Book: Nemesis Chapter 1 Edited

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Everyday I’ve been doing the same thing.
1.) Wake up, brush teeth, dress-up, eat breakfast, catch the bus to school
2.) Go to school, live through the day
3.) Come home and go to guitar lessons
4.) Do homework, wash, go to bed
My family is mixed up. My brother Greg is a popular Volleyball player in my school. Everyone knows him. He is really good at Volleyball, and he’s planning to join a College team. Greg can be very stressful, and horribly hilarious. For an 18 year old, he can be a little too selfish. He has a girlfriend, but he doesn’t really care, it’s all Volleyball.
Our family is getting a little split up. My dad went to Poland for business. He’s been there for 2 months. We thought he’d be home after 2 weeks, but no. Everyone is keeping him there; his boss has got “important” things for him to do. Some court business too. I don’t know what it is, but I miss him so much. Everyone misses him, without dad, the family keeps apart. We are just too sad to mention dad, we are worried of what’s about to happen.
I run downstairs to the living room. And I spot Ryan. I really don’t like it that he’s here. We were enemies ever since I first saw him.
“Hey Alex,” He says when he spots me
I just give him a disgusted face and walk toward the couch. Once I sit down I feel something, geewy. Like, really geewy and it smells really disgusting.
“What am I sitting on,” I ask angrily
He just starts cracking up holding his hand against his mouth.
“Ryan,” I get up off the couch and walk toward him
“I’m sorry, but, ha, sorry,” He continues his laugh
I slap my hand on my butt and pull it back by my face. It’s, um, poo. Really disgusting.
“Seriously? Ryan, poo?” I say
“Ha, it’s like last year’s cake and coke incident,” He reminds me
“No, let’s not bring that to thought,”
“Come on, it was priceless! You were the birthday girl, and got cake on your face and coke in your shower!” Ryan laughs
What happened on my birthday last year was tragic. I’ll explain. My party was at the beach in Florida. We went to Disney World, and we had to invite Ryan and his family. We were all partying on the beach by the Disney Castle. There were millions of people on the beach with Reggae music filling the warm sunny air. The food was laid out on 3 tables and I was sitting on a beach towel. Everyone else was swimming in the ocean or dancing to the music, chit-chatting as they went along. I was eating some Lay’s Barbecue potato chips with a glass of Cola on the table next to me. I was staring at the ocean when suddenly I felt someone standing behind me, so I turned around and spotted Ryan.
“What do you want?” I said
“Oh, nothing, just wanna give you your present,” He said
Him giving me a present? Yes, very surprising.
“Um, ok, let’s see it.”
He told me to close my eyes, than after 2 minutes he said I can open them.
I see a huge sign with a picture of me. It says “New Foreign girl! She doesn’t understand anything you say. But she recovered from blindness with a surgery she took in America! She was so happy about seeing again, she stayed, and it’s her first time seeing Disney! It was her dream to see Disney in America, but she doesn’t understand English…”
I only stared in shock and a crowd of people came by me. They asked “Where are you from?” very slowly, so I could understand (whatever). And I was crowded by photographers and Disney Characters asking questions, and saying “Hi!” that they are so happy they have such a great fan. I felt really bad; I was sweating like hell and was trying to explain the truth. It felt like a Tornado. People flying around me, because I’m the tornado. I got up off my chair and right away I got slapped by chesse cake on my head, and guess who it was. It was Ryan. My face was showing hate and my head had chesse cake falling down my face. The people took more pictures. I could hear Ryan laughing over the loudness of the crowd. I started to run away when I saw Ryan poor Coke on my head.
“You said you wanted a Coke Cake, and you got it,” Ryan said
I just stared at him and ran to my hotel room with people trailing me as I ran.
“Ryan that was really bad” I say back in reality
“So?” He says
I go to the bathroom pushing him as I leave. When I got in I took off my pants and put them into the laundry. I hate Ryan so much. I grab my sweat pants and put those on instead and run out of the bathroom with hate all over me.


