but for the poem it was very simple. I didn't really notice any obvious grammar mishaps but as for the style I believe its more of a story. And there's nothing wrong with a poem that tells a story but this one in particular is missing a few very important elements as a poem. Imagery for one. Everything is straight forward. It could use some metaphors and figurative language. also the imagery that is in it, is very, very cliche. There the classic lines that everyone has heard of. If the narrator feels so strongly for the person than he should express his feelings from his heart not from what's been said before. I hope all that makes sense. Sorry I'm kind of laying on thick as your first post but keep writing it can only get better. Also make sure you connect other peoples they might be good examples!!
Don't be so quick about what's happening. You need to describe everything that's going on. How you feel, what the girl's (I'm assuming it's a guy talking about a girl) hair smells like. Does she use vanilla scented perfume? And at the end, make it sound like you really want her back. Make the reader feel your pain about losing her. Make a story out of it. First, you meet. Then you get closer. Then all of a sudden you grow apart. You need to put something in between these steps. When you grow apart, tell why this happened. Maybe you became too busy to see her and you had a fight. It would really take it up a step if you described a fight and the anguished feelings and regrets. And last, you need to work on your prose if you want to write a poem. Give every line meaning and flow. You could say something like, "But our destinies, similar as they were, fell away from each other, just two souls lost in a crowd." I don't know. Something like that. Hope I helped.
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