Peace in Solitude

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LovelessSummer
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Wed Jan 20, 2010 2:09 am
LovelessSummer says... · Wed Jan 20, 2010 2:09 am
((Sorry. Had to edit this out. It was old anyway! Haha.))
Last edited by LovelessSummer on Sun Apr 18, 2010 8:49 am, edited 1 time in total.
LoVeLeSs I review short stories and novels.

Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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MorganJoJO
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Wed Jan 20, 2010 4:11 am
MorganJoJO says... · Wed Jan 20, 2010 4:11 am
This is really good! Just a few things I have comments on:
First,
The pain of loss love perhaps?
Do you mean lost love? If not, then I recommend some sort of break in between loss and love, like a hyphen or a semi-colon or even a period.
And, (sorry if I'm nit-picking) here:
It mustn't let it give up
do you mean I or it? If you mean it then take off the "let it."
You keep on switching from past tense to present tense. Either one is fine in my opinion, just stick to it. That's all for my nit-picking. :) It was very emotional and your vocabulary is excellent. I would love to read more of the same story (Or is it a short story?) so if you write more, feel free to PM me!
This rose has thorns.
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Jas
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Wed Jan 20, 2010 8:38 pm
Jas says... · Wed Jan 20, 2010 8:38 pm
I love this but at the end it should be either the sound of a baby or the sound of babies, you put the sound of a babies. I really really liked this! ") (side smile) Please Pm me when next chapter is up :)


~Jasmine Bells~
Peace, Love, Writing, Insanity and Chocolate
I am nothing
but a mouthful of 'sorry's, half-hearted
apologies that roll of my tongue, smoothquick, like 'r's
or maybe like pocket candy
that's just a bit too sweet.

~*~
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It’s not unorthodox, I thought it was beautiful.
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