“Alex, someone wants to talk to you on the phone,” Mom yells up the stairs
“K,” I answer the phone
“Hello?” I say
“Hey, um, Alex.” Ryan said
He called. Seriously, he’s been calling for some while. I’m telling you it’s weirder than a pig riding a horse with wings.
“Hi, what did you want?” I say
“I just wanted to ask if you could help me with my Dialog essay for English,” He says
“Oh, um sure, but what’s it about?”
“I have to write about a story of a girl falling in love with her best friend.”
“Okay, that’s good, I’m good at that.”
“So, when are you available?”
I have an empty schedule. It’s a Saturday, so I have nothing to do.
“Now.”
“Okay, then um, I’ll see you?” Ryan stutters
“Yup, bye!” I hang up and throw the phone on the floor.
I grab my purse and run down the stairs.
“Mom, I’m going to Ryan’s for a while.”
“Okay, bye, tell his parents I said hi.” Mom says staring into the TV.
I grab my bike from the garage and drive off to his house. It’s windy today. For a June day it seems that the weather is good for the month, In summer’s it is this hot in Illinois, at least 70 degrees Fahrenheit. His house is not so far from mine, only 2 blocks away. We go to the same school, but he’s just a year older. The heat burns me as I ride my bike. When I spot Ryan’s house I accelerate and park my bike on his driveway. I walk up to the door and ring. Ryan opens it.
Ryan is really loose today. He’s dressed in sweats and a “You Rule, You Rock!” Blue T-Shirt. His hair is long, straight, and light chocolate brown as always, but today they look like a bed head’s do. But his eyes are still the amazing color of sky blue. I’ve always loved his eyes because they always told a message, for example, if you embarrass him, you can see it in his eyes, they say “Please stop, I will kill you if you don’t!” seriously, they can send that intention. He scans me up to down and lets me in. We both walk up to his room.
“So, um, where do we start?” I ask
We sit at the desk and he grabs his laptop with Word open for us to start typing.
“Here are some papers that say what to write about, and I don’t know how to write it.” He says
“Oh, ok,” I read the sheets
When I finish reading them I notice they aren’t so hard. But to him and anyone else, they can be.
“Okay, the start should go like this. Why has this happened? Start typing,” I say
He taps on the keyboard as I dictate him the words. We both think of ideas for it and type it. It seems good so far. After an hour or so we finish editing and reading it over.
“Thanks Alex,” Ryan says
“No problem, I’m here when you need help,”
“Alex, are you okay, from when your dad left?” He says
No, no I’m not. My dad is stuck there for 3 months, it feels so un-normal.
“Yes,” I sniff
“No, you aren’t,” He hugs me
My dad has sent checks for the bills even though mom works. I’ve missed him so much. Without dad everything is harder. And sadder. But Ryan caring is good, at least someone is trying to comfort me other than my family, but it’s still odd. I don’t care anymore. I look up at his eyes and lean in to him and bam, I kiss him. I kiss my nemesis. He seems to care so much and my emotion filled me and controlled me. He doesn’t push me off, he kisses me back. Does he, um, like me? We continue kissing until Ryan’s bedroom door flies open. His younger sister spots us and yells “Mom, Ryan is kissing Alex!” But his mom just laughed and said “Very funny Jackie.”
But Jackie closes the door and lets us be alone. We keep on kissing even though it feels weird. I never expected this to come to me. After the feeling I pull away.
“Um, I’m sorry. I gotta go, bye!” I say and run downstairs
“My mom said hi Mrs. Keller, bye!” I say and hop on my bike heading home
This is so weird. Weird, weird, weird, weird. I push the pedals faster and faster. When I end up at home I park my bike into the garage and run inside the house. Ryan’s little sister Jackie can be the peeper kind. She will get into your business. Jackie lies a lot, so who could really believe her? No one. No wonder her own mom didn’t believe her, I hope this doesn’t spread. She likes to play Barbies and loves Hannah Montana. She has 5 million (well, not literally, it just seems that way) posters of her in her room! Whenever Jackie can get away with anything, she will do that, whenever she can lie, she lies. She’s an evil little girl, she may spill the kiss.
“Mom, Mrs. Keller says hi.” I say and run up stairs
“Hold on Alex, come down here.” Mom says
What did I do now? I walk down and sit right next to her.
“What,” I manage
“Mrs. Keller just called, I’m not sure if this is true, but she says Jackie saw you and Ryan kiss,”
“You know Jackie. We didn’t kiss.” I lie
“Are you sure, it looks like your lip gloss smeared on your chin,” She says
I check in the mirror, yup, it’s smeared. I wipe it with a tissue and go to the stairs.
“It was a complete accident, I kissed him because, uh, I missed dad so much and emotion over powered me.” I explain
“Mhm, I know you, you kissed him because you like him.” Mom says
I just run upstairs and run into my room shutting the door. Crap, Crap, Crap. What if he didn’t like it, then why would he kiss back? Gosh, what if it was a joke that he kissed back? AH!
The phone is ringing. It might be Lisa. So I answer it.
“Hello?” I say
“Alex, good I caught you.” Ryan said
Oh, no.
“Um, I’m really sorry I kissed you.” I apologize
“It’s okay, really, I wanted to kiss you.”
Wow, really?
“Um, really?” I asked with this really shocked tone
“Yeah, I know we are enemies but I really like you.” That is so not good.
“I, um, kind of gotta go because I have to set the table for lunch.” I was getting so stressed out; I didn’t want this to happen. I didn’t even like him! Maybe a little but 1.) I am so not ready 2.) He’s Ryan.
“Oh okay. But I have one question, are you busy tonight?” He asks
“No, my schedule’s empty.” I say
“Then maybe we can, um, go to my party, at my house.”
“You are having a party?”
“Yeah, loads of people are coming, you will know a lot of them, do you remember my best friend Tom? He’s gonna be there.”
“Uh, I don’t know Tom, but I’ll think about it.”
“Okay, then call me when you can.”
“Sure, gotta go, the table setting, duh, bye.”
“Bye,” I hang up
Ryan throwing a party that is a huge shock toward me and him inviting me? Come on, we are enemies, except for the kissing, uh, let’s forget about that! It never happened, we are enemies forever! But I might wanna meet this Tom guy.
“Hey A, can you drop me off to my game?” My brother Greg asks barging in
“You have your own car, so drive.” I say
“No I don’t, remember it’s in repair.”
“Oh, yeah, when is your game?”
“In an hour, so we better start driving.”
“Your school is close.”
“But I have to get ready.”
“Fine.”
I get up with my purse in hand and run downstairs with my car keys to my Mini Cooper S (color Red). I hop in with my brother in the passenger seat. I back out and drive all the way to the school. Thank God my car is automatic, I hate stick-shift even though I know how to drive stick-shift, it’s just harder than automatic, that’s why I like automatic, just drive and relax. On the way there all Greg could talk about was the way to actually play volleyball. It sounded like rocket science to me. But I was ignoring him, but when he thought I should say something I went “Uhuh” or “Okay” when it was a full on answer I answered. I only thought about Ryan though, the whole drive, Ryan. It’s odd that I hate him one second and the next I can’t stop thinking about him. Why am I thinking about Ryan?! It hasn’t passed my mind before. It was the kiss. God. Ryan is so annoying now. I don’t wanna think about him. Brain stop thinking about him! No, he does not have cute hair, no; he does not have beautiful eyes. STOP THIS INSTINT BRAIN! NOW! Finally, it stopped because my brother spoke up. Thank God for this brother.
“Thanks A, catch you later” He hops out and leaves
Why did he have to leave me, now I’m stuck with my stupid brain and the stupid Ryan deal? Come-On. Seriously!
I keep on staring at the road all alone in this Mini. I think its rush hour because of the rush.
“Come on!” I yell at the cars in front of me.
God, these people can really stress you at times like these. My phone rings and I answer it still staring at the loads of cars slowly passing me.
“Hello,” I answer
“Hi,” Ryan says
No, not Ryan, I do NOT wanna talk to him now when he just left my mind a minute ago from the traffic, it’s like the rush hour took it with them. Why is he nice now, just like, 2 hours ago he laughed at my poo stained butt. What is wrong with him?!
“What do you want? I’m kind of in a rush here, I am driving,” I say
“Sorry, it’s just that, come to my house, we gotta talk,”
“Okay, see ya,”
I hang up and try to squeeze through traffic heading toward Ryan’s house. It’s not as easy as it seems you know. Ryan for any case was an odd guy. He has never laid eyes on me when he wanted to hang out with me (never passed his mind). Whenever we were younger I would really not talk to him at all, unless it was “Nitwit” or something like that. He always pulled my hair, but when our siblings were around this they thought we liked each other. Sick. They said “Alex loves Ryan, and Ryan loves Alex, they are gonna get married and have 4 kids,” seriously after that I really did barf on Ryan. Lalalala, that’s all I could think about when I parked on the curb by Ryan’s house.
I hopped out and walked to the front door which automatically opened. Ryan came out.
“What did you want?” I say
“We need to talk in private, come with me.” He said and led me toward his backyard
We sat on the kiddy bench we used to sit on when we were kids. Our knees were touching, cause of the small bench. It was fine.
“So, what was the ‘we gotta talk’ about?” I say wiping my jeans
“A, the thing is that, um, I don’t know how to tell you,”
Then I keep my eyes on this cute guy walking out of Ryan’s house and toward the basketball hoop. He is so cute, and is with a Dundee Crown sweatshirt on.
His hair is short and black with brown dark lights. He has a great body structure, the muscles on his arms. I catch the color of his eyes; they are green, like hunter green.
“A, A, hey?” Ryan wakes me from my hypnotism
“What?” I say
“I was saying something and you completely ignored me!”
“Sorry, really I am so sorry, repeat and I will listen this time I promise,”
The cute guy walked toward us and my heart was pumping so fast.
“Ryan, who is this Blondie?”
He was talking about me, was he interested?
“Um, Alex this is Tom, Tom this is Alex”
His name is Tom, a nice Tom. Wait; is he the Tom guy Ryan was talking about? Id he is, I can’t believe Ryan had such cute friends, I should visit more often.
He shakes my hand and stares into my eyes with this bright smile of his. I smile right back and don’t take my eyes off of him. Tom, Tom, Tom. Hm, how about: Tom and Alex? T + A. Wow, I really didn’t know he had such beautiful eyes, they show such emotion.
He pulled his hand away, sadly.
“So, why is this lovely lady sitting here without a boyfriend?”
How does he know I am boyfriend-less? Well, maybe because I’m here and not with my boyfriend. Duh, stupid Alex.
“I just, um,” I lost my words
“She is dating me, she isn’t without a boyfriend.”
I opened my mouth and thought “What!?” but Tom stared awkwardly at him and after a second laughed.
“Very Funny, skater.”
Skater? Who was skater? Oh, Ryan’s nickname, weird.
“Ha-ha, funny Ryan,” I say awkwardly
“Yeah Skater, Alex, say do you want to come to Skater’s party with me tonight?”
Totally! With Tom, I would like, really be so happy to go. He seems cool.
“Yes, gladly,”
“Cool, see you Blondie”
He gave me a nickname. And asked me out. He is so straight forward, I really like it.
“So Ryan, what did you wanna tell me, because I’ve got to head home, I’ve got studying to do,”
“Uh, nothing”
“Okay then, bye” I say and leave
Tom winks at me as I leave and I wave at him. When I hop into my car I head straight home. It’s only 5 minutes. The road is getting darker from the sun getting shaded from the cloud. I wonder what Ryan was gonna tell me before the whole Tom thing. Ryan looked as if it were important. But oh well, he might end up telling me at the party or something. I sniff the air and smell something odd; it smells like fire mixed with cinnamon and Daisies. So I opened the window to make it go away, it was coming from the outside so I close the window.
The ride was nice tonight as I reached the house. I got out and locked the car as I waltzed inside. Mom was eating some food. Daisy, our Maltese was sleeping on the couch and I ran upstairs to choose an outfit for the party later with, Tom…

