...from both of you. Don't ever, ever do this again."

I shuddered, listening to her voice. It was like an icy knife cutting through steel, so cold and relentless she sounded. Valentine lowered his hands, which were in a defensive stance, and straightened. "I'm not the aggressor here, don't tell me that."

"I really don't care." She shot a brittle, cold smile at him, one that sent shudders down my spine, and I mean it literally. "As far as I'm concerned, both of you, yes, even you, Diana." She emphasized my name and tightened her hold on my wrist. It was beginning to get extremely painful. "Are involved in this."

"Do as you please." Valentine started walking away, leading my roommate to slowly release her grip on my wrist. I quickly snatched my hand back, examining the mark her tight hold had made on my wrist. Then I looked around.

Students were surrounding me.

"What the hell are you looking at, you blubber-fish pack of idiots?!" I snapped at them. The nearest ones winced and started moving away. I wasn't quite spent though. "Get a life, you losers!"

My roommate merely pursed her lips and gave me a very levelled, pointed glare, to which I would shudder later in my life when I remembered that image. She turned her back on me and marched away, her heels clicking resoundingly against the floor, leaving me standing all alone in the lonely corridor.

All...alone.

I checked my watch, which already said 12.30 p.m. Damn, it was already lunch time, and I hadn't even started cooking yet! I hadn't even taken a shower, or set up my things for that matter. It...was going to be a long day. A very loooong day.

The room was empty when I arrived. Obviously, or perhaps apparently, my roommate was an outdoors person for most of the time, leaving me to manage for myself. Plushies, clothes, shoes and other random accessories were neatly stacked in the wardrobe, toiletries - with the exception of my comb, and cosmetics, of course - were shelved randomly, leaving me to deal with this junk of a bag. I kicked it under the bed. By this time, it was already 3.00. Already three p.m. Sheesh!

I fished out a loose sky-blue blouse and a dark, worn-out jeans, and threw them onto my bed in preparation for going out. After taking a shower, followed by the many things a girl has to do to look presentable, I finally stepped out.

By then, it was already 5.30 p.m.

Sometimes, I HATE being a girl.

The grocery was abuzz with a large crowd when I finally reached it. I hate crowds, mind you. I somehow managed to dislodge and take a lone cart from somewhere when someone suddenly bumps into me. After several apologies, some groveling and a stolen cart later, I was finally walking along one of the more solitary aisles, without a cart, since someone already took it. Heh.

I pause to stare at the pretty stationery displayed on the shelves when a very familiar and hated voice suddenly springs into my ears. "Cheers. Didn't expect to see you here, to be honest."

I violently twitched around, my foot flying and almost knocking said speaker over. My temper starts to flare as soon as I take note of said speaker - it was Valentine. "Oh. You."

He sighed perceptibly. I could almost imagine a roll of the eyes following that sigh. "Always the same attitude, eh Archer?"

My eyebrows started twitching - the thread of temper was beginning to strain. "What the heck do you mean, blowfish-head?!"

This time, he really DID roll his eyes. "Are you seriously this aggressive all the time? I just came over to apologize."

My hands started clenching and unclenching as I fought to keep my temper from snapping. "You're annoying, Valentine."

"Then, I'm afraid I don't know how not to be."

S---SNAP--!!!

"The sound of this, fish-head!" I finally lost it, letting him have the punch that was itching to be thrown at him. However, he redirected the punch with his left hand, pulling me by the hand only to push me back afterwards. "We're in a public place. Don't you feel ashamed?"

I saw red. "Don't touch me!" I'm sure my shriek was loud enough to deafen him, it was so loud I almost couldn't hear myself. "You filthy, little - !"

Suddenly, he made an abrupt movement towards me. I felt a sharp pain on the back of my neck.

Then all was dark.

...

...

...

When I woke up, it was to the sound of a ticking clock. Tick, tick, tick. Beside it was a sound that was almost familiar to me by now, heels clicking rhythmically with the tick, tick, tick. I opened my eyes to face the ceiling - I was in my own room. But wait - wasn't I at the grocery last?

"You're awake." The clicking stopped as a cold voice echoed around the silent room. It's so silent that the voice made me shudder to my very spine. "You were out for a while."

