My corrections will be in red, and, where possible, I will underline the bit of your work I am referring to. Alrighty then!lonewolf wrote:Lone Wolf
Preface
Where the black sky touches the white snow I saw movement. A grey wolf. He pushes through the snow, watching me wearily. Harsh winds blow from the north, sculpting this frozen tundra. All life here is waiting, holding its breath for spring to come, for longer days that’s #FF0000 ">Even if you are referring to a 'thing' you use 'whose' instead of 'that's'. sunlight will coax forth new life. #FF0000 ">Interesting beginning. Not one you would usually call gripping, but it intrigues me. However I am not a good critiquer on openings because I don't find them particularly important. I will read a book even if it began with 'It was raining.'
This wolf is oblivious to its patience. Oblivious to the freezing snow that fails to penetrate his dense winter fur. Determination, resilience and stamina drives him forward, on and on through the snow. #FF0000 ">All those three words mean basically the same thing, so it clutters up the sentence. Replace with another word, one that doesn't mean exactly the same as the others.
I can see now that he is not as small as he seemed from a distance. This wolf stands as tall as a horse, his nose level with my forehead. He is but a meter away from me, watching me with those forever vigilant eyes. I am as frozen as the ground beneath me, but with fear not cold. I show none of this on my face or posture, I stand tall and keep my expression relaxed. #FF0000 ">I like this part. Very flowing and natural. It was a true pleasure to read, even though it wasn't much.
“Friend,” I call. For I am no enemy of nature. The wolf tilts his head back and howls. Wind throws the snow around in a tantrum and the wolf gets lost in its fury. His spine-tingling howl echo’s in my mind but the lone wolf is gone and with him I am lost. #FF0000 ">Do you mean 'without him'? Because with him doesn't make much sense.
I know at once that this is no dream, I had never felt more awake than now, more alert, more cold. But a wolf that size couldn’t be possible. There was nothing more impossible than the lone wolf. But I know he exists…. And on he pushes.
With nothing to lose, and so much to gain, he pushes onward.
Very good work, keep writing, and may the wind of imagination fill your sails. Cheerioh! 
lonewolf wrote:Lone Wolf
Preface
Where the black sky touches the white snow I #BF0000 ">(interesting, but I'm not sure if it's right in 1st person, perhaps revise this in 3rd person - or if you feel brave, have a go at risking 2nd person - but this is just a suggestion, it's upto you saw movement. #BF0000 ">I think you should start this line with "It was a grey wolf" instead of "A grey wolf" - A grey wolf. He pushes through the snow, watching me wearily #BF0000 ">I like this - it's a vivid portrayal. Harsh winds blow from the north, sculpting this frozen tundra. #BF0000 ">Good choice of language. All life here is waiting,#BF0000 "> - replace this comma with a full stop. #BF0000 ">Holding its breath for spring to come, for longer days #BF0000 ">so that#BF0000 ">'ssunlight will coax forth new life. #BF0000 ">Brilliant, vivid and gripping start.
This wolf is oblivious to its patience. #BF0000 ">I like how you've opened the new paragraph by coming back to the wolf. However, I feel this'll read better as "...its patience; oblivious to..." it increases the flow of my reading. If you're unsure about little grammar changes when editing, try reading your work aloud and listening to your voice, it helps to heal-up any jumpy narration. Oblivious to the freezing snow that fails to penetrate his dense winter fur. Determination, resilience and stamina drives him forward, on and on through the snow. #BF0000 ">This is fabulously well-written, very, very vivid portrayal. Your writing is more artistic than implicit but the way you've written this makes it work extremely well.
I can see now that he is not as small as he seemed from a distance. #BF0000 ">Good you’re introducing an implied atmosphere and setting. This wolf stands as tall as a horse, his nose level with my forehead. #BF0000 ">Interesting simile used in comparing the wolf to a horse, it makes it appear more gallant and paints this ‘personality’. He is but a meter away from me, watching me with those forever vigilant eyes. #BF0000 ">Lovely. I am as frozen as the ground beneath me, but with fear not cold #BF0000 ">(this flows well but you cannot really be “with cold” so I’d suggest chucking in a similar word instead, such as “but with fear not because of the cold.”). I show none of this on my face or posture, I stand tall and keep my expression relaxed. #BF0000 ">Interesting, we’re getting this slight sense of the narrator’s character and enjoy the mystery of him.
“Friend,” I call. For I am no enemy of nature #BF0000 ">(This is a fragment. Write it as: “Friend, I call; for I am no enemy of nature.”. The wolf tilts his head back and howls. Wind throws the snow around in a tantrum and the wolf gets lost in its fury. His spine-tingling howl echo’#BF0000 ">es in my mind but the lone wolf is gone and with#BF0000 ">out him I am lost.
I know at once that this is no dream, #BF0000 ">make this a full stop. Short, sharp sentences are effective. I had never felt more awake than now, more alert, more cold. But a wolf that size couldn’t be possible. There was nothing more impossible than the lone wolf. But I know he exists…. And on he pushes. #BF0000 ">I love this, very well done.
With nothing to lose, and so much to gain, he pushes onward. #BF0000 ">This is very well ended and I’m glad you put this final line in as I’m not sure it would’ve had the same significance without it.
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