Hm, this is hard to choose. I don’t even know the theme. But it seems that this is perfect.
Attire: Black Panty Hose, denim rock mini skirt, Yellow long sleeve Aeropostale top, Denim vest, navy high boots. Jewelry: Black Peace sign long necklace, Integrity yellow bracelet.
Hair: Curly
Perfume: Britney Spears
That does seem good. I put it on in the bathroom and curl my hair. It takes about 5-25 minutes to curl it; my hair is long and very thick. My brother Greg must have come back from the game because he is knocking on the bathroom door.
“Alex! Can you hurry up in there? I’ve gotta get ready for a party at Ryan’s,” He yells
A party at Ryan’s? I am going to a party at Ryan’s. As I curl my hair I keep on thinking about how he got invited. Greg is more of a Jock; Ryan is more of an under-jock. I on the other hand just got invited by the cutest guy ever, so I just couldn’t say no.
“I am going too, so you better wait” I yell back
“I have to take a shower,”
“Then go into the parent’s huge bathroom, duh,”
“Fine,” He walks away to the bathroom
I keep on curling my hair and looking at myself. I did put on some make-up (I barley do though). It was only mascara, watermelon flavored lip gloss, blue eye shadow, and some light blush.
Last edited by Nike on Thu Feb 04, 2010 2:57 pm, edited 4 times in total.
"If I look like a monster,' he says roughly, 'then no one will be surprised when I do monstrous things." - A.B. Poranek




