Keeper: [8] -

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Hey Pink,

I'm still reading, I just hadn't seen that chapter 7 and 8 are out.

So, yeah, I read it and I have no nitpicks. The story is interesting and I can't wait to see where it goes..Will you PM for the next?

Tanya

omg i love these stories they are soooo amazing keep writing!!!!!

Once Lia returned to Dorm eighty-four, Zack had replaced Levi and there were two other students there along with Alex and Katherine.

Okay. I have two issues with this sentence. One, why is dorm capitalized? If you want it to seem sarcastic that its like whoa fake big deal, then I'd capitalize eight-four as well. Otherwise, fix that. Two, you used 'there' twice and it sounded a bit awkward. I wouldn't say that Zack replaced Levi, it sounds more like he literally took his place, but technically, no. ..., she noticed that Zack was sitting on the couch with his arm draped along the back of the cushion behind Katherine where Levi usually sat. It took a second for Lia to take that picture in and she then she noticed the two other students sitting around Alex. Okay. Horrible example, but you see how I tried, and failed, to break it up and not try to bundle all the information into one sentence?

“Please don’t be mad”

You forgot the period here.

“What!”

I hate doing this in my own writing because it looks ridiculous, but there should be a question mark here too. like What?! or is it !? I don't remember.

we’re going to Irailn to meet with the Elf Queen

This made me laugh a little. Elf Queen? Obviously Lia would have some sarcastic remark about that? Please?

Ahh! Okay. This is was soooo exciting. Kinda sad it was so short. But I like the relationships that Lia is building with Levi and Katherina. I really would love to see where they end up as a group. Testing their trust and all that.
Good Job with this.
Can't wait to read more.

-Jayleigh

Thanks guys!
Jayleigh- thanks for pointing that out, I didn't even recognize I left out a period and capitalized dorm.
I tried to add a sarcastic remark but I couldn't exactly think of one so I just put a place holder for now and I might go back and change that later.
Thanks again,

~Pink