http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ZseqXHLOwk
Even if your hands are shaking
and your faith is broken
even as the eyes are closing
do it with a heart wide open...wide...
Say what you need to say.
John Mayer, Say.
A tribute to the strongest person I know and love the most, my mother.
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The predator locks into the prey. Lock in, shoot, and make. Simple. In just one second of your entire so called life, as cliché as it sounds, your life could be destroyed into a million pieces like shattered mirror. It’s quite horrifying how easily the prey is killed, the predator with a smirk on it’s face glad to have finished it’s work. It enjoys every little part of the satisfaction of knowing it could hurt something without getting hurt itself. Watching the prey struggle, each breath it takes a shuddered never heard cry is like a delicacy for the predator. It licks up every last crumb, eager to have more.
I stand in front of the mirror, a naked body right in front of my two eyes. The marks all over, each one a harsh memory of that each spur of the moment it was done in. I stare at them for a long time, my mind clouded with nothing but the images of him. Despite the fact that the pictures in my mind are terrifying, I am not scared, how ironic. I look into the mirror, a face exactly one like mine looking back at me. I continue to gaze aimlessly at the person in front of me, how strange that person is. Her lips are set in a tight, closed line her eyes red with purple circles around them. Suddenly the person starts to do something strange, something I do not like. Wet tears drip down her cheeks, and she utters out a moan. I close my eyes and cover my ears with my hands, trying to block out the sound of her wailing. Strange enough that person does the same, yet she is still crying. It seems as if she wants to stop the noise, yet she cannot get herself to do so. For some seems like ages she finally does stop however. I open my eyes, and bring my arms back to my sides. I look up and see this person looking back. She looks so fragile, so weak, like prey. That’s when I realize something. That person in the mirror isn’t some stranger. It’s me.
“Ali, you need to tell me. Is Robert abusive?” The lady with the red hair asks me.
I stare at the fine lines on her face that easily tell me her age.
“No.” I reply.
Her eyes search my face for any sign of lying, for any weakness. I am not going to give it away though, most definitely not. I stare right back, until she finally looks away, uncomfortable. A silence hangs over out heads while she jots some things down onto a small notepad.
“Alright. Here’s my card. If you ever need any help, just ring me.” She says as she begins to get up, the chair beneath her making out a low croak. I nod as she places the card in my hand.
She turns around making her way towards the door, then suddenly stops. The lady turns around again, and walks over to me.
“You know Ali. When I was younger, a few years younger then how old you are right now, I had a boyfriend. I loved him to utter death. He was gorgeous, his eyes the color of the night sky. Dark yet sparkling. He, to me, was perfection. When he asked me on a date I felt like flying, and soon enough we became a ‘thing’. At first it was amazing, he would shower me with presents, compliments, warm kisses. Then something went wrong, and it was all down hill from then. My boyfriend, Hugh wasn’t very fond of my best friend, Matt. As a matter of fact Matt wasn’t either. Hugh was pretty okay about me being best friends with Matt, you know? Hanging out often, laughing at silly jokes. But then one day when Matt tried to hug me Hugh exploded. He got mad and said I was a two timing bitch. I tried to pacify him, and told Matt to leave. After much begging Huge forgave me and we continue our relationship. However, I never saw him as the same person ever again. The rage in his eyes, the anger in his voice, it was horrible. He would beat mercilessly till I was bleeding if I ever so much as set my eyes upon any other man. Eventually Matt found out, and he helped me. At first I told him that Hugh was a great guy, usually didn’t hit me unless I did something terribly wrong. But Matt knew me better then I knew myself, he could tell I was lying. He helped me, and today I am married to that young man who saved me from an abusive relationship. My point is that today I am much more happy then I ever was with Hugh. He went onto jail, getting into drugs and even a few murder cases. I was lying to myself the entire time I was with Hugh. I told myself he was perfect, that he would change and we’d be in love more than ever before. I was wrong, so wrong. I’m glad I had Matt there to help me, if not I doubt I’d even be alive today. Just to let you know.” She said all in one breath.
I was shocked, I simply nodded my head up and down stupidly as I watched her turn her back on me and leave.
That night Robert came home. Drunk. His voice was slurred, and his eyes blood shot red. He plomped onto the couch and shouted out my name. I hurried over to him and took off his shoes and socks, placing a plate of food in front of him. He took one bit and spat it out, then took the plate and smashed it against the wall.
“You call this food you lazy moron? This is horrible!” He screamed his face turning red. I tried to sweep up everything, but he kicked me and I fell onto my side screaming in pain.
“Shut up! Shut up! Or I’ll kill you!” He shouted suddenly a knife in his hand, now pressed against my neck. He dug it slightly inwards and I could feel blood coming out.
“No, please. Please.” I pleaded.
He laughed hysterically digging the knife even deeper.
“Stop!” I exclaimed, and grabbed hold of a cup and smashing it against his head.
The beer and blood knocked him out. I sat there shaking, tears rolling down my face. I cradled myself in my arms, rocking back and forth, back and forth all night.
When I woke up my head hurt, and Robert was still beside me unconscious. I thought. I thought for a long time until I knew what to do.
“Ali! Are you okay?” The lady ushered my in as I stood in front of her house. She was surprised to see me like this. Crusted, red blood on my face, ripped clothing, my hair a mess. She quickly regained herself though and sat me down in her living room.
“Mrs. Evan’s? I want to tell you something.” I said my voice shaky.
“Yes, dear?” She said as she rummaged in the first aid kit looking for some gauze and wipes.
“It’s about Robert. I-I want him out of my life. He abuses me, often. I want to divorce him. I want to stop the pain.” I said my breaths coming out uneven.
Mrs. Evan’s looked at me and then hugged me.
“It’s going to be alright.” She said as her arms wrapped around my body.
“Ali?” She said after a long silence, me still in her arms.
“Yeah?” I asked.
“I’m glad you said something. I’m glad you spoke out.” She whispered.
“Me too.” I replied back.