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Hello!

I read your story here, and it's a neat idea. I think you could do a lot more to this. You have a neat style (especially with the lists), and I can tell you enjoyed writing this. I have a couple ideas to help you improve this:

Pace

The reason I could tell you enjoyed writing this was because the pace was fast. It just kept going and going. My heart was racing at the end, half because it was tired of keeping up!

Take your time to describe the story. Talk about the people, the conflict, the setting. You can use description to slow a piece down. It's weird how that works. Description fixes pace and makes sense of the story, so it's a win-win concept!

Characters

Your MC has spunk. She's got some personality, so you did a great job with her!

Everyone else seems just another character plugged into the story though. One character that doesn't make sense to the reader is Ryan. You spent about a paragraph explaining that he and the MC hated each other. As the reader though, I don't believe it. Show me an instance or three when they openly hated each other and didn't get along. Then when Ryan starts being nice, it'll hit the reader with more shock.

Then Tom came out of no where. I thought the story was going to end with happily ever after until this random guy comes up. (Though, I must admit, I did like how you had her stare at him and not listen to Ryan. It felt like I wasn't listening to Ryan too. Very good!) I think if you alluded to him much sooner in the story, Tom wouldn't seem so random and I wouldn't hate him so much!

Mom(s) could be a bit mommier, I think. And the siblings could also have some more character. And the MC's Dad situation? Very random. Mention that earlier on as well. Make it part of the story, not a random fact.

Ryan and Tom are who I'm most concerned about since this love triangle is the main point of the story. Make them each their own individual. Give them some personality! It'll help with the plot much more.

----

That's all I have! Once you take care of those two things, you'll have a gem! If you have any questions, feel free to let me know. =)

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!
I make my own policies.




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Hi. :) I enjoyed reading your story.

The #FF0000 ">red letters are where I've fixed grammar/spelling, and the bold are my personal comments. You forget periods in several places - I've marked them in red.

#FF0000 ">Every day I’ve been doing the same thing, over and over again. "Over and over again" isn't necessary - you've already established that it's regular and hence repetitive.
1.) Wake up, brush teeth, dress-up, eat breakfast, catch the bus to school
2.) Go to school, live through the day
3.) Come home and go to guitar lessons
4.) Do homework, wash, go to bed I don't really like this. Stories should start off with an interesting scene that introduces the plot right away, not a description of the character's ordinary life. You can always put that in later.
Of course I eat, but I don’t need to include that. So why are you including it? ;) My #FF0000 ">nemesis, Ryan, is still pissing me off. All he does now is tease and mock me because I have no time to hang out with anyone because the ISAT’s are coming up, so I have to study. This sentence seems to go on and on, especially with two "becauses" in there.But the worst part is that he is a family friend, no one knows why we hate each other and the rest of the families love us. It is #FF0000 ">weird, come to think of it.

