Nulia's Dream

Swoosh, and it was gone.
A silver flash raced through the dark forest at incredible speeds, startling any creatures it burst past. In the center of the impregnable comet there was only one thing, Nulia Tedesicon, the bravest and most feared hunter in all the hills above and beyond. Nulia had her arms out in front of her to split the air in front of her and thus open her body to portals of speed unknown to man. Ear-shattered squeals filled the tiny pocket of air Nulia was cocooned in, but her mind was strong enough to ignore it. Suddenly there came the sensation of water to Nulia’s feet and she stopped her speeding excitement.
Water underfoot and more from above: Nulia had run right into Hellsfall, the greatest and tallest waterfall in all the hills. Nulia sucked in a huge breath and crouched low to the ground, willing her body to tighten like a spring. When it seemed she could hold the tension no more, Nulia released the power and leaped into the air, reaching higher and higher for crystal heights. Her feet touched millions of clouds as if they were fluffy stepping-stones; it seemed impossible for her to fall. Beside her ran the water of Hellsfall, pouring down as fast as she was bound upwards. The spray wet her face a little, but only a very little.
Nulia felt the little give that signaled the end of a jump, the tiny slowdown of gravity pulling one back towards the musty depths, but she fought it, striving to keep going. Her arms flayed wildly at the air, trying to swim it like water, but down she went.
Nulia’s body rolled, twisted, flipped backwards and turned in the horrifically agonizing positions as the cruel winds of downfall whipped her around. Her black hair sailed above her like fallen banner, fluttering like mad as the battle was lost. Nulia managed to turn part way and look downwards, but there was no ground, the lake where the waterfall normally pooled was gone; a vast whirlpool was in its place.
Nulia plunged sickeningly into the darkest pits of the belly of the earth, bound there by the massive momentum of her fall and the sucking power of the whirlpool. Down, down deep there were red light that glowed in the black; eyes that waited only for her plummet to end so they could begin their dark, dark work.
And then she woke up.
Her sweaty hands were grasping the sheets in terror, her heart pulsing rapidly. Her eyes were saucers widened by fear, her face paled like a ghost. Nulia wiped the cold sweat from her brow, trying to force her entire arm from trembling like jelly. Nulia pressed a hand to her chest and sensed the fast-paced beat of her trembling heart: almost like that of a mouse or small animal she’d felt so many times before, huddling fearfully in her cupped hands.
The suddenness and terror of the fall was multiplied tenfold by the exhilaration of the climb and the speed she had been running at before the jump, but it was all a dream, as real as it felt.
Only a dream…
And nothing more…

Hey there! First off, I'd say you've got a good start, but it all seems a little cliche imo. She has a bad dream which forebodes evil or some challenge that's going to come, and then she wakes up and tries to convince herself that it's nothing important. Is there some other scene you could start it from? Personally, I get more involved and pulled into a story when it starts off with a good battle scene, and you're caught up in the middle of the action. But that's just me.

Anyways, there really wasn't much that I noticed in your story, just this paragraph was a little confusing for me; I couldn't really picture where she was. Is she floating above the water? Is she on land right beside the waterfall?

Jenthura wrote:Water underfoot and more from above: Nulia had run right into Hellsfall, the greatest and tallest waterfall in all the hills. Nulia sucked in a huge breath and crouched low to the ground, willing her body to tighten like a spring. When it seemed she could hold the tension no more, Nulia released the power and leaped into the air, reaching higher and higher for crystal heights. Her feet touched millions of clouds as if they were fluffy stepping-stones; it seemed impossible for her to fall. Beside her ran the water of Hellsfall, pouring down as fast as she was bound upwards. The spray wet her face a little, but only a very little.

Sorry my critique was so harsh; it's very well written! I hope to read more.

Much of the prose doesn't flow logically and reads awkwardly whenever you get to descriptions.

A silver flash raced through the dark forest at 'incredible speeds, startling any creatures it burst past.'
In the center of the 'impregnable' comet there was only one thing, Nulia Tedesicon, 'the bravest and most feared hunter in all the hills above and beyond'. Nulia had her arms out in front of her 'to split the air in front of her and thus open her body to portals of speed unknown to man'. 'Ear-shatter'ing' squeals filled the tiny pocket of air Nulia was cocooned in, but her 'mind was strong enough to' ignore it. Suddenly there came the 'sensation of water to Nulia’s feet and she stopped her speeding excitement.'

