With You

I don’t know why, when my life’s on a low,
When failures all I have got to show,
When disappointments and fatigue are on the flow,
I find success, just by sitting with you,
Just by talking with you,
Just with you.

I don’t know why, when somebody beloved is gone,
When all happiness has been torn,
When there are no consolations to cling on,
I find solace, just by sitting with you,
Just by talking with you,
Just with you.

I don’t know why, when everybody’s hating me,
When darkness is all I can see,
When I am drowning in hatred’s sea,
I find love, just by sitting with you,
Just by talking with you,
Just with you.

*sigh of satisfaction*
That was gorgeous. Seriously. It warmed my heart. However, since I like it so much, I'm going to be more nitpicky than normal, so that it can be the best it can possibly be. So be warned!
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I don’t know why, when my life’s on a low,
When failure(apostrophe here!)s all I have got to show, (All "i've" got to show would let this line flow better.)
When disappointments and fatigue are on the flow, (I'd swap "disappointments" and "fatigue" around... not sure why, it just feels easier on the tongue.)
I find success, just by sitting with you,
Just by talking with you,
Just with you.

I don’t know why, when somebody beloved is gone, (I'd go for someone beloved, again for reasons of flow.)
When all happiness has been torn,
When there are no consolations to cling on, (This line doesn't make complete sense... try "for me to cling on.")
I find solace, just by sitting with you,
Just by talking with you,
Just with you.

I don’t know why, when everybody’s hating me, (Everyone, for reasons previously stated.)
When darkness is all I can see, (stick a "that" in bettween "all" and "I", so this line fits in better with the rhythm.)
When I am drowning in hatred’s sea,
I find love, just by sitting with you,
Just by talking with you,
Just with you.

Hmm... I promised extra nitpickyness, but don't seem to have found enough problems. Sorry 'bout that. But congratulations on your wonderful poem, and best of luck for the future.

Thanks for the reply. I am happy that you liked the poem. I willl try my best to make it better thanks to your suggesstions. Happy X'mas

*claps* VERY beautiful!
i find NOTHING wrong with this poem!!
keep writing!
and merry christmas/happy holidays

ozasatya wrote:I don’t know why, when everybody’s hating me,
When darkness is all I can see,
When I am drowning in hatred’s sea,
I find love, just by sitting with you,
Just by talking with you,
Just with you.

I really loved this poem. But like I critiqued in another poem of yours, you may want to rethink some of those extra words that seem to be stuffed in there. The poem sounds a lot better without them. THis, for example ^
could be

ozasatya wrote:I don’t know why,
when everybody’s hating me, a little redundant
When darkness is all I can see,
When I am drowning in hatred’s sea, says the same thing as that line^ so keep this one, nix that one.
I find love, sitting with you,
talking with you,
being with you.

okay, I just used thi stanza as an example because I'm terribly lazy But all of your poem could be tightened a little like this; and it makes for much stronger writing.