I'd put a paragraph here.My mom says stuff like this “Alex, I think Ryan is such a good guy for you, why do you hate him so much?” #FF0000 ">All I could do after that said is throw up, vomit all over Ryan. Last #FF0000 ">year he put peanut butter on the strings of my violin right before I had to play for the concert. When we were younger I always spilled milk on him because he pulled my hair all the time. And now all of a sudden, he’s the one with the girlfriends and everyone saying “He’s a good boy, nice manners, he’s going to be a great man,” COME ON! Phish posh, grow up and read between the lines! At least I am going to try to get a good grade on the ISAT’s.
The thing is that, I never had a boyfriend yet and it’s killing me. All of my friends have boyfriends (except for the guys of course). And I don’t. What’s wrong with me?
1.) I have dirty blond hair, long straight hair, with bangs
2.) Thin
3.) Interested in most boy stuff
4.) Am beautiful
5.) Play more than one instrument
6.) Am mature and childish at the same time How's that possible?
7.) Know 2 languages
8.) Am popular because of my volleyball playing brother
9.) Try hard in school
The list looks pretty good to me. Again, I think you need to stop describing things and use more dialogue and action.
What’s the most odd is that Ryan #FF0000 ">has beenbeing nice to me for the past 2 weeks. It’s so weird, like super weird. Ever since my dad went on business to Poland, Ryan has been sticking by me. He’s supporting me, the night he left I was crying in Ryan’s lap, and he let me. He started to care. Weird.
“Alex, someone wants to talk to you on the phone,” Mom yells up the #FF0000 ">stairs.“K,” I answer the phone
“Hello?” I #FF0000 ">say.
“Hey, um, Alex#FF0000 ">," Ryan #FF0000 ">said.
He called. Seriously, he’s been calling for some while. I’m telling you it’s weirder than a pig riding a horse with wings. Nice comparison. =D
“Hi, what #FF0000 ">do you want?” I say
“I just wanted to ask if you could help me with my Dialog essay for English,” #FF0000 ">he says.
“Oh, um sure, but what’s it about?”
“I have to write about a story of a girl falling in love with her best friend.”
“Okay, that’s good, I’m good at that.”
“So, when are you available?”
I have an empty schedule. It’s a Saturday, so I have nothing to do.
“Now.”
“Okay, then um, I’ll see you?” Ryan #FF0000 ">stutters.
“Yup, bye!” I hang up and throw the phone on the floor. Reckless . . . why would she do that?
I grab my purse and run down the stairs.
“Mom, I’m going to Ryan’s for a while.”
“Okay, bye, tell his parents I said hi#FF0000 ">," Mom #FF0000 ">says, staring #FF0000 ">at the TV.
I grab my bike from the garage and drive off to his house. It’s windy today. For a March day it seems #FF0000 ">too hot, it’s normally not this hot in Illinois. His house is not so far from mine, only 2 blocks away. We go to the same school, but he’s just a year older. The heat burns me as I ride my bike. When I spot Ryan’s house I accelerate and park my bike on his driveway. I walk up to the door and ring. Ryan opens it.
Ryan is really loose today. He’s dressed in sweats and a “You Rule, You Rock!” Blue T-Shirt. His hair is long, straight, and light chocolate brown as always, but today they look like a bed head’s do. But his eyes are still the amazing color of sky blue. I’ve always loved his eyes because they always told a message. What message is that?He scans me up to down and lets me in. We both walk up to his room.
“So, um, where do we start?” I #FF0000 ">ask.
We sit at the desk and he grabs his laptop with Word open for us to start typing.
“Here are some papers that say what to write about, and I don’t know how to write it.” He #FF0000 ">says.
“Oh, ok,” I read the #FF0000 ">sheets.
When I finish reading them I notice they aren’t so hard. But to him and anyone else, they can be.
“Okay, the start should go like this. Why has this happened? Start typing,” I say
He taps on the keyboard as I dictate him the words. We both think of ideas for it and type it. It seems good so far. After an hour or so we finish editing and reading it over.
“Thanks Alex,” Ryan says
“No problem, I’m here when you need help#FF0000 ">."
“Alex, are you okay, from when your dad left?” #FF0000 ">he says.
No, no I’m not. My dad is stuck there for 3 months, it feels so un-normal.
“Yes,” #FF0000 ">I sniff.
“No, you aren’t#FF0000 ">." He hugs #FF0000 ">me.
My dad has sent checks for the bills even though mom works. I’ve missed him so much. Without dad everything is harder. And sadder. But Ryan caring is good, at least someone is trying to comfort me other than my family, but it’s still odd. I don’t care anymore. I look up at his eyes and lean in to him and bam, I kiss him. I kiss my nemesis. He seems to care so much and my emotion filled me and controlled me. He doesn’t push me off, he kisses me back. Does he, um, like me? We continue kissing until Ryan’s bedroom door flies open. His younger sister spots us and yells “Mom, Ryan is kissing Alex!” But his mom just laughed and said “Very funny#FF0000 ">, Jackie.”
But Jackie closes the door and lets us be alone. We keep on kissing even though it feels weird. I never expected this to come to me. After the feeling I pull away.
“Um, I’m sorry. I gotta go, bye!” I say and run #FF0000 ">downstairs.
“My mom said hi Mrs. Keller, bye!” I say and hop on my bike heading #FF0000 ">home.
This is so weird. Weird, weird, weird, weird. I push the pedals faster and faster. When I end up at home I park my bike into the garage and run inside the house.
“Mom, Mrs. Keller says hi.” I say and run up #FF0000 ">stairs.“Hold on Alex, come down here.” Mom #FF0000 ">says.
What did I do now? I walk down and sit right next to her.
“What,” I #FF0000 ">manage.
“Mrs. Keller just called, I’m not sure if this is true, but she says Jackie saw you and Ryan #FF0000 ">kiss."
“You know Jackie. We didn’t kiss#FF0000 ">," I lie.
“Are you sure, it looks like your lip gloss smeared on your chin,” #FF0000 ">she says
I check in the mirror, yup, it’s smeared. I wipe it with a tissue and go to the stairs.
“It was a complete accident, I kissed him because, uh, I missed dad so much and emotion over powered me#FF0000 ">,” I explain
“Mhm, I know you, you kissed him because you like him#FF0000 ">," Mom says.
I just run upstairs and run into my room shutting the door. Crap, Crap, Crap. What if he didn’t like it, then why would he kiss back? Gosh, what if it was a joke that he kissed back? AH!
The phone is ringing. It might be Lisa. So I answer it.
“Hello?” I say
“Alex, good I caught you#FF0000 ">," Ryan says. You switched from past tense to present tense here. Oh, no.
“Um, I’m really sorry I kissed you#FF0000 ">," I apologize.“It’s okay, really, I wanted to kiss you.”
Wow, really?
“Um, really?” I asked with this really shocked #FF0000 ">tone.
“Yeah, I know we are enemies but I really like you.” That is so not good.
“I, um, kind of gotta go because I have to set the table for lunch.” I was getting so stressed out; I didn’t want this to happen. I didn’t even like him! Maybe a little but 1.) I am so not ready 2.) He’s Ryan.
