The Diner

4 posts
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Gender None specified
Points 1330
Reviews 57
It’s the buzz of a light on the verge of burning out,
struggling against an always-late electric bill and
ten years of neglect.
It’s the sticky sweet feel of grease smothering
sweat-stained skin,
and the reek of future heart attacks topped with
“Extra cheese, please,”
alongside,
“One egg, fried.”
It’s the train-track marks that burrow beneath long sleeves,
branding “This is unhappiness,”
into pale forearms that strain overtop a skillet
for six hours and
six soiled needles.
It’s the noxious smell of mop water that
needs changing and
Jim Beam breath.
It’s 8 A.M.
It’s the faint smile that buries bad hangovers
beneath parched throats,
threatening to expose last night’s one night stand
in an array of colors.
It’s ripped booth cushions and crumb coated floors,
waitresses whose half-painted toenails peak out from
beneath tattered jeans.
It’s the cha-ching of a cash register circa 1982
and the feel of dirty money greeting
dirtier hands.
It’s the satisfaction gained from an omelet
that induces Diarrhea.
It’s the sound of a language you can’t understand
and a
“Do you have the ice bucket?”
repeated ten times slow to no avail.
It’s trying to think of a gesture that means,
“Ice bucket.”
Fuck it.
<3 Lindsey




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Gender Female
Points 11260
Reviews 113
Hello! Call me Freak :D

Now, I am not trying to be mean, but this was kind of boring. Personally it didn't grab my attention once I started reading, which is what a piece of writing is supposed to do.

waitresses whose half-painted toenails peak out from beneath tattered jeans.

Technically I don't get how toenails can peak out from jeans, because really pants don't cover peoples toes, maybe instead you could put sandals or opened-toed shoes?

Anyway, without all those small things, you did a really good job making it flow but remember to make your pieces more interesting! :lol: Good job, keep chillin' like you do!
Write on.




Random avatar
Gender None specified
Points 1370
Reviews 1
Personally, I loved this. I could see everything you were describing, and I loved the adjetives you used. Though I agree with Freak on the toenails thing, I think the rest of it was nicely written. ;3




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Gender None specified
Points 1330
Reviews 57
Thanks for the comments and suggestions. = )
<3 Lindsey



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