This story is heavy with dialogue. please rip this apart and tell me what you think. LancelotKnightly
Cath watched as Vallen paced vigorously back and forth around the room. “Tell me again how you lost my month’s earnings?” She froze at the question. A half- smile appeared on her face.
“W-well you see, there was this deal I heard about, while I was clearing tables at the tavern. I overheard a noble talking about a shipment coming in to port. The man he was talking to seemed interested so I kept listening.”
“He said that when the shipment comes in he was going to sell it real cheap like and if you bought now, you could sell it to the locals at a higher price to make a nice profit. When he was done, which took forever by the way I approached him and said I wanted in. It was a sure thing Val, well it seemed like it.”
“What exactly was the shipment?” “About that, I didn’t know until I opened the crates. I paid the man and he said that it could be delivered to our place. The next day the crates came and I took a peek….” “Well?” “They were southern fox furs.”
Vallen stopped pacing to stare at her pretty little face. “Fox furs!” She nodded and braced herself. “Dammit Cath didn’t you think of asking what it was you were buying, before you gave that shark my money?” “I’m really sorry!” “What am I going to do with six crates of furs? they don’t start selling till late fall.” “Can’t we sell them now?”
He muttered and oath under his breath. “No its summer no one wants to buy fur this time of year.” “I’m sorry Val, ill pay you back.” “Is that so, you still owe me for the iron you bought from the noble across town. You said that was a sure thing too!” “But you’ve been using that to make your swords.” “That’s not the point!! Just because you hear a deal that sounds sure doesn’t mean it actually is.”
Tears swelled in her eyes, just then it occurred to him that he’d been yelling at the girl. At sixteen Catherine was blessed by god with a voluptuous body. Her long blond hair reached her along her back. Her blue eyes haunted every man she encounter. To Vallen she was family, his little sister with a costly money problem.
Three years ago, while coming back from a job, he came across a group of tugs taking a little girl away, who was obviously trying to escape. He thought about just passing by. He didn’t need any more trouble after his client tried to kill him so that he didn’t have to pay the fee, though he got what he deserved, Vallen made sure of that.
He started to walk pasted them, when he over hear them talking about who was going to go first. He turned around, his face locked with the little girl who was crying silently. He stared for a moment entranced by her eyes. The eyes filled with fear and sorrow, the laughter of the men sent him back to reality.
Being a sucker for a pretty face he closed the distance, swiftly knocked out the man carrying the girl with a punch to the gut, while hit one man with his elbow in the face and another in jewels with is knee.
Whimpering the tugs struggled up and left with their tail between their legs. He freed the girl from her binds and ever since the two have been family. Thinking back it was around this time his wallet started to feel a bit empty.
Once again he watched tears fall down her face. I really am a sucker for a pretty face. “You hungry?” She nodded keeping her head low. “Let’s go to the tavern it’s on me.” Leaping towards him she embraced him tight. “I’m sorry.”
He smiled grateful to have her near, even if his wallet didn’t agree. As they started to leave she asked in a low tone, “what about the furs?” He stopped as the door swung half open. “You let me worry about that, but for now let’s get something to eat tm starving.”
I'm here to be your reveiwer today, so here goes!