“Oh okay. But I have one question, are you busy tonight?” he #FF0000 ">asks.
“No, my schedule’s empty#FF0000 ">,” I say.
“Then maybe we can, um, go out for some coffee.”
“Yeah, that would be okay, I just gotta see if that party isn’t tonight.”
“What party?”
“Uh, Sam is throwing a party at his place. It’s for his amazing D in science.”
“Oh, so can you like call me and tell me when you are available?”
“Sure, gotta go, the table setting, duh, bye.”
“Bye#FF0000 ">." I hang up.
Going for coffee with him won’t be so bad; it’s a friend thing, nothing more, nothing less. She's telling herself it's "just a friend thing" after she kissed him? And he kissed her back? But it’s odd that I accepted after he told me he, um, likes me…
“Hey A, can you drop me off to my game?” #FF0000 ">my brother Greg asks barging in.
“You have your own car, so drive#FF0000 ">," I say.
“No I don’t, remember it’s in repair.”
“Oh, yeah, when is your game?”
“In an hour, so we better start driving.”
“Your school is close.”
“But I have to get ready.”
“Fine.”
I get up with my purse in hand and run downstairs with my car keys to my Mini Cooper S (color Red). I hop in with my brother in the passenger seat. I back out and drive all the way to the school. Thank God my car is automatic, I hate stick-shift even though I know how to drive stick-shift, it’s just harder than automatic, that’s why I like automatic, just drive and relax. On the way there all Greg could talk about was the way to actually play volleyball. It sounded like rocket science to me. But I was ignoring him, but when he thought I should say something I went “Uhuh” or “Okay” but when it was a full on answer I answered. I only thought about Ryan though, the whole drive, Ryan. It’s odd that I hate him one second and the next I can’t stop thinking about him. Why am I thinking about Ryan?! It hasn’t passed my mind before. It was the kiss. God. Ryan is so annoying now. I don’t wanna think about him. Brain stop thinking about him! No, he does not have cute hair, no; he does not have beautiful eyes. STOP THIS #FF0000 ">INSTANT BRAIN! NOW! Finally, it stopped because my brother spoke up. Thank God for this brother.
“Thanks A, catch you later#FF0000 ">.” He hops out and #FF0000 ">leaves.
Why did he have to leave me, now I’m stuck with my stupid brain and the stupid Ryan deal? Come-On. Seriously!
I keep on staring at the road all alone in this Mini. I think its rush hour because of the rush.
“Come on!” I yell at the cars in front of me.
God, these people can really stress you at times like these. My phone rings and I answer it still staring at the loads of cars slowly passing me.
“Hello,” I #FF0000 ">answer.
“Hi,” Ryan #FF0000 ">says.
No, not Ryan, I do NOT wanna talk to him now when he just left my mind a minute ago from the traffic, it’s like the rush hour took it with them.
“What do you want? I’m kind of in a rush here, I am driving,” I #FF0000 ">beg.
“Sorry, it’s just that, come to my house, we gotta talk#FF0000 ">."
“Okay, see ya#FF0000 ">."
I hang up and try to squeeze through traffic heading toward Ryan’s house. It’s not as easy as it seems you know. Ryan for any case was an odd guy. He has never laid eyes on me when he wanted to hang out with me (never passed his mind). Whenever we were younger I would really not talk to him at all, unless it was “Nitwit” or something like that. He always pulled my hair, but when our siblings were around this they thought we liked each other. Sick. They said “Alex loves Ryan, and Ryan loves Alex, they are gonna get married and have 4 kids,” seriously after that I really did barf on Ryan. Lalalala, that’s all I could think about when I parked on the curb by Ryan’s house.
I hopped out and walked to the front door which automatically opened. Ryan came out and took me to the backyard. We sat on the kiddy bench we used to sit on when we were kids. Our knees were touching, cause of the small bench. It was fine.
“So, what was the ‘we gotta talk’ about?” I #FF0000 ">say, wiping my jeans.
“A, the thing is that, um, I don’t know how to tell you#FF0000 ">."
Then I keep my eyes on this cute guy walking out of Ryan’s house and toward the basketball hoop. He is so cute, and is with a Dundee Crown sweatshirt on.
His hair is short and black with brown dark lights. He has a great body structure, the muscles on his arms. I catch the color of his eyes; they are green, like hunter green.
“A, A, hey?” Ryan wakes me from my #FF0000 ">hypnotism.
“What?” I #FF0000 ">say.
“I was saying something and you completely ignored me!”
“Sorry, really I am so sorry, repeat and I will listen this time I promise#FF0000 ">."
The cute guy walked toward us and my heart was pumping so fast.
“Ryan, who is this Blondie?”
He was talking about me, was he interested?
“Um, Alex this is Tom, Tom this is Alex”
His name is Tom, a nice Tom.
He shakes my hand and stares into my eyes with this bright smile of his. I smile right back and don’t take my eyes off of him. Tom, Tom, Tom. Hm, how about: Tom and Alex? T + A. Wow, I really didn’t know he had such beautiful eyes, they show such emotion.
He pulled his hand away, sadly. You're introducing this character too fast . . . it's kind of jarring. I'm more interested in Ryan and Alex. “So, why is this lovely lady sitting here without a boyfriend?”
How does he know I am boyfriend-less? Well, maybe because I’m here and not with my boyfriend. Duh, stupid Alex.
“I just, um,” I lost my #FF0000 ">words.
“She is dating me, she isn’t without a boyfriend.”
I opened my mouth and thought “What!?” but Tom stared awkwardly at him and after a second laughed.
“Very #FF0000 ">funny, skater.”
Skater? Who was skater? Oh, Ryan’s nickname, weird.
“Ha-ha, funny Ryan,” I say #FF0000 ">awkwardly.
“Yeah Skater, Alex, say do you want to come to Skater’s party with me tonight?” He's having a party? You need to mention this earlier.
Totally! With Tom, I would like, really be so happy to go. He seems cool.
“Yes, gladly#FF0000 ">."
“Cool, see you Blondie#FF0000 ">."He gave me a nickname. And asked me out. He is so straight forward, I really like it.
“So Ryan, what did you wanna tell me, because I’ve got to head home, I’ve got studying to do#FF0000 ">."
“Uh, nothing#FF0000 ">."
“Okay then, bye” I say and #FF0000 ">leave.
Tom winks at me as I leave and I wave at him. When I hop into my car I head straight home. It’s only 5 minutes. The road is getting darker from the sun getting shaded from the cloud. I wonder what Ryan was gonna tell me before the whole Tom thing. Ryan looked as if it were important. But oh well, he might end up telling me at the party or something. I sniff the air and smell something odd; it smells like fire mixed with cinnamon and Daisies. So I opened the window to make it go away, it was coming from the outside so I close the window.
The ride was nice tonight as I reached the house. I got out and locked the car as I waltzed inside. Mom was eating some food. Daisy, our Maltese was sleeping on the couch and I ran upstairs to choose an outfit for the party later with, Tom…

