Beginnings

Frozen on a canvas, a winter sun sits low in the sky. The weak light penetrates a pine forest glade, falling on a cabin’s snow-covered roof. Men work around the building, loading wood into horse-drawn sleds for the approaching night. The animals wait patiently, their breath an ever-present cloud. Their bodies are trained towards a road cutting into the forest, curving away and leading to unknown places. Yellow light, smudged from frost on the glass, is visible from the building’s windows. Wood is piled on either side, a stock for more winter’s nights to come. The trees around shelter the scene, a white and green blanket cutting the cabin off from the world.

This was time when winter was harsh, deadly to some, and a time when a country was just beginning. Neighbours, although sometimes far apart, had to depend on each other. This was the beginning of Canada.

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White Horse Inn by Moonlight by Cornelius Ktirghoff. I chose sunlight because of how the sky behind the sun was light blue, not black like night. Trigger- Symbolize

Hi Rosey.

So, another one of your sketches. You should really think about doing more of these. I know they're not much in the way of plot or character development, but even just as description exercises they're very good.

This one is no different. The description in here is top-notch. I like how you paint a very good picture with words.

However, I can also see the glimmer of a story here as well. You show us in only a paragraph a romanticized view of how an evening was for settlers as they began the task of making a life in the frontier of Canada. And if it is not a miniature story in itself, then it could perhaps be the beginning of some larger work. But, in any case, there is the smallest hint of a story there. So, I have to give this one a better mark than your others to date.

I'm not really finding any errors in this. Once again, a very good sketch. PM me if you have any questions or comments. Good job, and good luck.

-Conrad Rice

Hello there, Rosaic! June here again.

Haha, so, the first thing I noticed about this after looking at the picture is that it's set in the wrong time of day, silly. I know that you're free to change whatever you want in writing, but, I was sitting here, a little perplexed, looking back and forth from the picture to the writing. The picture is in the night, with the moon, and your story is apparently in the daytime with the sun!

Now, anyway! I think this is okay. Like most writing first-drafts, it needs a pinch of work here and there, but no worries. You put a lot of emphasis on light and wood, and I'm not seeing the significance of it? It's a short piece, and you want to maximize your word space to make the most of what you can tell us.

I'm not saying you can't talk about wood or light, but you start with light, talk about loading wood, return to light, wood.

A little bit of variation would work wonders. Talk about something else, feelings, emotion, cold (give it a personality for flair, too); talk on about these workers, who, to me,currently seem a bit placid. They have very little emotion-- kind of like machinery.

But, see! If you give them a personality, then your closing off, telling us that some people suffer this winter, will make so much oodles of sense, that we WILL understand it. As it stands, it's a little jump, Rose, a little change in the way things are rolling here.

Nothing too wrong with that; it just disrupts the flow of the story. If you like it that way, then it suits, but it sticks out to me as a tad awkward.

Add more wintry stuff, too. When you think of winter, what comes to mind? Winter and this picture together make me think of a home to long to go to, where everything is warm and cheery in spite of the burden of this time of year.

Hope that helped some? If you've any questions, you know where to find me. Keep writing! Thanks for the reads.

Best,

June