The Runaway (Ch. 3)

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It was a Sunday when I had first realized my true feelings for Adam. I was walking back from town, where I had bought tomatoes for my mother, when he confronted me. Ever since Adam arrived, my mother had begun a cooking-frenzy. New colors and shapes appeared on our plates every night, and to my surprise, everything was delicious.

I was walking up a steep part of the road, which was only minutes from my house. At the top of the hill, a tall handsome man blocked my path. Even though he was wearing a casual outfit, a white shirt with black pants, he stood with his hands slightly tucked in his pants like he was greater than the King.

“Sabrina,” he walked to me and kissed my cheek, taking the small bag of tomatoes from my hand. “How was your walk?”

“Were you waiting for me?” I asked, ignoring his question.

“Of course; I wait for you whenever you leave,” he smiled, like this was a normal thing. Like this wasn’t at all strange in a way? But, was it also… cute? “Sabrina, can I ask you a favor.” He looked down and pushed around the dirt below us with his feet.

“Of course, you’re my guest.” I smiled shyly.

“I was wondering if you would like to go for a walk with me…”

“That isn’t much of a favor,” I laughed a bit, hoping my nervousness wasn’t flowing from my mouth, “Well, I have to go give my mom those tomatoes, but after. Where do you want to go?” I took a step toward my house, but he blocked my way.

“Well, actually, it’s not now. Later tonight, I think.” He muttered under his breath.

“How late?” I asked, taking his quiet words as a signal for something bad.

“Midnight-” I brushed past him, but he caught my arm. “But, there is something I want to show you. Something… beautiful.” He searched my eyes, hoping to see my answer in them.

“Adam, do you realize my mother would never let me go out with you at midnight?”

“Well, the thing is, I already asked her.” He flashed a brilliant smile and shrugged, “She said yes.”

After contemplating with myself, I had to answer. “Yes, I will go.”

He laughed, and took my hand in his, pulling me towards my house. What was I doing?

I could taste my mother’s hard work in her spaghetti. It was delicious, probably to best homemade meal since my father was around… After dinner, I claimed to be tired and headed straight to bed. I knew I wouldn’t sleep a lot that night, so falling asleep as early as possible was crucial.

He came into my room at midnight, as promised. I shooed him out so I could slip on a thick white dress and my pink sweater.

When I stepped out of my room, he said something that made my cheeks turn the same shade of my sweater, “You’re beautiful.”

He took my hand, and led me to unknown places. We traveled through tall grass, backyards, and muddy areas. This had better be worth my new black shoes being stained with mud.
Finally, after stopping ever few seconds to catch my breath, we arrived at the place he wanted to show me. Adam led me through high grass to a little pond, probably a mile off the main road. He sat me down, having a blanket already prepared for the event. Right in front of us was the moon. It was beautiful, full with an orange glow to it. “Wow,” he wrapped an arm around me. I used to think I was strong, but this was all too much. His charm, his words, his eyes that captivated me beyond any way John ever could. I thought I could stand up for myself, and not betray Johns trust. But, sadly, I realized I was wrong when I leaned into Adams firm body.

We sat there, speaking of books, stories, and personal things. He had even asked me of my father. But, like every other time his name was brought up, the moist escaped from my mouth and landed in my eyes; I avoided the subject immediately.

I was falling asleep, my head resting on his chest, when he shook me. “Sabrina, look!” he pointed ahead, at the moon. Everything had gone suddenly dark, as a black mark spread across the moon, making it nearly impossible to see. The only indication it was ever there was a thin circle of light where it used to be.

I looked at him, “How did you know this was going to happen?”

It only happens once every few years. I wanted you to see it.” He looked deep into my eyes, and inched closer, waiting for me to make the final move. I wanted to; I wanted to kiss him so bad. But, my common sense finally stuck in, and I turned my head to face the moon. I could see out of the corner my eyes that he was staring. But I could not kiss another man, especially since I was to be married soon.

I fell asleep in his arms; wishing being with John was half as good as being with John.
I don't like this at all! But, it was crucial to the plot, so I call it my sacrifice.




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Maybe you'll like it more if you make it less cristal clear what's going on?
As in, towards the end you could give away less about what she's feeling, do that we keep guessing. I really like the internal monolgue and the dialogue put together, though, its a really cool style.
- C




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woah woah woah.

Where was the change from Chapter 2 to Chapter 3?
Did I miss something? Because this seriously made no sense; too great a jump.

Good, yes. But there seems to be a whole entire chapter missing between 2 and 3.

I fell asleep in his arms; wishing being with John was half as good as being with John.


i think it's suppose to be "wishing being with John was half as good as being with Adam."


still, amazing.
Please take a long hard look through your textbook 'cause I'm history.




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Don't beat yourself up. It's actually pretty good. As Silenced Hope said, there's a bit of a jump since the last chapter. I don't think this is a bad thing, because you've skipped what could have been a boring day-by-day account that does nothing but reinforce what we already know. This chapter seems to be the tipping point.

He looked down and pushed around the dirt below us with his feet.

I feel this doesn't fit with Adam's character. Until now he's come across as confident and cocky - unmistakably so thanks to your good characterisation. When I saw this I thought he seemed shy and uncertain, not like the Adam from earlier at all.

hoping my nervousness wasn’t flowing from my mouth

Wonderful. Your writing style is concise and a pleasure to read. I loved this metaphor.

“Well, actually, it’s not now. Later tonight, I think.” He muttered under his breath.

Saying something under your breath is when you don't intend for anyone to hear. He wants to say it quietly perhaps, but not under his breath.

After contemplating with myself, I had to answer. “Yes, I will go.”

Some more internal conflict would be good here. She hasn't known him for that long, so she's obviously not sure about the idea. After the mother excuse didn't work, she should be grappling for another excuse that won't insult him, before unable to come up with one, she agrees.

Finally, after stopping ever few seconds to catch my breath,

Every few seconds is a lot. I can't imagine someone would have to stop every few seconds unless they were morbidly obese. Every five minutes maybe if she's very unfit. Your average person should be able to walk a mile without stopping easily.

the moist escaped from my mouth and landed in my eyes

I think you got mouth and eyes the wrong way around.

Your dislike of this chapter is unfounded. It's equal to, if not better than the others.
Q: Where do you go to buy shoes?

A: At the shoez canal, lol.




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So finally, you posted its next chapter.

There was just one odd line I found-
I fell asleep in his arms; wishing being with John was half as good as being with John.

I suppose you must have written John in the end by mistake.

I cannot understand Sabrina's feelings properly.
How can she sleep in Adam's arms and stay with him for so long after midnight when she is getting married to John?

There were a few errors here and there. Improve your English!(ha! ha!)
Enjoy every moment of your life; you never know when it might come to an end...



The most important service rendered by the press and the magazines is that of educating people to approach printed matter with distrust.
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