Hm, this is hard to choose. I don’t even know the theme. But it seems that this is perfect.
Attire: Black Panty Hose, denim rock mini skirt, Yellow long sleeve Aeropostale top, Denim vest, navy high boots. Jewelry: Black Peace sign long necklace, Integrity yellow bracelet.
Hair: Curly
Perfume: Britney Spears
That does seem good. I put it on in the bathroom and curl my hair. It takes about 5-25 minutes to curl it; my hair is long and very thick. My brother Greg must have come back from the game because he is knocking on the bathroom door.
“Alex! Can you hurry up in there? I’ve gotta get ready for a party at Ryan’s,” #FF0000 ">he yells.
A party at Ryan’s? I am going to a party at Ryan’s. As I curl my hair I keep on thinking about how he got invited. Greg is more of a Jock; Ryan is more of an under-jock. I on the other hand just got invited by the cutest guy ever, so I just couldn’t say no.
“I am going too, so you better wait#FF0000 ">,” I yell back.“I have to take a shower#FF0000 ">."
“Then go into the parent’s huge bathroom, duh#FF0000 ">."
“Fine#FF0000 ">." He walks away to the #FF0000 ">bathroom.
I keep on curling my hair and looking at myself. I did put on some make-up (I barley do though). It was only mascara, watermelon flavored lip gloss, blue eye shadow, and some light blush.








