My Poems

Uncontrolled....
The most feared thing is the controlling mind of others.
The cost of life if you do not obey.
The scream for help swallowed by the darkness.
In three seconds your gone.
And no one comes to help.
Those who are controlled.
Are as good as those who are gone.
Controlling minds are the only thing holding you away.
When the bright light is shining and begging you.
A simple no will not help.
Only you can fight.
The dreams of truth are those rare dreams.
Coming true.
Take control.
Live your life.
Or be controlled.
The only thing faced would be the dream and the mind.
When the dream will always win...
Do not show signs.
Of giving that chance.
For it will be your last chance.
Of no turning around.
Tho, it is one thing that could be changed.
It is very rare.
Take your control.
And stop the controlling mind,
Before you are lost completely.



Forgiven...
No life is better then those who put themselves between.
When those are not forgiven.
When those are lost.
They show only signs of failure.
When those are the ones who win.
They do not show sadness in the fight.
They show passion.
They show light.
They brighten the path for those not allowed on.
To show that they are missing more then there own souls.
They are missing the forgiveness.
The light.
The love.
There trust.
They are being given a life.
Of sorriness and failure.
Of unforgiveness.
Lack of soul.
No more life.
No more light.
And no more forgiveness.


Passion....
Those with the passion for others.
Are the one with the better life.
With the living dreams.
With the freedom of the mind.
Tho, It is a free life it still is a cost.
Those who have passion.
Are those believing.
In everything, But mostly themselves.
When those who do not contain passion.
Are those left along side the loneliness.
Left alone.
No returning.
Life is dull.
Those who left passion.
Do not have the spirit.
Those with passion have.
Those with passion have a heart.
When those with none.
Follow there mind.



Spirit...
Those who do not.
Dream there lives are those who.
Live there dreams.
With a spirit.
Of Passion.
Burning intensely through there veins.
They cannot stop it.
They're soul has decided.
So has your spirit.
Those with no passion.
Are those with no spirit.
Are those that have no energy to say....
I love you...
But they have the energy to say...
I'm lonely...
The spirit shows.
When you walk in a heart.
Leaving you marks.
On your own heart.
And destroying what's tellin you not to...
You own your spirit...
Your soul...
And your heart...
Do not let them burn out...



You Heart...
The marks left from others.
Still remain.
From the break ups...
The deaths...
The fights...
The emotional scars still remain.
Nothing can remove them.
Nothing has tried.
And nothing ever will.
The ties between you...
And another...
Nothing can ever stop that.
The break ups leaving you...
Hanging...
On to that one last piece in your heart telling you...
Go for it..
Take him/her...Back.
Only you can stop yourself.
But the question is...
Are you ready to let go....?


Scars....
Scars...Physical...
Or Emotional...
Both leave the scars...
And the memories...
Of those painful days...
With the painful fights...
The thoughts that cannot be removed...
The dreams that keep coming back...
Of that day...
That those try to hide.
But they are not forgotten.
They are simply...
Erased..
From the top of the mind...
To the bottom..
Emotion scars are caused...
By the passion those received.
When others occur from the physical...
Abuse...
None of those...
Scars can be...
Erased...

Mod: No all-caps in title.

Way too many ellipses. Those are the '...' you repeat over and over. If you are going to use an ellipsis, then use it sparingly and rarely. Otherwise, it just becomes extremely annoying.

You also need to proof read your poems. There are a lot of grammatical mistakes you could easily catch with a read-over.

I like it! It's very emotional and I can feel what you are writing. It's very interesting and packs a lot of things in there without being annoying. Don't let the previous comment discourage you any. You're a writer! As I've been told, "Either people are gonna love it or hate it."

Keep writing and the good comments will keep coming your way.

Hey there!

Wow, this is long! Kind of off-putting for readers, you know. Maybe you could split it into seperate poems. They could each have something to say that's linked, but each be different in their own way, ergo they become a series of poems rather than one long one. Unless, of course, this is actually a load of poems you've just put together on one thread.

And, yeah, the ellipses are annoying. They become more frequent towards the end, which kind of sucks. Also, as Nate said, you have a lot of grammatical errors here. Why not run the whole thing through a good spellcheck, and then read it through yourself. That will hopefully get all of them.

~Amy

I really enjoy punctuation. It's one of the things that I really tend to focus on. It's a very powerful tool, and for the most part, there aren't too many rules for them in poetry. However, there's a rediculous amount of it in this piece. It's a great piece, and it's fun to see long pieces of poetry once in a while, but the "..."s and other periods end the sentence pretty abruptly. You could easily loosen it up, put in a few more commas or use some enjambment, which works well for pieces with one worded lines.