Butterfly

4 posts
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I remember a time
long ago
when you had hurt me
and down I go...

You broke my heart,
and I thought I was gone,
I have since recovered,
turns out, I won!

I wanted you,
wished you wanted me,
you loved her,
and I let you be...

I see your hapiness,
even if she hurt you,
I am a new person,
I hope she is too...

If she hurts you,
I don't know if I'd be there,
so for your sake,
I hope she now cares.

Since that day,
I feel new...
Like a newly born butterfly
I since flew...

I wish to see new things,
To view what seems,
impossible to others,
and see what it means.
The road is full of many bumps and mounds; it's up to the strength of our heart and soul to be able to overcome them.




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Points 12611
Reviews 321
I really like this, it is very deep. I think I like it so much because I can relate to this right now. I am in the same situation and I am sorry you had to deal with this.
My reality comes to a close as I once again realize that you don't love me, and even if I love you with my everything you will never care.





Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 9682
Reviews 156
Wow.

I like that it starts out sad, but turns to peaceful. That's not something I've seen very often.

twilight tiger wrote:I remember a time
long ago
when you had hurt me
and down I go...

I see why the verb tense changes, but I think you can use the correct tense and still keep the flow.
when you would hurt me
and down I'd go...


You broke my heart,
and I thought I was gone,
I have since recovered,
turns out, I won!

This doesn't quite rhyme. "Gone" should be "done."

I only found these two small problems. Congrats!

--McMourning
"One voice can be stronger than a thousand voices, " Captain Kathryn Janeway




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Points 1355
Reviews 28
If I may correct McMourning on that last part of their post; the rhyming of "gone" and "done" is a visual rhyming, such as 'grown' and 'gown'. It sometimes throws off the rhythm of the poem, but as I've seen in many poems by famous poets, that's a common trend.

To Miss twilight tiger, this is another wonderful poem! The flow of it is great, and I commend you on a successful use of visual rhyming skills, it didn't harm the flow of the poem at all! I absolutely love your poems! They're amazing!
Llama 1:"Shh! Do you hear that? That's the sound of forgiveness."
Llama 2:"That's the sound of people drowning, Carl!"
Llama 1:"That is what forgiveness sounds like; screaming and then silence."



As my artist’s statement explains, my work is utterly incomprehensible and is therefore full of deep significance.
— Calvin