This one paragraph shows a lot of awkwardness and bad descriptions. This is absolute overkill and unnecessary. Clean it up. I can say the same for just about every paragraph in this short piece. On a good note, the last two chunks seemed better then the first, but your word choice still needs to be dealt with as well.

Lord. I only noticed now that I double-posted. Sorry about that.

In the center of the impregnable comet there was only one thing, Nulia Tedesicon, the bravest and most feared hunter in all the hills above and beyond.

Show us this, don't tell us this.

Ear-shattered squeals filled the tiny pocket of air Nulia was cocooned in

"Ear-shattered" doesn't make much sense; maybe ear-shattering... but there's still some lack of real imagery, here. Ears don't shatter at loud noises. Ear-piercing may make the most sense, or any variation of that you may want to try.

Suddenly there came the sensation of water to Nulia’s feet

I think you may want "under her feet"--"to her feet" doesn't make much sense. If you don't mean "under" then you may want to try "on."

Nulia had run right into Hellsfall, the greatest and tallest waterfall in all the hills.

This is where it's okay to tell, but I'm just going to say with the previous "bravest and most feared in the hills" statement, it makes this part about the waterfall slightly ridiculous. You have Nulia, the bravest and most feared hunter in all the hills and beyond running into Hellsfall, the greatest and tallest waterfall in all the hills. It just sounds over-blown when you stack them right up against each other, ya know?

As it is, I would just get rid of the statement about Nulia being the bravest and most feared, and keep the part about Hellsfall. People are more likely to know about a waterfall than they are about a hunter, and the tallest waterfall can actually be measured, whereas Nulila being the bravest and most feared hunter is much more dependent on opinion. So you would be stating fact rather than something that the reader would have any reason speculate about.

reaching higher and higher for crystal heights.

What are "crystal heights"? Be more clear. I don't really get an image or an idea in my head when you throw "crystal heights" at me.

Nulia’s body rolled, twisted, flipped backwards and turned in the horrifically agonizing positions as the cruel winds of downfall whipped her around.

This could tell me more. "Horrifically agonizing" can be a lot of things--it doesn't really tell us much visually, does it? I just feel like you could make a stronger image than you're making now by specifically just how horrifically agonizing it appeared to be, or it was.

Her eyes were saucers widened by fear, her face paled like a ghost.

Here I don't think you need to tell us what her eyes were widened by--it's fairly obvious.

I think you need to work on your imagery more. I could have gotten more into that scene if I had gone with it with Nulia. You mention all these things that exist outside of Nulia, like the animals who reacted to how fast she was going--but you should give us more on what Nulia is feeling in the moment. Instead I feel like it's us watching her, like a movie or something, as opposed to being in the story with her. It's too detached, and as a result I'm not very shaken by her dream at all. It didn't sound scary in the least; I can surmise that it was, but it just didn't feel like it as I was reading it. It just sounded exciting, really--but not wake up in a cold sweat kind of scary, you know?

So just polish up on all that and I think you'll be soaring.

Thanks y'all, I'll work on it. Truly, it was meant to be the prologue for a novel, but I couldn't really decided whether or not to start it off with a cliche dream.

I think you did a great job Jenthura. The only thing is that all my writing teachers say that you should never start out a story with a dream because it all gets, i dont know, it just doesnt work. Work mon this a little and it will be even better!

I agree- parts of it read awkwardly. Try to think of how you would say it if you were reading out loud or talking to someone- it might help you come up with better ways to word the difficult parts. I'm not sure I like it starting off with a dream, because it leaves me confused when suddenly you say it was a dream and then we don't know what's real... but maybe that's just me.

trying to force her entire arm from trembling like jelly.

This just doesn't make much sense- I had to reread it a couple times to figure out what you meant. Maybe something like she couldn't stop her arms from trembling like jelly, or however you want to word it?
I do like the last paragraph. Good luck!