Good Little Guy

Don’t tell me to
Get off my laptop yet
I’m learning poker on next doors
Internet connection
Because you couldn’t be assed
Enough to get your own freaking license

In sweats and your tee shirt
Four of a kind
Was always second best
Kinda like you
So don’t tell me to
So don’t tell me to

Ice cream and tea
Glad you understand
The procedure that follows
Let me trash your guitar
I hated when you played it, anyway.

And don’t try to bring me around
I’ll laugh it out
Smile bright
I’m not forgiven
So neither are you
I take my sorry back
You’re the good little guy
Stay that way
I won’t let you screw up
Just to be like us

Throw out your Reliant
You hated that colour anyway
You suck at lying
Stick your cigarette out
On the dashboard
Like you always wanted
But never did
Have your own opinion, kid.

I don’t drink Jack Daniels
Like I said I did
And those voices
In your head
Aren’t there for everybody
And you never understood them, anyway.

And don’t try to bring me around
I’ll laugh it out
Smile bright
I’m not forgiven
So neither are you
I take my sorry back
You’re the good little guy
Stay that way
I won’t let you screw up
Just to be like us

I changed my face book status
That’s the language you use?
I pretended for you
But don’t you change for me
I’ll have a piss up with my bottle of WKD
Because you wouldn’t
Know what that is, anyway.

You’re the good little guy
Stay that way
I won’t let you screw up
Just to be like us

Ella_Mercy wrote:Learning poker on the internet
Courier new

The second line confused me. What does that have to do with anything?

Ella_Mercy wrote:Get off my f***ing laptop yet
There’s a limit to this
I hold you to it

I would just spell out the 'bad word' and then just rate the song accordingly.
There's a limit to what?

Ella_Mercy wrote:Ice cream and tea
Glad you understand
The procedure that follows
Let me trash your guitar
I hated when you played it

These two things don't really go together for me. Your talking about ice cream and tea and then you want to trash someones guitar.
Glad you understand?
What procedure that follows?

Ella_Mercy wrote:And don’t try to bring me around
I’ll laugh it out
Smile bright
I’m not forgiven
So neither are you
I take my sorry back
You’re the good little guy
Stay that way
I won’t let you screw up
Just to be like us

I like the chorus.

Ella_Mercy wrote:Have your own opinion, kid.

I liked thins line.

Ella_Mercy wrote:I changed my face book status
You understand that language, don’t you?

Just to clarify, she changed her face book status to single and it's like 'understand what I meant by that', like she broke up with him?

Ella_Mercy wrote:I’ll have a p*ss up with my Bottle of WKD

Again, just spell out the word and rate the entire song accordingly.
What's a Bottle of WKD?

Rhyme/Rhythm:
I'm not super big on getting all rhymey-rhymey and following a set rhyme scheme, because songs don't have to rhyme. So, yeah. You didn't to rhymey-rhymey for me.
I thought the rhythm was pretty good. There were some times it kind of lost it for me, but all in all it wasn't too bad. I couldn't hear the song in my head, but if you can and it sounds awesome, then that's what matters.

Topic/Overall:
I liked the topic and that it was presented in kind of a new way. There were some parts I wasn't so clear on and I think I mentioned most of those.
Overall, I think it's a good start.

-Carly

Hi, Ella!

There were many details in this song that I liked. The overall impression left me a bit unfulfilled, though – I felt like there were several things that weren't explained or were just otherwise random. In songs that might work better, though, but I still like having that certain feeling of consistency when I'm listening to music.

This was still original and I liked it that you had your own way of looking at the older-than-time subject. You could've, however, either cut down on the details a little or then just make them connect more, so the song won't seem like a bunch of loose threads.

I would also be interested in what genre this song would belong to. Keep writing!


Demeter
x

Hey ella, nice song you've got here. I'm sure you've worked out some chords to this, I'd love to here it on the guitar sometime.

I did like this, especially the chorus and although the veruses where a little too indirect for my taste I liked the general theme of them. To me they seemed a little randomn, like all the things she's tired off, or the little memories of him and them together. I don't know, it was too vague for me to get a whole picture.

Learning poker on the internet
Courier new

Okay, two lines that don't seem to relate to eachother at all. No idea what courier new means....Just try to get some relation to eachother, or explain how they're related later on in the verse, in a sublte way of course.

In sweats and your shirt
Don’t tell me to
Get off my f***ing laptop yet
There’s a limit to this
I hold you to it

I get this, in a way. The last too lines are sort of saying she has a limit right? like...a limit to what she can take. You've got a lot of explaining about this to do when I get back to school.

Ice cream and tea
Glad you understand
The procedure that follows
Let me trash your guitar
I hated when you played it

I liked this, even tho again I don't fully understand it. It seemed to me like an argument almost. "The procedure that follows", her trashing his guitar cause she's mad.

And don’t try to bring me around
I’ll laugh it out
Smile bright
I’m not forgiven
So neither are you
I take my sorry back
You’re the good little guy
Stay that way
I won’t let you screw up
Just to be like us

Love it, so so much. Your whole song comes together in the chorus. Its like she's saying she's not good enough for him, so she's creating all these arguments to try to break them up, even tho she doesn't want to leave him. That's what I got anyway :]

Throw out your Reliant
You hated that colour anyway
You suck at lying
Stick your cigarette out
On the dashboard
Like you always wanted
But never did
Have your own opinion, kid.

This seemed like she was telling him to live a bit? I liked it. Took me a while to remember that Reliant was a car though..

I changed my face book status
You understand that language, don’t you?
I pretended for you
But don’t you change for me
I’ll have a p*ss up with my Bottle of WKD
Because you wouldn’t
Know what that is.

I think I get the facebook thing. She's tried telling him its over but the only means of communication he seems to understand is througha computer. Love the rest of it, especially the WKD, I laughed a bit when someone asked what that was.

You’re the good little guy
Stay that way
I won’t let you screw up
Just to be like us

[/quote]

I liked the way this ended. It didn't disapiont me then again I'll have to hear you sing this to properly judge it

Overall:

A lot of the verses I didn't fully understand but I don't think this is the kind of song you need to fully understand. The choruses are key in bringing this together, otherwise you would lose the listener pretty quickly. I would make some things a little clearer, the first few lines are something to change as they really didn't make any sense. Anyway, I'll tell you more when I actually hear it.

Love you ella,

Izzy

Hi

TU for the reviews..etc.

Just to clear a few things up:

Courier New is a gaming site incl. poker
Ice cream and Tea is what I eat after breakups
WKD is vodka. Google it.
Well done, Izzy. Robin Reliant is a car Really bad one too.

And overall, he's pretending. And that kinda sucks.

X