halloween nightmare

3 posts
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Gender None specified
Points 1042
Reviews 1
Page 1
Mandy was so exited, because when she got
home it would be a few minutes till she got
ready for Halloween. When it was the end of
school , Mandy ran right to the door and bashed
her school things onto her Mum.
“Are you ok? “Asked mum.
“Oh I've never felt better . Replied Mandy still
Jumping up and down.
“Do you still want to go to that party and go trick
Or treating? Because I heard there are actual witches
at the party and vampires so maybe it’s not a.. Good idea to
You know go?” looking at Mandy seriously.

Page 2
“Mum your way out your mind no witches are
Going to attack me. Mum were nearly the last ones at this school lets go hoot and scoot off
Home! When at home Mandy’s Mum had already put up decorations for Halloween.
“Get dressed the party starts at 6oclock and it’s
Half past five com’on your witches costume is
Lying on your bed making spells. “ So after a while Mandy was finished and looked like
A real witch that she scared her Mum.
Page 3
“W ow you don’t look half bad” Said her Mum.
“Ha i told you it was a good idea and look at me
Now. “ Shouted Mandy. Anyway Mandy went
To the party but when her mum dropped her off
At the gates, and she walked in, everybody was
Gone.
Maybe I’m early then she heard a noise coming from
The closet. ”
“Hello anybody here?
Suddenly a witch jumped down and turned her
Into a dancing frog then an skinny elephant then a cow with no ears and finally
Back to her normal self then more horrible horrid happy creatures came and did
ho rrible stuff .


Page 4
At the end of the Party (well what Mandy’s mum thought was a party) she went to pick
Up Mandy. But the same thing happened she
Did find Mandy but all she found was Mandy’s
Dead body.
“AHHHHHHHH. Screamed Mandy’s mum
My little baby girl is dead !!!!!!!!!! Suddenly a witch jumped down and turned her
Into a dancing frog then an skinny elephant then a cow with no ears and finally
Back to her normal self then more horrible horrid happy creatures came and did
ho rrible stuff .

The final page 5
Now all we can see and all the creatures can
See is two dead body’s one from a woman and
One from a little girl. Now that story teaches
You a lesson to always listen to what your
Parents say or the bad luck will puff hit you in
Face.

THE END




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Gender None specified
Points 990
Reviews 4
A little morbid and a little basic to say the least- i read the other one of yours, the thriller "dont turn on the light" - also a little morbid, but much better, and it even has a twist at the end... this is just a bit morose.........




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Gender None specified
Points 2320
Reviews 16
There were a lot of things wrong with this story. Punctuation wasn't used correctly, the structure was very off, the plot line was messy, and there were a lot of terms that just didn't exactly sound right.
It wasn't the worst thing I ever read. But it (and your writing) could use some work.

Thanks.
-Ellie :elephant:
But also because I realized, that this nightmare would never end.
“Never,” I heard thousands of demons whispers echo in the darkness.
Never, I repeated in my mind.
Never.

- Ellie Chavez



All truly wise thoughts have been thought already thousands of times; but to make them truly ours, we must think them over again honestly, till they take root in our personal experience.
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe