Lightening In The Common Room

Was that just lightening in the common room? KayDee said to me
I don't even know i thought in my head, should i capitalise this E??
I have an absolute hole burning in my knee, is this an metaphor or reality?
and did she? even mean? to question those previous sentences and is that an a deliberate mistake or done quite unintentionally?

who knows?

who...the (an inappropriately repugnant word which won’t block my page)...even cares?

actually

Hi!

Well, this is kind of weird, I have to say. I understand some of the lines, but then the first lines don't quite seem to fit with it. Maybe it's just me being silly in the morning. I'm not quite sure if you want a proper review on this, but I will anyway.

But the first thing that jumped out at me were your "I"s. You need to capitalize them! It's really distracting, not to mention grammatically incorrect!

who knows?

who...the (an inappropriately repugnant word which won’t block my page)...even cares?

actually

Well, if you aren't going to say the word then there's really no point even putting the "(an inappropriately repugnant word which won't block my page)" in there, is there? It doesn't really add to the poem.

I'm still not quite sure where you wanted to go with this. It all feels like broken pieces of different things you wanted to say put together; this can sound good but at the moment it sounds fragmented and disjointed.

Good luck!

~Amy

Wow i must say i did not enjoy the poem at all if its a poem, your puntuations were too much and misplaced. The idea of the "poem" was blunt and the gramatical errors were to much that i cannot analyse them one after the other. Alot of work has to be done to this "poem" to make it a poem.

so basically the grammaical errors were the point of the poem...who really cares if something is capitalised or there is a random piece of punctuation which is just sitting anywhere. i find this constant scrutiny of those who have no real influence on anything quite humorous. but hey i guess it was a diffecult point to grasp...kind of

I have to say this is one of the more clever poems i've seen on this forum. I'm a little surprised at the obtuseness of the previous reviewers. I especially like the second line.

I do have a little problem with this line:

"who...the (an inappropriately repugnant word which won’t block my page)...even cares?"

the parenthetical statement seems a little, well what do I mean, purile? I don't mean that meanly, it just seems like an oddly sanctimonious note in a poem that is otherwise witty and successful at thumbing it's nose at convention. Also, I think perhaps you meant 'blight' rather than 'block'? I could be wrong. (And, to be totally honest, if it were me, I'd have said "an unnecessarily vulgar..." instead, but that's just me.)

All in all though, both clever and interesting, when I read it made me smile. very good job.

LOL! Clever way to satirize it all... I find it especially humorous that your reviewers generally didn't catch the satire.

My main problem was this:

(an inappropriately repugnant word which won’t block my page)

It was a bit too obvious for my tastes... I would have rather you just used another word. That way, that line doesn't overpower the satire too much.

This gets a star!