I pushed myself up from my lying position, only to be faced with the the vision of a pair of glowing, green eyes in the darkness. My breath caught in my throat as she moved from the darkness into the pale moonlight. She looked ghastly - almost as if she was some sort of otherworldly creature. I subconsciously gulped as she sat on her own bed.

"My name's Lina, Diana. Lina Lerner. No doubt you didn't catch my name during the roll call."

How did she know that? Her smile seemed a little less horrific now, a little more natural as she continued. "I know that, Diana, because I know a lot of things. Let's get acquainted, shall we?"

My last thought before I passed out from sheer fear and exhaustion was that I'm sharing a room with a monster from another world.
~Don't beg for things, do it yourself or else you'll never get anything~
-Formerly Shinda




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Well it is definietly a very long story, but still its really good. You explained everything well and I couldn't find any problems. PM me on the next one.
Good job!




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It was really good and detailed. However, there were a few grammar mistakes...unless you put them in there intentionally. Lol. Shew? I think show or showed? Usualed to? Maybe used to? Other than that I didn't find any problems. :) Keep up the writing. PM me when the next part comes out. :)
I'll watch the night turn light blue/But it's not the same w/o you/Because it takes 2 to whisper quietly/The silence isn't so bad/Till i look at my hands and feel sad/Cus the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly...
"Vanilla Twilight" by Owl City...




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I am REALLY sorry to have to say this but....

I got bored.

I know this sounds harsh, but after the first couple of paragraphs, I got too bored to finish it.
Love is much like a wild rose, beautiful and calm, but willing to draw blood in its defense.
~Mark Overby




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Hey this is good but confusing. It's the first day but he knows the girl Diana? I think what steered away Jaguar and me because I too got bored and didn't finish it was it was too detailed. All the description bored me alot. So I skipped it and got a face load of some girl who seems to be PMSing or just wacko and some other random girl. That's where I left off. I think that you should rewrite this and make it alot shorter because on this site writing 20 page chapters like J.K Rowling is going to deter alot of people from your story which seems to be really good! :) I think it's cool that your collaborating with someone else so yeah..if you do rewrite it or change it or something PM me.

~Jasmine Bells~
Peace, Love, Writing and Insanity
I am nothing
but a mouthful of 'sorry's, half-hearted
apologies that roll of my tongue, smoothquick, like 'r's
or maybe like pocket candy
that's just a bit too sweet.

~*~




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I did expect people to get bored over my scenario anyway, so no harsh feeling ^^ I'm still trying to get that "show more than tell" and "keep it interesting" in my hand and mind, I guess takes darn practice. I appreciate all the effort, thanks a lot ^^ Once I get the proper time, I'll sit to it and see if my mind has any good ideas at editing it again.

As about how he knows her name, that's quite easy = The students had to stand up and tell something about themselves, professor calls them by names, thus the MC in my scenario just remembered hearing the name f.e.

Cheers and thanks!
Kyousuke
~Don't beg for things, do it yourself or else you'll never get anything~
-Formerly Shinda




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A quick note-- I didn't find this boring, but I do thing this is way too long to be posted in one chunk.

Also, I've learned from painful experience not to start anything with a scene in which an MC is getting out of bed/getting up. Right away, the reader is bored, and you are forced to go through their whole morning routine in detail. So yeah, I'd start it in a different point in the story line.

You will also get more reviews if you do a quick grammar read-through. It is very annoying to be engrossed in a story, and then suddenly have a few incomplete or run-on sentences jar you out of the story. I also noticed a few spelling errors, but those can be easily fixed. :)

Hope this helps a little!

Canislupis




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Grammar? Darn, I checked it two times and found no mistakes... I guess my FCE level of English ain't enough yet >:0 . Thanks a lot for sharing your experience, I'll never start the day by MC waking up in the bed =D Or if that's the case, then make it pretty short. Thanks a lot ^^
~Don't beg for things, do it yourself or else you'll never get anything~
-Formerly Shinda



What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason, how infinite in faculty, in form and moving how express and admirable, in action how like an angel, in apprehension how like a god -- the beauty of the world, the paragon of animals!
— William Shakespeare