Hello World

Earlier this morning I escaped; it’s September nine,
I am one week late, but arrived on my own time.
Seriously, my mom is crying. Look at her!
And what the heck, where’s my frankincense and myrrh?

I am my own boss, or so they always say,
I can’t help it; I just have to do it my own way.
The terrible twos, you can bet I’m living up to that label
“She has the cutest dimples, that little Taylor Beth Crabill.”

So now I’m in preschool and I’ve met my first crush,
Anytime he comes around, no doubt I will blush.
I am a big girl now, look I can write my own name,
For anything I do wrong, my big sis takes the blame.

Time for Kindergarten and brand new friends,
Disney character backpacks and all these super cool trends.
Recess is arguably the grandest thirty minutes on earth,
Lemon drops and popsicles are the best things since birth!

I’m a first grader now; heck yeah I know my ABCs,
Think I can’t count to a hundred without my fingers? Oh, puh-lease.
Sometimes we call the boys names and they start to cry,
“I know you are, but what am I?”

The very first day of my second grade career,
We’re gonna learn math facts? Um, I might shed a tear.
Taylor, what are you going to be when you get older?
“Are you serious? Duh, a candy store worker.”

It’s the last day of summer; tomorrow I start third grade,
I’m getting so darn old, the blonde in my hair is starting to fade.
There’s a fear within me, I’ve heard my new teacher is kinda mean,
I wonder what she’ll be like, is she as bad as she seems?

In fourth grade I no longer believe in Santa Claus,
But okay, I’ll admit it, I still watch The Wizard of Oz.
The boy’s name is Taylor Hanson, I know he was sent from above,
He mmmbopped his way into my heart and I am openly in love.

As a fifth grader, my mom has stopped fixing my hair,
Instead of Old Maid and Go Fish, it’s Spin the Bottle and Truth or Dare.
My class just learned the words of the U.S. Constitution,
And, uh, we really don’t care about the American Revolution.

Finally, I have my first encounter with Junior High,
The girls all talk crap and the boys all tell lies.
I can’t believe I’m doing this, I’m taking a big chance
I’m just going to do it, I’m asking him to dance.

I guess you can get busted in seventh grade for writing a note,
I found out today when my teacher threatened to read what I wrote.
Our basketball team isn’t great, but we each try to play our part,
I wear eyeliner and lipstick and Leo DiCaprio owns my heart.

My first day as a freshman, I’ll go to school across town,
And I’m all smiles today. Not nervous. No frown.
Can you believe it? This weekend there’s already a party,
The best time of my life is just getting started!

I cut my long blonde hair; now it’s shoulder-length and dark,
I’m a sophomore and it’s time for my love life to spark.
So there’s this boy I like and with him everything’s brand new,
And ohmygod, my mom will kill me if I fail Algebra 2.

There is time for nothing but him and my job,
And prom arrives before I can finish my last thought.
My friends are leaving; goodbye class of oh-five,
Now it’s time for summer; I’m hearing my favorite band live!

I am applying for scholarships and filling out forms,
Do I want an apartment or should I live in the dorms?
In a few months I’ll move, I’ll be gone with the wind,
My life as a high schooler is quickly coming to an end.

I write from the lower bunk, my best friend is above me,
It’s our first semester of college, and we cannot wait to leave.
I really just wish I could go home and I think I might bawl.
This place isn’t what I imagined, it’s not what I expected at all.

This is more like it, I decided to transfer for Fort Hays,
It’s entirely too much fun when the nights turn into days.
I know I’ll pay for it later, but at the moment who cares?
I’ll be better when I’m older; trust me, I swear.

It’s tough to adjust moving back in with your parents,
If only I had listened, used a little common sense.
But I’ve learned from my past, or so I would like to believe,
I am finally certain of so much I can’t wait to achieve.

Today someone asked me what card I’ll draw next,
And I stood there not knowing, not even a guess.
So as for my future, who knows what’s in store?
But I can promise you this, I’ll find what I’m looking for.

Hey there!

Wow, so this is a pretty long poem! But it's kind of cute nonetheless. I'll just go through some nitpicks that I have.

Earlier this morning I escaped; it’s September nine,
I am one week late, but arrived on my own time.
Seriously, my mom is crying. Look at her!
And what the heck, where’s my frankincense and myrrh?

Alrighty then. Saying "September nine" is kind of confusing. I understand that you're referring to the beginning of school but I feel that you could show this in a slightly clearer light. In addition, the mention of frankincense and myrrh totally threw me off. It doesn't seem related to the subject at hand at all! Sorry if I'm missing out on something and they actually do have a relevance, but I can't see it at the moment.

Time for Kindergarten and brand new friends,
Disney character backpacks and all these super cool trends.
Recess is arguably the grandest thirty minutes on earth,
Lemon drops and popsicles are the best things since birth!

I would consider using a period after friends instead of a comma. Also, I don't think that using the word birth is great here. It feels like too much of a forced rhyme which breaks the flow of your poem.

I’m a first grader now; heck yeah I know my ABCs,
Think I can’t count to a hundred without my fingers? Oh, puh-lease.
Sometimes we call the boys names and they start to cry,
“I know you are, but what am I?”

I don't think that you need to put "heck yeah" in the first line; the rhythm sounds better without it. I also think that the last line needs a few extra syllables so that it doesn't sound too off which it does at the moment.

The very first day of my second grade career,
We’re gonna learn math facts? Um, I might shed a tear.
Taylor, what are you going to be when you get older?
“Are you serious? Duh, a candy store worker.”

The last two lines actually made me laugh quite a lot. However, it doesn't rhyme which takes away from the overall effect of them. I can't think of any suggestions right now as to what you could change it to, but the lack of rhyme is quite noticeable. But it's still funny so you might not want to change the concept of them, just search a little harder for a suitable rhyme.

It’s the last day of summer; tomorrow I start third grade,
I’m getting so darn old, the blonde in my hair is starting to fade.
There’s a fear within me, I’ve heard my new teacher is kinda mean,
I wonder what she’ll be like, is she as bad as she seems?

The third line could do without the "kinda", it just seems like one word too many and doesn't fit in with the rhythm so much.

I guess you can get busted in seventh grade for writing a note,
I found out today when my teacher threatened to read what I wrote.
Our basketball team isn’t great, but we each try to play our part,
I wear eyeliner and lipstick and Leo DiCaprio owns my heart.

The first line might sound a tiny bit better if you said "writing notes" instead.

There is time for nothing but him and my job,
And prom arrives before I can finish my last thought.

Yeah, again it's noticeable when something doesn't rhyme properly. You want to know the best site in the world? Rhyme Zone. I totally live on this site when I'm writing a poem. xD

This is more like it, I decided to transfer for Fort Hays,
It’s entirely too much fun when the nights turn into days.
I know I’ll pay for it later, but at the moment who cares?
I’ll be better when I’m older; trust me, I swear

Should it be "to Fort Hays"?


Well, that's all I can find! Overall I thought that this poem was really sweet but truthful. Sure, it didn't have too much imagery but I loved the way that it's used "teenagery" (I really don't know the word for it) language interspersed throughout. It gives the earlier stanzas a younger feel which adds to the idea of growing up and starting school. What I think you need to work on is making sure that your rhymes aren'r forced and your rhythm is perfect.

Hope this helps!

~Amy

Thanks, Amy.

"September nine" in the first stanza is actually my day of birth. I was born two weeks after my delivery date. That's why I added the frankincense and myrrh bit, gifts Jesus received on his birthday. Hope that clears up the first stanza for you.

Thanks for the feedback.