Chapter 2

Tom picked me up to the party and we landed at Ryan’s house. It looks different from when I last was here because the people and the party feeling also the way it was decorated and the darkness from the night I guess. The music’s great and the snacks are delicious! We are all dancing but me. I am talking to Tom for a long time, he is so interesting, and cute, of course.
Tom’s Hobbies: Basketball, Singing, Reading, Hanging out.
Tom’s future goal: Become a famous singer (auditioning to American Idol)
Tom’s favorites: Color: Red Car: Fiat Singer: Scorpions Movies: The Hangover, Type of Music: Rock, Book: Pandora’s Clock John J. Nance Song: All the Right Moves One Republic Actor: Johnny Deep Actress: Miley Cyrus.
He is so great. We’ve been dancing before, but we sat down to talk about each other.
“So, um, would you…” Tom says getting cut off by #FF0000 ">Ryan.
Ryan does a dramatic move. It was sudden. Ryan came up to us, and pulled me up; next he pulled me close to him and kissed me. Just right there in the middle of everyone, he kissed me.
When he lets go, all I do is stare at him and run away. Leaving my purse, and coat behind I run home. Like Cinderella, except I have both shoes. I like this.
My heart was pumping fast and I took off my heels half way home (they were hurting me). I keep on running with thoughts in my mind. Why did Ryan kiss me in front of everyone?! I kissed him by #FF0000 ">accident, that’s the difference, duh. I said sorry. He kissed me in front of everyone unexpectedly. It was weird. But it will be okay, I guess. Just forget about it. Okay Alex, it’s out of your mind.
I reach to my house and run inside. My feet were bruised and bleeding, my hair was crazy (like a bed head’s do) and I looked like I had just seen Nick Jonas or something, shocked to hell.
“Alex, are you okay?” #FF0000 ">my mom said closing the door before #FF0000 ">me.
“No,” I say and run up stairs into the #FF0000 ">bathroom.
“Alex!” Mom #FF0000 ">yells.
I just stare into the mirror looking at myself, I’m still shocked. I check to see for zits to show that Ryan shouldn’t kiss me for that. I had two, but I still looked good, man, how can I make an excuse to get him away without the look. Hm, am I weird, no. Stop. Stop, Alex!
I keep on looking, I can’t help it. I cry and fall on the floor. Wiping my eyes I keep on crying pulling my clothes off and going under the shower. While making myself wet I wash. I feel like I’m washing the problem away, the memory away. It was a bad memory, Ryan kissing me.

I’m out of the bathroom sitting in my room looking at Tom’s text message wondering how to respond.
Tom: Hey, wat happened?! Why’d u run? And why’d u kiss Ryan?! Call me.
Maybe I should call him. It would be normal. But after that, I wanna just forget about it, maybe when I’ll forget the rest of the world will too. Hm, great idea. So I’ll just go to sleep and forget about it.

I’m at home, summer vacation, nothing to do. I should call Tom, but Ryan is over with his family, it’s a party at our house, family friends and family is over. I am in my room searching the web and ended up on Facebook. The problem is Tom found me on there and left me a post.
Tom Gregory Rouse: Hey Alex. U didn’t call back. Wat is up?!
I’m gonna faint soon. He is worried and thinks that I cheated on him in front of his face. Well, to be literal, Ryan kissed me. I did not kiss him. I am not replying ever. And I mean ever.
Ryan barges into my room without me knowing and he has been standing behind me for 2 minutes. Hello, privacy?! No. I turn around in my swivel car and look at him. I saw him when he came in, he’s wearing a normal outfit. Black short sleeve T-Shirt, Short Board Shorts, and brown flip-flops.
“Hey Ryan,” I say #FF0000 ">awkwardly.
“Alex, I can explain about the whole thing yesterday#FF0000 ">."
“Ryan, please, no, don’t say it.” I #FF0000 ">demand.
“Al#FF0000 ">." He’s the only one who calls me Al. My nickname from him, he wanted to torment me by calling me a guy’s name (Alex is a guy’s name, but not anymore, he-he).
“It was an accident, I shouldn’t have done it, I’m sorry#FF0000 ">."
“It’s okay anyway. I shouldn’t have kissed you before, it was an accident too, but it meant nothing, right? Nothing.”
“Yeah, it was nothing” He’s staring at #FF0000 ">me.“What?”
“Uh, nothin’ Tom’s here,”
“Uh, tell him, I’m not home.”
“Why? You guys are dating.”
“No we aren’t.”
“But I thought you were.”
“Oh, shut up! We are not dating. Now tell him that I’m not home or that I’m busy, okay? Can you do that for me please?”
“Okay,” He says and walks out of my room leaving me alone and my computer beeping.
It’s a chat from Facebook. Tom, what, he brought his computer or something, no, cell phone, iPhone or something. Uh.
Tom: Hi
Not replying. Never. I close my Dell laptop and run down the hall stopping Ryan dead in his tracks. He just stares at me.
“Al, there is someone behind you,” #FF0000 ">he says.
So, he wasn’t staring at me. I turn around and it’s Tom. I walk away toward Ryan and pull him down the stairs.
“What are you doing? Running away from your problems?”
“No! I would never do that! I just don’t wanna talk to Tom#FF0000 ">."
“That’s running away from your problems#FF0000 ">."“No it is not,”
“Whatever, what are you doing then?”
“I’m taking you to the basement, we are gonna watch a movie, I want nothing to do with Tom, and I’m bored.”
“Well, okay, I’m bored too so no problem#FF0000 ">."We end up in the basement laid down on the floor with two small bowls of popcorn and 2 large Cola’s. We are watching “Old Dogs” starring: John Travolta, Robin Williams, and Seth Green. A great comedy. I love them all.


*deep breath* Well, that's all. ^^ Jabs covered some of the more general stuff. Good job, and keep writing!

-Hawks-



i am neither a loose leaf nor do i like loose leafs. really, i am a piece of wide-ruled looseleaf paper.
— looseleaf