A Pun For the Morrow

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Hello, my name is Teddy the Bear, and as I am new to this site, this is my first post.

Alright, I apologize for the lame title, but I was having a complete lapse in creativity.

_________________________

I thought I was young,
But life is a pun.
To be solved tomorrow,
Where there is no sorrow,
Before life is done.

_________________________

This "poem," as I am sure you have noted, was arranged in AABBA format.

All criticism is appreciated and thank you!
Last edited by TeddytheBear on Mon Feb 01, 2010 2:59 am, edited 3 times in total.




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GreaT! i loved the AABBAA format and the flow was even and...Flowy!
Many would say it should be longer but Personally i prefer shorter poems. the only thing i have to say is you should add some punctuation.
I, though I was young,
But life is a pun . OR ,(punctuation?)(Yes!)
To be solved tomorrow,
Where there is no sorrow,
Before life is done.


thats it! have fun and welcome to YWS!
and feel free to PM me with any questions! :)
Last edited by emoticon220 on Mon Feb 01, 2010 1:26 am, edited 1 time in total.
O thin men of Haddam,/Why do you imagine golden birds?/Do you not see how the blackbird/Walks around the feet/Of the women about you?
-Wallace Stevens




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Hi Teddybear! Welcome to YWS!

This was a very pretty poem, and I liked it alot. I did notice the format! However, in future poems, you probably shouldn't tell it to us. It is up for the reader to decide and interpret a poem or story in their own way.

I only had two nitpicks, and they both resided within the second line. A pun is a joke that has to do with a word that fits both a comical/slang and literal version of that word in a single sentence. So, how is life a pun? Maybe you could fit in a stanza describing what you mean. Secondly, don't add (punctuation?) like that. It's distracting and a reviewer could have easily pointed it out if you were wrong.

However, I liked the poem alot! Shoot me a PM if you ever post anything new.

All our dreams can come true — if we have the courage to pursue them.

-- Walt Disney




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Thank you for reviewing, emoticon220, and I appreciate your comments very much.

__________


Elinor Brynn, I am planning (tentatively) on writing a second stanza explaining why life is a pun, but that will probably take some time.

Also, thank you for notifying me about my punctuation sign, I will definitely delete that and I thank you very much for your kind post.



"She doesn't even go here!"
— Damian Leigh